Tag Archive for cognitive health

Defeat the Stress of the Mess

Have you ever noticed that when your room or desk or kitchen becomes messy or cluttered you begin to feel overwhelmed? I know I do. When my room begins to get cluttered, my mind begins to feel cluttered and a little more anxious. When the sink becomes filled with clutter (dirty dishes), I feel stressed. I know this isn’t true for everyone (and it’s not necessarily true for the edges of my desc). But it’s true for many…and it may be true for someone in your family. Why? At least one study suggest that many people experience “cognitive overload” in the midst of a cluttered environment. The clutter distracts their focus and attention, overwhelms them with stimuli, while they try to prioritize the information around them.

On the positive side, clutter has been linked with greater creativity (thus my desk—that’s my rational and I’m sticking with it!).  Still, on the negative side, clutter has also been linked with eating a less healthy diet and less effective parenting which can potentially contribute to more behavioral problems. Clutter can also contribute to an increase in anxiety.

If clutter increases your stress or the stress of someone in your family, what can you do? The simple answer is to clear the clutter. But, in today’s busy and cluttered world, that can prove challenging at times. So here are some tips to help you declutter and “free your mind” from the stress of the mess, the tyranny of clutter. 

  • Declutter once a week. Set aside a specific time each week to clean up and declutter. Play some music in the background while you do. If you’d prefer, listen to a podcast while you clean your area. Recognize that as you reduce the distractions associated with clutter, you ease your mental load and free yourself to focus mentally and get more done.
  • Establish “micro-decluttering times.” If you struggle to set an extended period once a week, try cleaning for 5-10 minutes each day.
  • Bypass the clutter altogether. Develop the habit of “handling things (like the mail) once.” As soon as you get the mail, look at it. Decide what is necessary. If it’s junk mail, toss it right then and there. If it’s a bill, put it in a file for bills to be paid. The same principle can apply to dishes. After you eat, wash the plates and put them away…or rinse the and put them in the dishwasher. You get the idea. Don’t leave stuff laying around until you get to it. “Handle it once” and put it in its appropriate place.
  • Define the clutter. Recognize that not all clutter is bad clutter. Perhaps you or a family member have certain areas of clutter that aids your “creative side” (my desk—I told you I’m sticking with it.) Discuss this as a family and define what area can have clutter, the boundaries of how far that clutter can extend, and any other limit on the clutter.
  • Don’t go overboard.  Remember, clutter happens. No need for perfectionism. In fact, a perfectionistic worry about clutter can prove as harmful as clutter for a person’s mental health. Do the best you can. Work together.

Don’t let the tyranny of clutter overwhelm you. Defeat the stress of the mess by implementing these 5 actions. Not only will you minimize the clutter in your home, but you will also maximize your cognitive space for giving undistracted attention to your family. Undistracted attention to my family…that sounds like a great reward.

Help Your Teen Stop Ruminating

Teens have repetitive thoughts; actually, we all do. Those thoughts can become ruminations when teens (or adults) start to think obsessively about them. Ruminating on negative thoughts will increase a person’s level of stress and discomfort. It can also lead to anxiety and depression. It hinders and even prevents us from experiencing a happier, more satisfying life. But can we change those ruminating thoughts? If so, how can we teach our teens to stop ruminating on negative thoughts? The answer to the first question is “Yes, we can change those ruminating thoughts and even learn to ruminate less.” A study involving 145 teens helps us answer the second question by exploring how to teach teens to stop their ruminating thoughts.

To begin the experiment, researchers induced a negative mood in the teens who had volunteered for the study. They did this by creating a feeling of exclusion for each teen. Then they split the teens into four groups: two “rumination groups” and two “distraction groups.” The “rumination groups” were prompted to ruminate using verbal thoughts in one group and mental imagery (mental pictures) in the other group. Likewise, the “distraction group” was prompted to distract themselves using verbal thoughts in one group or mental imagery in the other group. While each of the four groups followed their prompts, the researchers monitored the activity of their heart and skin conductance (measures of stress). In addition, the teens rated their “current emotional state” at four different points during the study. What did the researchers discover?

