Tag Archive for parenting

Leaving the Home of Helicopter Parents

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“Helicopter parenting” is characterized by over-involvement, over-protection, and over-control. It contributes to negative results for children, but does that negative impact linger after they leave home for college? One group of researchers decided to find out. They collected demographic data from 505 college students as well as information about the parenting they received growing up and the level of interpersonal conflict they experience in college. In a second round of surveys, they measured the students’ sense of entitlement and their fear of missing out.

The results of this study indicate that students who were raised under “helicopter parents” had more interpersonal conflict with peers. This seemed to stem from an increased sense of entitlement and fear of missing out, which also increased under the tutelage of “helicopter parents.” In other words, “helicopter parenting” contributed to a child feeling entitled. It also contributes to them developing an overestimation of their abilities, an excessive focus on self, and a potential lack of autonomy. Those qualities contribute to greater interpersonal conflict even after they left the nest of the “helicopter parents.” 

So, what can a parent do to avoid the impact of being a “helicopter parent”? Balance the job of parenting to avoid becoming over-protective and over-involved. Strive for balance in your parenting style. For instance,

  • Strive for a balance between involvement with your child and encouraging autonomy in your child. It can prove difficult to “let go,” but the benefits of letting our children and teens practice age-appropriate autonomy are tremendous and lifelong. Provide your children the opportunities to behave in autonomous ways.  
  • Strive for a balance between assisting your child (i.e., making sure they get all their school projects done and are prepared for tests, choosing their clothing or activities) and letting them experience the consequences of their choices. Children learn from the lived consequences of their choices and behaviors. Trust them to manage and learn from those consequences.
  • Strive for a balance between jumping in to save your child from struggling relationships and letting them resolve their own conflicts. Step back and trust your child. Ask if they want help and help if they ask. Let them know you’re “in their corner,” but you trust them to be “in the ring” managing the interactions. They will learn so much when you stay “in their corner” and out of the ring, trusting them to manage their relationships. You might even be surprised at how effectively they do so.
  • Strive for a balance between praising your child for their achievements and acknowledging their effort and choices. Our children learn best when we acknowledge their efforts. This helps them develop a growth mindset which will benefit them throughout their life. Focus on effort, not end product achievement.

There are many other areas in which a parent strives for balance. In fact, parenting often feels like one big balancing act. But the benefits of striving for that balance far outweigh the consequences of over-involvement and over-protection in our children’s lives.

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Be a Bigger, Stronger Parent

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I overheard two children talking on the playground. One said, “My dad’s bigger than your dad.” The other replied, “Well my dad is stronger….” They were obviously at the age of admiring and adoring their fathers. In their early, concrete thinking stage of development they truly thought of their dads as the “strongest” or “biggest.” It struck me, though, that their conversation reminded me of a phrase from the *Circle of Security. The Circle of Security notes that our children need us, as parents, to be “Bigger, Stronger, Wiser, and Kind.” And, I believe, they still need us to be a “bigger, stronger, wiser, and kind” parent when they become teens. 

Our children and teens need us to be “bigger,” not in size but in our level of maturity. They need us to be the “bigger person,” big enough to not get dragged into the drama of childhood tantrums, teen arguments, and temporary moods. They need us to be big enough to avoid “taking the bait” and endlessly engaging in unnecessary battles. Instead of “taking the bait” or getting drawn into the drama, they need us to be big enough to respond maturely from our values and our concern for their well-being, not our fears and our hurt feelings. Which leads me to…

Our children and teens need us to be “stronger,” not necessarily physically stronger but emotionally self-controlled. They need us to be strong enough that we are not overwhelmed by their emotions, not made insecure by their hurtful words, and not fearful of setting healthy boundaries for their safety. They need us to be strong enough to manage our own emotions, so we do not become overwhelmed by their emotions. They need us to provide a presence in which they can gain the strength to manage their emotions from our emotional strength. They need us to be strong enough to provide a safe haven from which they can experience and learn from their emotions. (How Does Your Family Feel About Emotions?)

Our children and teens need us to be “wiser.” They need us to be wise enough to know when something that upsets them is their responsibility and not our responsibility. Wise enough to know when to step back and let them find their own solution, suffer their own consequence, or enjoy their own reward.  Wise enough to know when to encourage and support and wise enough to know when to actually step in to help.  Wise enough to know when to let them go and when to keep them close Wise enough to allow their curiosity to blossom.

