Archive for Grace

The Benefit of Inaccurate Information

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We seem to live in days filled with misinformation, disinformation, and conspiracy. I find it frustrating and disappointing. Worse, I find it somewhat frightening for our children. But…then again… inaccurate information does offer our children benefits IF—and only IF—we develop and nurture a secure, stable, trusting relationship with them.

When children have a secure relationship with a reliable and trustworthy parent, they exhibit a greater ability to weigh the veracity of information they receive. They also show an improved ability to assess the reliability of the person sharing the information. Moreover, they tend to act on the intent of the information giver, not just the content they receive.

This is important for parents. After all there will be times in which we give our children inaccurate information. It may happen based on our own misunderstanding of the information or of the question asked. It can occur when we are tired. It may happen because we simply don’t know and thought we did. But it will happen. Truth be told (and I hate to admit this) even parents don’t know everything. As a result, we will share inaccurate information with our children at times. (For more, read The Perfectly Inadequate Parent.) But here’s one of the beautiful aspects of developing and nurturing a secure relationship with our children, one built on trust and reliability. When we make a mistake and share inaccurate information, they will recognize our intent to share accurate information. They will remember our character and integrity. Most importantly, they will act on our intent and our character, not the inaccurate information. They will correct any inaccurate or incomplete information we might have accidentally shared. (See An Amazing Parenting Insight Learned in Three Parts.) They will correct our inaccuracies and continue to love us, respect us, trust us, and turn to us.

Another benefit of inaccurate or misleading information involves strangers. When our children have a secure relationship with us, hearing inaccurate information helps them learn how to assess the reliability of a person and the extent to which they can trust that person. In other words, based in a secure relationship with a parent, inaccurate information helps our children learn discernment. That discernment will protect them from people who might try to take advantage of them through the dissemination of inaccurate information. It will protect them in this age of misinformation, disinformation, and conspiracy. In this way, inaccurate information can benefit our children…but only if they have a secure relationship with a trusted and dependable parent. Start building and nurturing that relationship with your child today. It will help them develop the discernment they need for a lifetime.

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In the Shadow of the Cross

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It’s Saturday, the day after Good Friday and the day before Resurrection Sunday. I’m left only with my thoughts as I sit in the silence between the pain of death and the hope of resurrection. I imagine the friends and family of Jesus sitting silently, hopelessly pondering a myriad of questions. What would happen next? Why did He die? What will become of us? Was it all a lie? I join them in confusion as I look at our world and wonder what the cross has to offer. In a world so distraught by greed and pride, conflict and war, what does the cross have to offer? Closer to home, what can our families and communities learn from the cross? Of course, we know the end of the story, so we know the resurrection brings life and hope. But what of today, the day before the resurrection? What do we learn in the silence?

We learn that the cross calls us to give ourselves up in humble submission to one another. Jesus “gave Himself up” for us in humble submission to His Father. For that very reason, He was “highly exalted” and given a “name above every name.” He returned to “the right hand” of His Father, “having become as much better than the angels.” Giving ourselves up in humble submission to one another opens the door to not only returning home but returning to a home filled with greater intimacy and joy. It opens the door to having a “greater reputation” as one who loves deeply enough to “give himself up” for the benefit of his family, his friends, and his community, as one who models true love for the whole family to emulate. Every family will benefit when they give themselves up in humble submission for the benefit of one another.

We learn that the cross points us toward reconciliation. We all make mistakes. We will offend one another, both unintentionally and intentionally. We will say the wrong thing. We will renege on our promises. We will neglect to speak or act in love. How can a marriage, a parent-child relationship, or a friendship continue in light of such offense? There is only one way: by offering forgiveness and so opening the door to reconciliation. Ironically, in following the model of the cross, the offended one, the one who was wronged, will pay the price of that wrong in order to initiate forgiveness and open the door to reconciliation. The cross teaches us to forgive and even bear the burden of pain brought about by the other person’s offense in order to open the door of reconciliation. Take a moment to think about that. Imagine how that type of cross-based forgiveness will impact your family.

Not only does the cross point us to reconciliation, but it also convicts us of our shortcomings. After all, “it was my sin that held Him there until it was accomplished….” The cross calls us to “speak the truth in our hearts,” confess our wrongs, and bear the fruit of that repentance. In light of the cross, we cannot hide from our responsibility. We must “speak the truth in our hearts” and acknowledge when we hurt our spouse or children or neighbor or friend. We must apologize and seek forgiveness. We must then “change our ways” and live a life that reveals the depth of our sincere apology. To whom do you need to apologize? Your spouse? Your children? Your parent? Don’t wait. Do it.