Teens ruminate using both verbal thoughts and mental imagery. This study showed that both verbal rumination and rumination using mental imagery had an equally negative impact on the teen’s mood.

On the other hand, mental imagery proved more effective and powerful than verbal thoughts in distracting the teens from ruminating. Mental imagery, in other words, was more effective at stopping ruminating thoughts. Why? Because focusing on a mental image, a mental picture, required more effort and consumed more mental space. So, what does this mean for you and your teen?

You can use this finding to help your teen manage their emotions, to help them learn how to not be overwhelmed with worry and anxiety. In other words, you can use this information to help our teens stop ruminating. First, begin by practicing the use of mental imagery yourself. Our teens learn best from our example. When worried thoughts begin to pile up in your mind, invest your energy in creating a mental image unrelated to the worry. For instance, you might focus on your favorite vacation spot. In the study described above, the mental image was simply “a lemon in various conditions.”  I like to suggest people use a silly image at times—like a sky-blue Volkswagen being driven by a giraffe whose neck and head stick out the sky light while a pink elephant sits crammed into the passenger seat.  Pick your image. Let it be one that brings a chuckle or a sense of peace. Focus on the sensations inherent in the image—the colors, smells, physical sensations, sounds, etc. Let the image fill your mind.

Second, teach your children and teens how to use this skill. Teach them to pick a mental image that will utilize the mental energy currently deployed in the service of ruminating and fill them with a sense of peace or give them a chuckle instead.

Of course, you still want to do whatever you can to respond to any reasonable concern (worry). For instance, picturing yourself on a beach can reduce excessive and unnecessary worry about an upcoming test, but it won’t help you pass the test. Only studying will do that. And studying will also reduce your worry about passing the test. Which gives rise to the third point. Do the work necessary to address the concern. Sometimes the best way to beat the worry and anxiety of rumination is to actually get to work and address the concern.

Don’t let rumination interfere with your teen’s contentment and joy in life. Teach them, by example and instruction, to do the work necessary to address any legitimate concern. If ruminating thoughts persist, teach them to utilize mental imagery to stop the rumination.

What If We Treated Life Like We Treat Sleep?

I was reading Why Sleep Matters for Kids’ Bodies and Brains. The author noted that “kids don’t sleep enough.” She quoted Rafael Pelayo, a sleep expert, as saying, “Whenever I tell people that my work is on sleep, people say things, like, ‘I love to sleep.’ That’s an odd thing to say, because it’s like saying you’re fond of oxygen.” Sleep is as important as oxygen. We need it to survive. Yet we tend to think of it as an enjoyable thing we don’t get enough of. Fact is: sleep-deprivation is associated with a host of physical and mental ailments. We need sleep to live healthy, happy lives.  

A little later in the article, the sleep expert compared people’s thoughts about their need for sleep with their thoughts about food. He said, “You don’t say to your kids, ‘Eat whatever you want on Saturday or Sunday, because I’m going to starve you Monday to Friday. Yet that’s the way we treat sleep.” What? He’s right. We let our children stay up late and force them to get up early Monday through Friday, limiting their sleep time and then allowing them to sleep all day Saturday and Sunday. Unfortunately, “it doesn’t work that way.” We don’t catch up on our sleep. We’ve starved their need for sleep during the week and gorged on the weekend. Not a healthy diet of sleep.

He also noted that we dream in the last quarter of the night. So when we awaken children early, we interfere with the dream cycle of their sleep. We are “dream-depriving them.” He then goes on to say, “It’s a platitude we say to teenagers all of the time: we want you to follow your dreams. But we cut off the ability to dream with the schedules we impose on them.”