And, of course, our children need us to be “kind.” Our children need us to be kind enough to treat them with respect. Kind enough to give them our time and our attention, even if we might be a little frustrated with them. They need us to be kind enough to express our love to them in appropriate ways on a daily basis.

Remember, in relation to your children, it’s important to always be the “bigger, stronger, wiser, and kind” parent. Those qualities provide the scaffolding that will enable their healthy emotional, mental, and relational growth. (*I have not been trained or certified in the Circle of Security philosophy. As a result, I don’t present these thoughts representative of the thoughts of the Circle of Security group. For more information on their philosophy, I encourage you to visit their site. They offer an excellent parenting philosophy.)

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Is It Criticism or Correction?

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Parents rightfully desire to correct their children. They love their children and want them to grow wiser and more mature. They feel the duty…no, they feel a love that compels them to correct their children and promote their growth. I applaud that desire. Take note, though, that effective correction involves teaching. But parents often get caught up in the heat of the moment, triggered by ghosts of their past and fears of the future, and, rather than correct, they criticize. They think they are correcting, but their words are criticizing. And criticism interferes with learning. Let me share a few examples.

  • Criticism: “John, clean your room. It’s a disaster. You’re living in a dump.” Of course, there is a directive—”clean your room”—but the rest is criticism, not correction or discipline. Correction would sound more like, “John, clean your room. Everyone thinks and feels better in a clean space.” That offers the corrective teaching that leads to understanding and growth.
  • Criticism: “Save some candy for everyone else. You never think about anyone but yourself, do you?” Hear the criticism? But where is the teaching? A more effective teaching statement might be: “Save some candy for other people. You don’t want to eat so much you’re not hungry for dinner. Plus, it’s polite and shows kindness when you save some for others.”
  • Criticism: “Be quiet. You’re so loud. It’s irritating.” Once again, criticism with no real teaching or correction. Correction might instruct, “Be quiet” and add a polite ending (“please”) followed by teaching like, “people find it disrespectful when we get too loud in the house. You can be loud outside if you want.”

That’s only three examples, but I think you probably understand the point. We, as parents, often slip into criticism when we really want to instruct, correct, and teach. When we slip into criticism, we lose effectiveness. Not only do we not get to teach, but our children suffer the ill consequences of constant criticism.

When the time comes to correct your children, and those times will come often enough, listen to yourself. Are you correcting or criticizing? Then adjust to correcting in love.

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Our Answer to One Question Determines Our Future

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My wife and I were visiting Charleston, North Carolina when we saw this plaque. It reads: “I want people to see children as human beings and not think of the money it costs nor to think of the amount of time it will take, but to think of the lives that can be developed into Americans who will redeem the soul of America and will really make America a great country.” –Septima Clark

Septima Clark did not just make the statement, she walked the talk. She became known as the “Grandmother” of the Civil Rights Movement. She started “Citizenship schools” that taught adult literacy and “citizenship rights.” These schools instilled self-pride, cultural-pride, literacy, and a sense of one’s citizenship rights.

Why do I mention this quote? Because Ms. Clark states truth. Our children thrive when we see them as human beings rather than simply children. We need not think of our children as financial burdens or “little time-suckers.” They are a blessing, a blessing upon which our present and our future rest. They are the ones who will carry our values and priorities into the future. They will redeem our communities and our country.

I remember learning a similar idea in my early college years. I don’t remember the exact quote, but the “gist of the idea” stated that a culture can be redeemed or destroyed in a single generation. The way in which we treat our children, the manner in which we raise them, will have a great determining factor on the course of our future…similar to what Septima Clark implied. Consider:

  • If we treat our children with kindness, they will take kindness into the future. If we treat them harshly, they will take harshness into the future.
  • If we treat our children with respect, they will take respect into the future. If we treat them with disrespect, disrespect will grow more rampant.
  • If we hold our children accountable in an appropriate manner, they will take accountability into the future. If we become overly permissive, they will also become permissive.
  • If we hold our children to age-appropriate expectations for contributing to the family and home, they will continue to see the joy of contributing to a happy home and family. If we become overbearing, harsh, or hold inappropriate expectations of our children, they will carry the same forward…and who wants to live in a community filled with those who are overbearing, harsh, and carry unreasonable expectations.