Giving ourselves up…forgiving one another to open the door of reconciliation…taking responsibility for our wrongs, apologizing, and living the “fruit of repentance… They’re all found in the shadow of the cross. They’re all necessary for a healthy family. Imagine how such actions would impact your family. Then commit to living out these practices starting today.

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The Starter Ingredients of a Healthy Marriage

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Marriages require at least two basic ingredients added in the right order at the start. The first ingredient is dedication. That makes sense, doesn’t it? After all, if we desire to find success in any enterprise, we must dedicate time and energy into creating that success. In marriage, dedicating our time and energy means moving from “me” to a “we” and an “us.” We don’t simply move to an “us in the moment” either, but an “us with a future.” In practical terms this means placing a greater priority on our relationship than our individual self. We express our desire to remain an “us” by investing time together to build our relationship with our spouse. We willingly serve our spouse because we love them and are dedicated to their happiness. We forgive minor offenses because we are dedicated to a future together and have already seen the joys of our time together. We recognize that our love can continue to grow, and our intimacy continue to deepen, so we willingly make sacrifices, some small and some large, for one another.    

Dedication is supported by a second ingredient: constraint. Constraints are the bonds that naturally grow in relationships and make it more difficult to separate. For instance, when a couple announces to their friends that they are in an exclusive relationship, they have taken on a constraint. To break up after that announcement requires explaining to additional people and forcing those people into the awkward position of caring for (and possibly choosing between) both parties in a painful situation. Another constraint is buying a house (or getting a dog or buying a car) together. Joint ownership adds a layer of complication to separating as you have to negotiate how to “divey up the goods.”  Of course, having children adds another layer of constraint. As you can see, constraints arise naturally.

When dedication is strong, naturally arising constraints simply serve to strengthen an already strong relationship. However, without dedication, constraint begins to feel like a prison, an inescapable trap. This brings up a third surprising ingredient: timing. Ideally, a couple begins to build dedication before constraint, commitment before accepting the constraints of moving in together or having a baby together, for example. If a couple “slips” into a relationship through constraints, the relationship begins to feel like a trap. For instance, some couples move in together for convenience rather than dedication—it’s closer to work, a way to save money, an experiment to see if “we want to dedicate.” Such situations, often made without consideration to the level of dedication in the relationship, result in ambiguity, dissatisfaction, and even resentment. If constraints arise without dedication, the relationship eventually suffers. With that in mind, it becomes important for couples to clearly communicate their level of dedication and commitment before adding any level of constraint to their relationship. Your long-term happiness depends on it.

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The Harmony of Truth and Love in Conflict

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The happiest marriages hold a beautiful harmony of truth and love, even in the midst of conflict. I like how Jimmy Evans puts it (You can read this quote from Jimmy Evans and more @ Jimmy Evans Quotes (Author of Tipping Point) (goodreads.com)):

“Truth without love is like surgery without anesthesia. Love without truth is like a cheerleader without a team. But truth in love is meaningful…and it is the only way communication can be effective and cause growth in relationship.”

In other words, a healthy marriage requires a harmony of truth and love, especially in conflict and the expression of our thoughts and feelings. Healthy couples strive to create a loving environment in which they both feel safe enough to share their true thoughts and feelings. The ability to share our deeper thoughts and feelings demands truth and love on the part of both partners, the one listening and the one speaking. 

The speaker must give voice to their thoughts, concerns, and feelings in a loving manner. This requires a great deal of self-awareness. They must remain self-aware enough to know how their choice of words and their tone of voice impact the meaning of their message and the listener’s ability to hear that message. It also requires integrity, a deep truthfulness within our hearts, to recognize how “my” speech impacts the listener and then a humility that allows one to adjust my communication based on that truth.

In love, the speaker will start the conversation gently rather than harshly. They will begin with kindness and love rather than casting blame, making accusations, or throwing out negative labels. They will begin with the objective truth of what has happened, the objective situations that cause them distress, rather than speculation about the other person’s intent or motivation.

In love, the speaker will reveal themselves to their spouse, offering them the gift of knowing them more deeply. In love, they will reveal their subjective feelings about the situation while still taking true responsibility for managing their emotions and their response to their emotions. They will offer the gift of their vulnerability as they describe ways in which their spouse’s actions or words have contributed to their distress. 