Those statements “got me wondering.” How else do we treat sleep in ways wildly contradictory to the rest of life. Consider these examples:

  • We need to model good sleep habits for our children, but we often don’t make great sleep role models. We live in a world that does not value sleep.  I’ve even heard people pridefully talk about how little sleep they got last night to highlight their dedication to the current activity or the busyness of their work. Such statements do not model good sleep habits. Such actions and statements basically tell our children to “Do as I say, not as I do.” Who would smoke a cigarette and tell their child to “Do as I say, not as I do” and expect they won’t try smoking?
  • Sometimes we reward our children with the “privilege” of staying up late. If they finish their homework, help clean the kitchen, or behave appropriately all day, they can stay up late and skip some of their needed time of sleep. That’s like telling our children, “Do a good job and you can engage in this unhealthy practice of sleep-deprivation.” It would be like sitting at the dinner table and saying, “If you eat all your donuts, you don’t have to eat your vegetables.”
  • Times get busy and sleep gets put on the back burner. But remember, sleep is essential for our mental, emotional, and physical health. Without sleep, we struggle. Yet, we put it on a back burner compared to other things in our lives—work, school, athletics, music, socialization, TV, gaming, social media. What if we did the same when it came to using the bathroom? “Don’t take time to go to the bathroom, just do your work.” “Don’t quit gaming when you ‘need to go.’ Hold it. You’ll be fine.” The outcome would be less than desirable. When we put sleep on a back burner to our other interests, the outcome is just as undesirable. It’s a disaster.  

I know those statements sound silly when applied to parts of life other than sleep. But they should sound just as silly when applied to sleep. Sleep is crucial to our health. Make it a priority in your family. You, your spouse, and your children will be glad you did.

Feeling Stressed? Try Gratitude

Many people minimize the power of gratitude. “Just be thankful.” Sounds too simplistic, right? Besides, encouraging an “attitude of gratitude” has become a platitude, just another cliché to say when things are tough. Still, gratitude is powerful. It’s not a cure-all, but it can help. In fact, gratitude may be what you need to reduce the stress in your marriage and family.

A study carried out at the Irish University of Maynooth suggests that gratitude will help you and your family react with less stress AND recover more quickly from stress. Specifically, gratitude predicted lower systolic blood pressure in response to a stress arousing experience in this study. A lower systolic blood pressure contributes to a lower risk of stroke or heart attack. In other words, if you want a family that manages stress more effectively and recovers more quickly from stressful events, make gratitude a daily practice in your family. If you’re not sure how to make gratitude a daily practice, here are three ideas to get you started.

  • Start a gratitude photo album on your phone.  Every day, take a picture of something for which you are grateful. In fact, take two or three photos a day of things for which you are grateful. Store them on your phone in an album entitled “Grateful.” When you’re feeling blue or stressed, flip through the photos. While you’re at it, randomly share a photo of gratitude with your family.  Share your gratitude pics anytime you feel the urge. They will be your “random expressions of gratitude.”
  • Engage in intentional expressions of gratitude as well. Intentionally watch for opportunities to express gratitude to your spouse, your children, and your parents. Obviously, you can thank them for the extraordinary things they do. However, make it a point to thank them for the mundane as well—like doing the laundry, cleaning their room, playing quietly, watching a movie with you, doing their chores. Don’t stop with your family. Thank the clerk at the checkout counter, your postal worker, the guy who holds the door for you, your waiter…. You get the idea. Offer thanks every chance you get. Not only will you enjoy the benefits of gratitude, you’ll be modeling a lifestyle of gratitude for your children as well.
  • End the day with gratitude. Each evening take time to review your day and write down three things for which you are grateful. Push yourself to think of something different every day. It will be easy at first, but you’ll soon find yourself thinking more deeply to identify things for which you are grateful. You’ll begin to see a whole new world of gratitude open up as you dig deep to find those things for which you can give thanks.

As you and your family develop the practice of giving thanks, you’ll discover that family stress decreases. You’ll also learn that when stress does arise, you manage it better and recover more quickly. And that is something to be thankful for.

