Curiosity compels us to explore, to find things out…often with no material reward. We just enjoy learning about those things that arouse our curiosity. Researchers at Columbia’s Zuckerman Institute showed what the brain looks like when curiosity arises. Specifically, they showed people ambiguous visual images and used fMRI scans to witness how their brains responded. Through this process, they discovered activity in three brain areas that correspond with the person’s level of curiosity and confidence. In other words, they witnessed the rise of curiosity, as well as the interplay of curiosity and confidence, in the biological response of the brain. You can learn more about the particular brain areas in this study review; but I was intrigued by the relationship between curiosity and confidence.

In this study, the more confident a person was in the accuracy of their perception, the less curious they were. On the other hand, the less confident a person was about the accuracy of their perception, the more curious they became. At first, I found this relationship distressing. After all, we desire confident children who are curious. We want our curious children to have the confidence to explore. At first reading, this study seemed to suggest that confidence decreased curiosity. So, this finding aroused my curiosity.

We want our children to have both curious minds and confidence, but we need to distinguish the type of confidence we want them to possess. For instance, we want our children to exhibit confidence in their abilities to learn, to make choices, to act. This confidence actually contributes to their willingness to explore. It empowers their curiosity. Our children gain this type of confidence in their agency as we, their parents, 1) allow them to make age-appropriate choices and 2) support their efforts without taking over. Our children’s confidence in their abilities and their agency is girded and built upon our confident response to their efforts and choices.

On the other hand, we don’t want our children to be confident that they know everything. We don’t want to raise a “know-it-all.” Instead, we want our children to develop a hunger for learning based on the knowledge that they (or us, for that matter) don’t know everything. We want our children to recognize that others may have a different perspective and that their perspective may have valid information for us to learn. That realization that we “don’t know everything,” the lack of confidence in our absolute wisdom, opens the door to curiosity.

In this sense, when confidence in the accuracy of our own understanding is low, curiosity is high. And that is good. The desire to learn and gain a more accurate understanding opens the door to our curiosity and drives our learning for the joy of learning. You can help your children learn this sense of curiosity by:

• Modeling curiosity yourself. Talk about your own curiosity and what you learned when investigating what had aroused your curiosity. This may include times your curiosity led to fresh insights or times it led to amusing outcomes. The important thing is to share how you pursue learning in light of your curiosity.
• Talking about perspectives other people may hold. As you watch a movie, talk about reasons why certain characters may make certain choices. Discuss how certain situations may contribute to various feelings. Allow your children to explore and discuss various opinions and perspectives. Travel and experience different cultures. These activities, and others like them, inform us that our perspective is not the only perspective. As a result, they open the door to curiosity.
• Expressing curiosity about your child’s life. Ask them about their friends and activities. Ask them what they find enjoyable about various activities. Inquire about their emotions and relationships. This curiosity will not only validate your children, but it will also increase your understanding of your children and your intimacy with your children.
• Encouraging your children to play, especially make-believe games. When a child engages in make-believe play, they explore the perspectives and emotions of various characters in a safe way. Play is an amazing opportunity to learn perspective-taking and to explore areas that arouse curiosity.

These four practices will help your raise children with a healthy balance of confidence and curiosity.