In love, the speaker will also believe the best about their spouse. They will believe their spouse did not intend harm. They will believe their spouse will desire reconciliation and will apologize for any hurt caused. In other words, the speaker will speak in love, believing the best about their spouse in love, and assuming the best response from their spouse in love until there is some objective reason (truth) to believe otherwise.  After all, “love believes all things.”

The listener must also act in truth and love. In love, the listener will accept the gift of revelation from their spouse. They will postpone their defensiveness and their explanation to listen fully, to listen to understand. As they listen, they will consider the truth of their spouse’s message. They will hold the truth of their spouse’s message in their heart and allow that truth to influence them. In love, they will apologize as needed and in truth they will bear the fruit of their apology. They will lovingly change their behavior according to the truth.

In love, the listener will focus on their spouse’s emotions, their feelings, so they can offer comfort and deepen their understanding of their spouse. Selflessly, in love, they will postpone their own response until their spouse feels heard and understood. Even then they will speak with love, accepting what their spouse has said and allowing it to influence them.

As you can see, throughout this process the speaker and the listener must harmonize truth and love in their words, their actions, and their responses. Truth by itself would simply cause more pain. Love, without truth, is no more than a shallow blowing in the breeze…in fact, it’s not really love at all. But the harmony of truth and love produces a beautiful intimacy. The truth brings concerns to the surface so they can be addressed and resolved. The truth compels each one to assess their own actions and behaviors. Love drives each one to tell the truth so the relationship can be strengthened through the resolution of even minor concerns. Love compels each one to state the truth gently, objectively, caringly so the other can hear it more easily.

When we learn to speak the truth in love, the harmony we experience is profound and the intimacy we share is beautiful.

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Some Parental Confessions

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I remember having many doubts and questions while raising my children. I can remember thinking, “I have no idea what I’m doing” and, “This is too much. I’m overwhelmed.” On many occasions, I was exhausted, uncertain, overwhelmed. Have you ever felt that way? Have you made similar statements to yourself as a parent? Parenting can “take it out of us.”

So how do we get through those periods of doubt and confusion? We seek help. I don’t mean seeking a therapist (although that may prove helpful at times). I mean seeking out friends or family members. A healthy parent needs a support system, a village to provide support and answers to the many questions we encounter.

Supportive friends and family help us recognize the normalcy in the struggle of parenthood. I remember wondering (no, I remember worrying) about the normalcy of various behaviors my children engaged in while growing up. Every time, a friend whose children were much older than my children, would talk about times his children did the same things. It was a relief to learn my children’s behaviors were normal and I “wasn’t ruining them.” Supportive friends and family also taught me what types of activities and interactions with their children they found helpful. In addition, we could share our frustrations together, differentiate typical behavior from atypical behavior, behavior to worry about from typical behavior, and support one another in the journey of parenthood.

Supportive friends and family offer us time for self-care. We can turn to friends and family for periods of child-care that free us up to “take care of ourselves.” That may simply mean grocery shopping without an infant in arms or going on a date with our spouse. Knowing other couples with children may provide opportunities to share time watching children so each couple can go out as a couple. Or you might take turns with rides to school, practices, or activities, freeing one another up to take care of other things.

Supportive friends and family foster resilience and a sense of confidence. Having support strengthens us and empowers us to continue growing, even when we feel tired. They also can help assure we maintain a healthy balance in our parenting, pointing out ways we can improve in our parenting and ways in which we are doing well.

You can foster supportive friends and families in several ways.

  • Be the support you’re seeking. Offer to help a friend with their children, to take their children on an outing with your children. It can turn into an opportunity to do the same for one another. Encourage other parents you know.
  • Get involved in groups that include other families. That may include community groups, sports groups, music groups, dance groups, or MOPS to name a few. Church also provides an excellent source for family and parent support.
  • Meet your neighbors. I know it can prove difficult in today’s environment, but get to know your neighbors. Many neighbors become wonderful supports in helping raise children.

All parents need a village of support to empower and energize them in the task of parenthood. Who makes up your supportive village?

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Naps Are For Kids, Right?

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We encourage our babies and toddlers to take naps. But adults? No, naps are for kids. Or are they? I remember laying down with my children many times to get them to take a nap only to “doze off” myself. Is that bad? Researchers don’t think so. In fact, they suggest that naps may prove beneficial for adults as well as children. In one interview, the person being interviewed went so far as to report naps as virtuous.