Your Child’s Executive Functioning Needs to Go On a Diet

If you want your infant to develop healthy executive functioning (things like healthy working memory, planning abilities, organizing abilities, and behavioral inhibition) as they mature, you may want to put their executive functioning on a diet, a healthy diet. A study utilizing the data of 294 families involved in the STRONG Kids2 birth cohort study found the diet of 18-to 24-month-old infants correlated with their executive functioning. In this study, infants who ate more sugary snacks and processed foods were more likely to have problems with emotional control, behavioral inhibition, and planning and organizing—all components of executive functioning. That may not seem like a big deal for 2-year-olds. After all, “Kids will be kids.” But previous research suggests that children who had a higher consumption of sugary, processed foods also scored lower on academic tests than those who ate a healthy diet.  And another study found that a healthy diet was associated with better executive functioning than a diet high in snack foods in both children and adolescents.

What’s the takeaway for our families? If we want our children to develop optimal executive functioning skills in the present and in the future–if we want our children to exhibit their greatest abilities to plan, organize, inhibit unwanted behaviors, and effectively manage emotions–put away the donuts, chips, and cookies. Have healthy snacks and drinks on hand instead. Keep a fresh supply of fruits, nuts, and water for your children to snack on. You’ll be nurturing better executive functioning which, in the long run, means greater academic success and healthier social relationships. Go ahead…have a snack…there’s apples in the fridge.

Children’s Chores Do What?

Every parent knows that children benefit from doing chores to learn basic household skills as well as responsibility. Research also suggests children benefit from chores. For instance, research suggests that children who do chores have a greater sense of autonomy, improved prosocial skills, and greater life satisfaction.

A study published in the Australian Occupational Therapy Journal suggests in even more intriguing benefit for doing chores. This study, completed by a PhD candidate at La Trobe University, suggests chores may even benefit a child’s brain functioning. Wait…what? Chores might improve brain function, really? That’s right. In this study, the parents of 207 children between the ages of 5- and 13-years-old completed questionnaires assessing their children’s involvement in household chores and their children’s executive functioning—which includes their cognitive ability to plan, self-regulate, remember instructions, and similar mental tasks. Household chores included self-care chores (like making themselves a meal), family-care chores (like helping prepare the family meal or weeding a family garden), and pet-care chores. Here’s the kicker. A child’s engagement in self-care chores and family-care chores predicted their working memory and their ability to act before thinking. Specifically, children who engaged in age-appropriate chores also exhibited better working memory and a better ability to think before acting. Better working memory and a better ability to think before acting translates into better problem-solving, improved academic achievement, and even greater career success.

What does this mean for your family and your children? You guessed it. Engaging your children in age-appropriate and ability-appropriate chores can facilitate their cognitive development. It can improve their brain functioning. So let your children help you with household chores and involve them in independent household chores. Encourage them to join you in cooking meals, cleaning, or yard work. When appropriate to their age and ability, let them have the primary responsibility of sweeping, mowing, or dishwashing. Give them the responsibility of keeping their room clean. They may not know it, but you’ll be helping their brain grow and function even better.

Mom’s Village & Your Child’s Cognitive Abilities

Several studies published in 2021 (reviewed in Small measures can be a big help for children of mothers with depression — ScienceDaily.) suggest the importance of a mother’s support in raising children. Specifically, these studies looked at 120 families with 9- to 10-month-old infants in Sweden and Bhutan and 100 refugee families in Turkey with children between 6- and 18-years-old. The common finding for the families in all three countries was that children’s attentiveness, social understanding, and ability to make decisions fell behind when their mothered suffered from mental health struggles like depression. That’s the bad news.

But there is good news. When a mother receives support from her partner or if she had a large family or a large social network that “rallied round and supported” her, the child’s development returned to the developmental norm. In other words, a mother’s strong, supportive “village” helps her become the best mother she can be and keeps her child on track developmentally.