You get the idea. How we treat our children will determine our future. Let’s begin to think of our children as blessings—lives that can be nurtured to bless others, “lives that can be developed into Americans who will redeem the soul of America and will really make America a great country.”  How will we treat our children? Consider carefully for it’s a question with enormous implications. Our future depends on our answer.

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Don’t Phub Your Children

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Many parents worry about the impact of screen time on our children’s mental health. (For one example see Just So You Know.) However, you may also need to think about the impact of your screen time on your children’s mental health. In fact, a study completed by Robin Nabi (UC Santa Barbara) surveyed 40 parents of children between 5-years-old and 12-years-old.  The surveys asked about and gathered a variety of information including:

  • Their children’s level of emotional awareness and control
  • Their children’s level of concern for others.
  • Their children’s use of television, computers, game consoles, tablets, and smartphones.
  • How often their children engaged in activities like reading, listening to music, outdoor play, and indoor play.
  • How much time the parents spend on digital devices in the presence of their children.
  • How often the parent-initiated conversation with their children while engaged in various types of media activities.
  • How often the parents-initiated conversation with their children while engaged in various types of nonmedia activities.

Ironically, the ONLY thing associated with lower child emotional intelligence was parental use of cell phones in the presence of their children.

Children thrive on parental responsiveness. They grow through parental responsiveness. When a parent is focused on their cellphone, they become less responsive to their children. In fact, “parental phone use is associated with ‘still face,’ an expressionless appearance” that creates great emotional chaos in children. If you have not seen the “still face experiment,” take a moment to watch it in this short clip. You will see how it throws a child into a state of insecurity and results in them experiencing emotional chaos.

Your older children may not react in the same way as the infant in the video. However, a lack of responsiveness toward your older child or teen communicates a lack of value, raises a fear of insecurity, creates distance between you and them, and hinders your effectiveness as a parent. It will also stunt the development of emotional intelligence in their lives. All that being said, when your child approaches you put down the cellphone. Look them in the eye. Listen carefully. Converse with them. Connect with them. Your child will grow more emotionally intelligent and more confident in their self-worth. And your relationship with your child will grow more intimate. Don’t phub your child. Put down the cellphone and fully respond to your child instead.

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Excellent Parenting Begins…

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We all want to be excellent parents… and that it is no simple task. Still, as difficult as it is, I do know where to begin. Excellent parenting begins with self-awareness. That’s right. Excellent parents practice self-awareness. They have learned that raising a child demands that we, as parents, take a deeply honest look at ourselves. What does this self-awareness, this deeply honest look at oneself, consist of for a parent? Let’s consider a couple of questions to get us started:

  • First, we need to take an honest look at our feelings about our own childhood. What was it like for you as a child and as a teen? Were you shy or extroverted? Did you enjoy sports? art? academics? What were your happiest memories? Your least happy memories? Times are different today, but it still helps us to parent more effectively when we recall what it was like to be a child or teen.
  • Second, we need to take an honest look at how we were parented as a child or teen. How did your parents parent you? Every parent makes mistakes, our parents and ourselves included. So, take an honest, nonjudgmental look at your childhood and recall those things your parents did that you now see as helpful. Also, consider those things your parents did that you now see as not helpful. Take time to determine the positive practices you can learn from your parents and what you will do instead of the practices you found unhelpful.
  • Third, take an honest look at your expectations in regard to your children. Our expectations have a huge impact on our ability to parent well. What are your expectations for your children? Are they reasonable and age appropriate? For instance, we cannot reasonably expect a toddler to sit quietly in a restaurant for half an hour before eating.  In a similar manner, we don’t want to discipline our toddler in the same way we might discipline a teen. Assuring our expectations remain reasonable and age appropriate may require some self-education. Take time to learn about children’s physical, emotional, and mental development.
  • Fourth, take an honest look at your self-expectations in regard to parenting. There are many parenting myths out there that will sabotage your efforts at parenting. Make sure you don’t fall prey to those myths. Consider: what are your expectations in regard to time spent with children? How easily your children will listen? How your children’s behavior reflects on you or does not reflect on you? Your life after your children leave home? Take an honest look at any expectations you hold for yourself and your spouse as parents.
  • Fifth, take an honest look at your priorities and goals. Parenting is a journey and any successful journey demands that we know where we are going. The perceived end of our journey shapes the priorities along the way. Do you want to raise adults focused on “winning” and achieving at any cost or adults focused on “doing their best” and displaying good sportsmanship? Do you want your children to believe achievement or kindness is most important? Do you want to promote “taking care of yourself” or helping others? You get the idea. What priorities will shape your efforts to raise your children? Your answers will shape your behavior and your parenting style.
  • Finally, take an honest look at your fears. Do fears drive your family? If so, what fears are aroused in your efforts to raise healthy children? Watching our children and teens venture into the world can arouse many fears. We need to acknowledge those fears honestly. Recognizing and acknowledging our fears will help us to not overreact to them. Instead, we can plan and prepare for whatever transitions, times, or activities arouse our fears. As we address our fears in a healthy way, our parenting can be led by love instead of fear.