What makes naps so good? We all get that “lull” in our attention and concentration in the afternoon. That represents a low point in our ultradian rhythms. It points to a need to let our body rest and recover from the natural work it has done and is doing during the day. When we take a short nap and allow our mind and body to recover, it sharpens our mind and helps us solve problems more effectively.  In fact, one study noted that those who took a short nap were better able to solve a math problem they struggled with prior to their nap. Naps also make us more productive; and they improve our mood.

There is a caveat though. The most productive naps are only 20-30 minutes long. These “short naps” allow us to rest and recover without suffering the sluggishness of trying to wake up from a deep sleep. Also, it is best to nap prior to 5pm so your nap does not interfere with your nighttime sleep schedule.

All this being said, a nap may be good for you and your family. It can help everyone stay in a better mood and so have greater patience with one another. It may help your family solve problems more easily, reduce conflict, or recover from conflict more quickly. And don’t forget that a nap can just make a person feel better. So why give all the good stuff to the kids? If you’re feeling overwhelmed, grumpy, or struggling to respond in a productive manner to the many things that arise in the day, take a nap. In fact, enjoy a family nap. It’s OK. It’s more than OK. It’s healthy for you and your family.  

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The Power to Change the World

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I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Kindness has the power to change the world and, just as important, kindness begins in your family. Sharing kindness with our spouse and children spurs them to spread kindness to those outside the home as well. It might just induce a ripple effect of kindness spreading through the community. Perhaps you don’t believe kindness can have this type of power. I too thought it sounded too good to be true. How could kindness, let alone kindness displayed simply within the family, have the power to save the whole world? But then I began to explore the possibility. Take a moment and consider some of what I discovered.

Family relationships are built upon small daily interactions. These interactions can be marked by kindness or not. Kind interactions communicate love and delight, adoration and appreciation for one another. This translates into relationships founded on trust, security, and safety—what researchers label as a secure attachment. In other words, daily acts of kindness help to build a secure and that secure attachment impacts how people navigate the world. In fact, researchers have found that prompting people to recall memories of healthy family relationships based on daily acts of kindness (a secure attachment), led them to treat others with greater kindness. Specifically,

  • They expressed fewer negative stereotypes about other people and voiced fewer negative emotions about other people. They also expressed less support for aggressive actions toward others.        
  • They reported less intense negative reactions to people outside “our group.”
  • Recalling memories of secure attachments eliminated the “effects of threat” to a person’s self-esteem posed by those with different views and increased the person’s willingness to interact with those outside “their group.”
  • It also lessened their negative response to people who posed a threat to their cultural worldview.
  • Recalling memories of healthy family relationships built on kindness (a secure attachment) led to an increased use of “self-transcendence values” like understanding, appreciation, tolerance, and protecting and enhancing the welfare of others.
  • It also provided a foundation for compassion and caregiving behaviors.
  • And, it contributed to reporting a greater willingness to engage in, and then actually engaging in, more selfless and prosocial behaviors.

These studies suggest that the small daily acts of kindness that contribute to a secure attachment can change the world. What are those small daily acts of kindness?

  • Showing delight in your family member. Greeting them with a smile reveals how glad you are to see them.
  • Expressing healthy affection for your spouse and children through loving words and affectionate touch.
  • Offering comfort during even minor times of stress and rejoicing together during times of celebration.
  • Encouraging your spouse and children to pursue their interests and explorations of the world. This may involve supporting them in their pursuit as well.
  • Listening deeply.
  • Believing the best about your spouse’s intents and motivations as well as your children’s intents and motivations.

These simple daily practices of kindness can change the world, starting with your marriage and your family. Kindness is powerful.

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Christmas Peace?

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Our world is a place divided. Wars and battles rage between countries, ethnicities, people with any differences. The actions of a small band of people get thrust upon the whole body of people as we generalize our hate with no consideration for context, no compassion for pain, no love for the misguided. People pick sides. Our cup brims with division and hate.

We think we understand and have the right answers. We trust our finite, limited wisdom thinking we have complete answers, but I fear we don’t. Making an idol of our finite understanding, we cling to our ideologies and cast out (dare I say castigate on social media sites) those who think differently than “our perfect and complete way.” As a result, we remain divided and scattered. In our arrogance, we never find the Truth. Putting to shame the counsel of the afflicted, frustrating the plans of the poor, we oppress or become oppressed, forgetting that the Lord is the refuge of the afflicted (Psalm 14:6). In all our efforts to form and protect “my group” and “my way of life,” we end up living in isolated enclaves, casting out those who “don’t belong” or finding ourselves cast out as the one who doesn’t belong.