Where does this strong, supportive “village” come from?

  • A supportive spouse who invests in the life of the mother and his family is part of a strong supportive village.
  • A healthy extended family is another crucial aspect of the supporting village. Extended family willing to support, assist, and help while maintaining healthy boundaries is priceless for any parent raising a child
  • Social groups like those found in religious life or an active community life rounds out a supportive village for mothers. These groups allow for regular times of meeting with other supportive people in a common phase of life or who share common interests. They allow for the development of relationships that support us in our life transitions, struggles, and celebrations. (For more ideas on building a village for your family see It Takes a Village…Yeah, But How?)

If we want strong, healthy families to support our children’s attentiveness, social understanding, and ability to make wise decisions, we need to build a village for every mother, parent, and family. If you’re a family, you can begin by reaching out to build that village today. If you are part of an extended family, strengthen your relationship with your family. If you are a church or other religious organization, intentionally work to create a supportive community for families within your community. Our families, our children…our future…depends on it.

Go Ahead…Take a Nap

Last weekend we changed our clocks, “springing forward” into daylight savings time. In the process, we lost an hour sleep. That, on top of the fact that most of us do not sleep the recommended 7-9 hours a day, makes today the perfect day for a nap…and National Napping Day. Actually, every day is a good day for a nap. According to the Sleep Foundation naps not only reduce sleepiness, they also improve learning, aid in memory retention, and help us regulate emotions.  Napping also strengthens our immune, reduce cardiovascular disease risk, boost work performance, reduces stress, and decrease risk of cognitive dysfunction.  (see Benefits of Napping | Sleep.org ). In addition, napping as a family can help your family “get in sync” and in rhythm with one another. And, according to the “Nap Bishop,” if you’re looking for a way to resist the overworking mentality of our society that leads to burnout and contributes to oppression, napping is the resistance in which you need to engage. So, call the family together, grab your pillows, and resolve to take care of yourself. Take a nap.

Improve Your Family’s Brain Health

I must be getting older because I’m drawn to a study when it says it there’s “growing evidence” that people can do things to “slow down cognitive aging.” That’s why I looked at this study. The authors looked at the data of 2,171 participants with an average age of 63 years and made an interesting observation about keeping the brain young and promoting brain health. Specifically, they were exploring the impact of having “supportive social interactions that included listening, good advice, love and affection, sufficient contact with people they’re close with, and emotional support” on brain health. They discovered that the greater the availability of one of these “supportive social supports” was associated with cognitive resilience. Cognitive resilience is a measure of the brain’s ability to function better than one would expect for a person’s chronological age. So, which social support helped keep the brain healthy and young? Having someone you can count on to listen when you need to talk. In other words, have a listen ear available is the one social support that helps keep the brain young and healthy. In fact, as early as a person’s 40’s and 50’s the lack of an available listener contributed to a cognitive age 4-years older than those with “high listener availability,” (AKA, an available listening ear).

Why do I bring this up in a blog about family functioning? Cuz family is where the rubber meets the road when it comes to listening. If you want your spouse and your parents to have better brain health-a younger, healthier brain in spite of aging-remain available to listen to them. The simple act of being available to listen can help your spouse and your parent have a healthier brain. Isn’t that a great way to honor your parent and spouse, a wonderful gift to share with them? Listening not only promotes their brain health, but it reveals your love and affection for them as well. As an added benefit, your children will model your behavior. As you listen to your spouse and your parents, they will learn to listen to their future spouse and their parent (YOU!). And, but listening to you, they will promote your brain health. Sounds like a “win-win” to me. The whole family benefits.

To help you give your spouse and parents the full benefit of your listening ear, check out the tips in The Gracious Art of Listening and The Art of Listening Is More Than Responding. Then, after you’ve read the tips, lean in a little, open your ears, open your heart, and listen to promote your family’s brain health.