Taking an honest look at these six factors will set you on the road to parenting with self-awareness. It may prove challenging, but the long-term returns of healthy children and a healthy relationship with your children are well worth the investment.

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Marital Conflict, Fathers, & Children

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If you’ve been married longer than your honeymoon, you know that marital conflicts will arise. Even people who love one another and want to spend the rest of their lives together have disagreements. Those conflicts and disagreements also impact their children. On the one hand, angry, stressed-out parents might take their anger out on their children in small and subtle ways or in loud and obvious ways. They may withdraw emotionally or physically from their family and children. On the other hand, they might manage their conflict in a way that teaches their children how to love a person even while you disagree with them…and to love enough to work toward some type of resolution. It can go either way, depending on how the couple responds to conflict in their marriage. With this in mind, you can image the impact marital conflict can have on our children’s long-term emotional health and well-being…for better or for worse.

To understand the impact of marital conflict on our children, one study analyzed data from 3,955 heterosexual intact families (both mother and father were present in the family). They discovered an important role fathers play in how a married couple’s conflict impacts their children. Specifically, when fathers reported more frequent conflict with their marriage partner, they also reported increased parenting stress and decreased warmth toward their children. In the same surveys, this was linked to the mother’s report of children struggling to develop social skills and emotional regulation skills.

On the other hand, when fathers used more “constructive conflict resolution” skills, parental stress was minimized, parental involvement increased, and warmth toward children increased. All this leads to healthier social and emotional development in children. So, the big question I have from this research is: what are constructive conflict resolution skills? Let’s name a few.

  • Open communication. Children benefit when both parents, fathers in particular, learn to communicate openly. This requires exhibiting enough vulnerability to express emotions and feelings, to risk being misunderstood while patiently listening to understand the other person. Couples can help fathers communicate openly by starting conversations “gently” and soothing one another as the conversation progresses.
  • Compromising. Being a family involves compromise. Not everyone can have everything they want all the time. That sounds obvious, doesn’t it? But it’s true. We don’t live with Burger King. Every person in the family is going to have their own opinions, perspectives, and ideas. Meshing them all together into a happy, healthy home will demand compromise. Look for a resolution with which you can both be satisfied.
  • Listening. I briefly mentioned listening under open communication, but listening is so important that it deserves its own bullet point. Many times, if both parties in conflict will listen deeply and intentionally to the other person, rather than defending or blaming, they will discover their conflict is not really that big. They will easily find a compromise. In fact, they may even find they agree on a deeper level than the conflict suggests. So, listen, don’t judge. Listen to understand rather than listening to form a rebuttal. Listen to find the good in what the other person is saying, areas in which you can agree, rather than listening to prove them wrong.
  • Remember who you are talking to. You are talking to the one you love, your spouse, the person with whom you want to spend the rest of your life. Don’t let your frustration or anger lead to statements that hurt, belittle, or demean the one you love. Remember how much they have done to make your life and your home a better place.
  • Remember how you want others to remember you. Do you want to be remembered as someone who always “had to be right” or someone “who listened so well I always knew they understood me”? Do you want to be remembered as someone who “blew their stack” when they didn’t get their way or someone who “always found a solution everyone could be happy with”? Someone who was always kind, even when angry, or someone who was unpredictable and loud when angry? Act accordingly…especially in the midst of conflict.

As you practice these skills and attitudes, you will find conflict resolves more easily. You will feel less stress. Your marriage will grow more intimate. And your children will develop in a healthier manner.