Things weren’t all that different on that first Christmas. There were wars and battles. There were those oppressed and those oppressing, those who had space and those for whom there “was no room in the inn.” There were those who protected “my way of life” at the expense of others. Those arrogant enough to believe they alone had the right to determine the answers were sometimes even willing to kill to support their cause (consider Herod having the children killed).

But, in the midst of this chaos, a light shines in the darkness. A man and his wife lovingly sit in a crude setting to adore their newborn Baby Boy lying in a feeding trough. Angel choirs sing a song of celebration, announcing glad tidings of peace to a group of shepherds. In turn, the shepherds run to see if such “glad tidings of peace on earth, good will to men” could be true. They fall in worship before the newborn Babe. At the same time, a shining star catches the attention of some astrologers, leading the Magi with gifts from afar. They too come to worship and adore the Child. Rich and poor, people born in the land and people from a distant land, scholars and laborers all join together before Jesus for one purpose—to adore, to worship, to celebrate. They come in peace to celebrate Emmanuel, the Bringer of Peace. I believe they leave changed people—a little more aware of those around them, a little more kind and compassionate, a little more loving—filled with anticipation of a coming Kingdom lead by the law of love.

This Baby grew into a Man who wept as He looked toward the place of His final destination and said, “If you had known in this day, even you, the things which make for peace! But now they have been hidden from your eyes.” As children in the crowd continued to praise Him with words of “Hosanna to the Son of David,” the religious leaders asked Him to quiet the children. But He said, “Out of the mouth of infants and nursing babes you have prepared praise for Yourself.” Out of the weakest in the society came forth the truth which could lead to peace, the truth that pointed to the only way of peace…the gift of a Son, a Child, the Prince of Peace.

Today, as I contemplated the Prince of Peace and our seeming blindness to His gift, I heard a hymn sung by people who some would wrongly think to be the least powerful in their world. (In fact, they may be some of the strongest people as they remain steadfast in seeking the will of God for their lives in the midst of unjust vilification, great loss, and immense pain.) In this hymn I hear “living stones” cry out. I hear them proclaim a truth born “on the night of Christmas.” “On the night of Christmas, hatred will vanish…the earth blooms…war is buried…Love is born.” I hear the proclamation that as we live a life made possible by the Child born on Christmas, we will more fully realize His kingdom of peace. “When we offer a glass of water to a thirsty person…when we clothe a naked person with a gown of love…when we wipe tears from weeping eyes…when we cushion a hopeless heart with love…” we live out the Christmas message. Peace will grow exponentially when in response to the message of Christmas “I kiss a friend without hypocrisy…when the spirit of revenge dies in me…when hardness is gone from my heart…when my soul melts in the being of God” and “I am in Christmas.” This Christmas let us be “in Christmas.” Let us turn toward the manger and bow in humble adoration and submission before the Baby Jesus, Emmanuel, God with us. With His light before us and His Spirit within us, let us seek peace and pursue it.

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The Vulnerability to Invite Intimacy in Conflict

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We all know words are powerful. They can encourage or discourage, offend or mend, pull together or tear apart. In families especially, we want to use words that encourage, mend, and pull together.  Unfortunately, we often use words that divide, discourage, or offend. We may not say such words with the intent to divide, discourage, or offend. Instead, we often say them mindlessly, with little or no thought to their impact. Or, we might say them impulsively when we are anger or upset. Like a toddler throwing a tantrum in an effort to get his parent to stay close rather than leave him with the babysitter, we might say words that offend, divide, and discourage in response to feeling our relationship threatened or in an ill-conceived effort to “get the other person to listen” and draw near to us. It doesn’t work. In fact, these words are often dishonest; they don’t communicate what we truly believe or feel. They hide, even betray, the love we feel for our family.

To develop the habit of saying words that encourage, mend, and pull family together, we have to pay attention to our words, listen to ourselves and the words we use. As you listen to yourself, pay attention to how others respond. Remain mindful of the impact your words have on the people around you. Then, do two things:

  1. Become honest and vulnerable enough to take ownership of your feelings and communicate them to those around you. Don’t blame them. Be honest enough to state your deeper need.
  2. Offer words that can encourage, mend, and pull together—words that connect. This can prove challenging when you have a genuine disagreement. Realize, though, that the ultimate desire is not to be proven right at the cost of the relationship but to connect in an intimate and meaningful way.   

