Do you want to raise independent children? Children who complete tasks independently and show resilience in the face of struggle? I think we all do…and a study published in Child Development reveals a simple way parents either promote or hinder a child’s independence.

In this study, parent-child pairs were divided into two groups and asked to complete a simple task, such as putting on hockey gear. Half the parents were told the children would “learn important, lifelong skills” from the chore. The other half were told the chore would help the children learn about hockey gear. Ironically, the parents who were told their children would “learn important, lifelong skills” intervened less often and offered more encouragement to their child (and so promote independence) than did the other parents.

In other words, when the parents viewed the task as a learning experience, they stepped back and allowed their child to complete the task independently. This, in turn, will foster the child’s autonomy, self-efficacy, and problem-solving. It will “boost their independence, persistence, and resilience.”  

So, raising independent children begins with changing your perception. Stop viewing everyday tasks as simply something to get done and start viewing them as learning opportunities. Recognize how much a child learns in whatever task they have to complete. For instance, getting dressed allows a child to learn gross motor skills, fine motor skills, coordination, how to match colors, how to tie, button, snap, or buckle, and more. Brushing their teeth allows children to learn wise rationing of resources (like toothpaste), fine motor skills, thoroughness, and self-care. Imagine how much they can learn from making toast or cleaning their room.

Take time to consider the learning experience inherent in your children’s activities, especially their daily activities. When you do, you will more likely intervene less and encourage more, promoting your children’s confidence, resilience, and independence.