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Parental Protection & Your Child’s Resilience

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We are experiencing a mental health crisis in our children that began before the pandemic and escalated through the pandemic. Some of this crisis was precipitated by an overemphasis on children’s safety and overprotectiveness on the part of parents. I find it interesting that children enjoyed more freedom in the 1960’s through the 1980’s even though crime was on the rise at that time. In fact, crime seemed to peak in the 1990’s and has since shown a decrease. Of course, there are still crimes but, overall, crime rates have decreased (See the Crime Statistics compiled by Let Grow.)

Still, news continues to catastrophize our awareness of what crimes do exist, contributing to continued and increased fear in parents. This has often led to parental overprotection and less time spent for children to engage in activities unsupervised by parents. This seems to have contributed to unhealthy coping mechanisms in children—less motivation, less ability to deal with problems in healthy ways, less independence, less confidence. The result of these unhealthy coping mechanisms? Anxiety, depression, substance abuse, defiance. I’m not trying to cast blame. We live in a scary world. It’s scary to let our children “go out into the world alone.” However, we also need to communicate confidence in our children’s ability to navigate the world in an age expected manner while teaching them to navigate it in a growing independent manner as they mature. Doing so will implicitly communicate confidence in their ability and will enhance their resilience and health. How can a parent do this?

  • Begin by identifying your own fears. We all have fears. Parenting is a scary business. As you identify your fears, beware of negative filters. Do a little research. Learn about the true crime statistics. Learn about the benefit of unsupervised play for our children’s ability to problem-solve, take healthy risks, and grow more resilient.  As you learn about your filters, you can escape from the extreme thinking that the world is either terribly unsafe or “pollyannishly” safe. You can wisely discern levels of safety and allow your children to engage in activities appropriate for their level of maturity and self-care while teaching them to grow more independent along the way.
  • Allow your children to experience the frustration of difficult situations like going to a new place (one you have researched and determined as safe) on their own. Let them go to the local recreation center without you. Let them walk to the park alone. Let them take a bus to their friend’s house independently. Let them walk to the local grocery store to pick up a few grocery items for you. It’s scary to let them go out alone. But by letting them go independently (after you have taught them how) they grow rightfully and wisely confident in their own abilities and strengths.
  • Encourage your children’s curiosity. Encourage them to explore places and thoughts. Let them learn about ideas and locations.
  • Listen to what your children want to do and negotiate the parameters. Teach them to think through an activity or outing before embarking on that outing. Teach them to consider the possibilities and prepare.

It’s one of the biggest parenting challenges we face: letting our children grow independent. The first walk to school without a parent, the first walk to the park alone, their first independent trip to the grocery store, their first time driving alone…it all arouses a parent’s anxiety (at least it did for me). But we have to teach them the skills they need to “go at it alone” and trust that they have learned. We have to trust we have taught them well. Trust they have learned. Trust they will implement that knowledge. And let them go. Each time they do, our trust will grow, and their confidence and resilience will grow as well.

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Children Need the Sound of Silence

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Children’s brains are on a developmental fast track. Their brains are evolving, pruning, and shaping…at an amazing rate. You can see it in their changing abilities and growing knowledge every day. Interestingly, sounds have meaning to our brain and our brain seeks to understand that meaning.  For instance, the sound of a speeding car when I’m at an intersection means be cautious. The sound of gunshots means beware. The sound of a baby crying arouses empathy and causes me to look around. Other sounds provide information we deem unnecessary for the moment, so we move them to the background—the ongoing buzz of traffic in the distance, the sound of birds chirping in the yard. As I write, the sound of construction “down the street” causes me to take note. I need to go a different way when I go to the store. Now move the bang and hum of construction into the background of my awareness and continue with my work.

Whatever the sound, our brains take notice. In fact, the “brain has to work overtime to ignore sounds.” The energy invested in ignoring sounds means less energy available for learning. This is especially true for young brains. Studies have shown that excessive noise can interfere with children’s ability to understand speech and comprehend what someone else is saying. It interferes with the ability to recall information from a visually presented list, and it interferes with reading. These studies also reveal that chronic noise contributes to children’s lower performance in verbal tasks and reading. In other words, noise interferes with our children’s ability to learn.

One study in the 1970’s (described in How a Little Silence in Children’s Lives Helps Them Grow) actually found that soundproofing a classroom near noisy train tracks actually led to improved test scores.