Let’s consider a few statements I have heard families say and what might be a more honest and vulnerable statement that invites the other into a deeper relationship. I hope these will simply help you think about how to use words that encourage, mend, and pull together. They are not simple rote statements that solve a problem. Use them as a starting point for any specific situations you might encounter in your family.  

  • “You never listen.” This statement reveals a fear of being unheard and thus unvalued by the one we love. Stated as is, defensiveness is sure to follow. “What do you mean never? I always listen to you. I’m listening now, aren’t I?” Instead, you might say, “Sometimes I can’t tell if you take what I’m saying seriously. Maybe I didn’t state it clearly enough to be understood. Can you tell me what you think I said so I know you heard and understood me?” Rather than accusing the other person, this offers a possible explanation that even takes at least partial responsibility for the problem. Also, it offers a solution, a way to enhance communication, a way to pull together.  
  • “You’re such a nag” or “Alright already. Man, what a nag!” Hear the discouragement, offense, and divisiveness of this statement? Make a change in your response. Begin by taking a look inward; then take the honest and vulnerable step of giving voice to your deeper feelings and concerns. “When you keep telling me over and over again, I begin to think you don’t trust me” or “When you continue to tell me to (whatever task it might be) over and over again, I don’t know if you really appreciated what I have done.” Once again, offer a solution with each of these statements by adding, “It would really help me if you let me know when you notice other things I’ve done.”  
  • “You are so selfish. You think the whole world evolves around you.” Consider the fear being communicated in this accusation—the fear that “you” won’t “be there for me,” to “love me” and “care for me.” It feels very vulnerable to communicate that fear, but doing so may bring you closer rather than pull you apart. Try saying, “Sometimes I feel like you’re so caught up in the things that interest you, that you won’t be there for me when I really need you…like I’m not important to you. ” Then, finish the self-disclosure with a request, “Could you tell me how important I am to you? And could you reassure me more often in the future?”

You get the idea, I’m sure. Statements that encourage, mend, and pull together in the midst of disagreements or tensions represent a step of honesty and vulnerability. However, the closeness they invite and the intimacy they nurture are well worth the risk. Will you take that risk today?

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The Threat to Our Families of Divided Times

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We live in divided times. Division rears its ugly head in so many areas of our communities and our world. These divisions have driven us into more disparate and polarized “tribes.” Sadly, they have also infiltrated our families. Division has reared its ugly head in the family to divide parents from children, spouses from spouses, siblings from siblings. You’ve seen it, perhaps even experienced it, in one of these three ways.

  • Families have become divided in response to busy-ness.  Children rush from activity to activity. Parents work extra hours. Churches and community organizations demand time of individual family members. When at home, each person is so exhausted they hide in their own room, watch their own TV, play their own game, eat their own meal. Each family member ends up living in their own world, caught up in their own activities and agenda, separate from the family…divided.
  • Families have become divided in response to the political and cultural environment. The ugly divisive nature of our world does not allow for differences of opinion or time for growth in understanding. So, families have become divided rather than supportive, polarized rather than curious about one another’s thoughts and ideas. They argue and fight rather than seek out the truth together. They become embittered, leaving no room for agreeing to disagree on matters in which there can be multiple opinions. They have shunned family members who disagree or sat on the other side of the “elephant in the room,” hiding behind unspoken resentment. In other words, divided.  
  • Families have become divided in the pursuit of materialism and extravagance. Materialism and extravagance demand more finances which may demand more hours away from home working to earn the money to “pursue the dream” house, perfect vacation, best car, or…. Unfortunately, family members become distant as they each pursue their own material desires. It reminds me of the scene in RV in which each family member sits in the RV wrapped up in their own music on their own headset, yelling the words to the song they hear to the neglect of everyone else…divided.

This is not the original intent of family…no is it what we want for our families. We want connection. If our children cannot learn to connect within our families, how will we learn to connect within the broader world? Connection brings a sense of security and joy to the lives of our children and our spouse. Connection teaches us to love. Connection gives us the confidence to explore and grow. Connection is perhaps our greatest desire and need. With that in mind, let me suggest six simple ways of combatting the polarizing division of today’s world and bring connection to your family.

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