Why do I tell you this? Because we live in a noisy world and our children will benefit from a little more silence in their lives. They will learn more easily with a little more silence in the world. More importantly, you can provide a safe haven of quiet for your children in your home. You can develop a quiet environment in your home by:

  • Reducing loud arguments. Learn to talk about problems rather than yell and scream. Keep your tone respectful and loving, even in the midst of disagreement.
  • Discipline respectfully and politely. Don’t yell. Train your children to respond to a firm voice, not a loud voice. (I know. There will be times with loud arguing and even loud discipline in our homes; but keep them to a minimum. Make it a goal to disagree and discipline in respectful tones rather than loud tones more often than not.)
  • Turn off the TV and enjoy undistracted interactions with your children. Also, turn off the TV during homework time. Limit the noise distractions while your children complete their homework.
  • Turn the TV down. Even when you watch TV, turn the volume down rather than leave it loud enough to “hear in the other room.”  
  • Consider the timing of various activities. You don’t want one child practicing the drums while the other child is trying to complete their reading assignment. Coordinate activities.
  • Go for a walk in the woods with your family. Enjoy the sounds of nature. Nature has a healing effect in and of itself, especially the sounds of nature.
  • Go to the library to read.
  • Make bedtime a quiet time—no televisions, radios, or cellphones playing in the room.

Of course, we will encounter noise. We live in a noisy society. But do your best to make your home environment a place of peace with moments of quiet and even silence. Let your children hear the sounds of silence and learn without the distraction of noise. Their brains will appreciate the chance to invest energy in learning and growing without having to invest energy in combatting the noise. And your whole family will enjoy the calm of enjoying silence together.

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Don’t Let These Parenting Myths Hinder Your Effective Parenting

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Before I became a parent, I worked with children in social services. I came to think of myself as a kind of expert on parenting (Oh the hubris of youth). Then I had children and discovered what every parent I worked with already knew—I had no idea what I was talking about. Our children are unique. Our families are unique. And how we discipline often depends on the individual child, their individual parent, and their individual environment. I had bought into the myth that we can use a cookie-cutter approach to parenting, a one-size-fits-all style of parenting. Sure, there are broad truths for parenting, but there are also nuances specific to every child and every family. We need to learn about our children and their uniqueness to most effectively parent.

There are several other parenting myths that hinder our efforts at raising our children. We need to identify these myths and get rid of them in our families. When we do, our efforts at parenting will have greater effectiveness and our children will more joyfully mature. Here are four myths we need to replace with truth.

  • Myth #1: My child needs to respect me because I’m their parent; but I will respect them when they earn it. On the contrary, our children learn the meaning of respect and how to respect others by witnessing how we respect them and others. They will treat us with a level of respect similar to the respect we give them. (See The Power of a Father’s Example for more.)
  • Myth #2: If I don’t yell, my children won’t listen. Two things to consider. One, yelling is ineffective. Two, listening is a learned behavior. Too often parents teach their children to not listen until they yell. They have taught their children to not take them seriously unless they yell. You can encourage listening by calmly following through on consequences rather than repeating and nagging until you blow up and yell. Teach your children to listen before you get angry.
  • Myth #3: My children should obey me just because I said so. Actually, this leaves children with no understanding of the intent and motive behind the rule. When we teach our children the reasons behind the rules we enforce, they gain a reference point—a guiding star for future choices they will make as they mature and we aren’t around to tell them what to do. In other words, learning the reasons behind the rules gives our children the tools to make wise choices.
  • Myth #4: My parents did it this way and I turned out okay. Thank God you turned out okay. But should we repeat every choice and behavior our parents made? Do we want our children to simply turn out okay? Instead of simply repeating what our parents did, we need to parent wisely. We can repeat the positive aspects of our parents’ discipline and recognize the negative aspects of their parenting efforts so we can “do it differently.”  For instance, we can continue to celebrate our children’s birthdays with a special meal but stop the excessive drinking (getting drunk) at that celebration. We can enjoy playing catch with our children without resorting to belittling name-calling when they exhibit undeveloped skills. You get the idea. Parent wisely, not simply mimicking our parents’ style but improving upon their parenting style so our children can be “better than okay.”

Someday our children will be raising their own children. I hope they will have experienced the love and nurturance from us that will allow them to improve on our parenting. And I hope they will not even have to deal with the four myths that you have already replaced with truth.

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