Many people have told me, “I can’t forgive myself.”  Why? Some say they don’t feel deserving of forgiveness. Others fear if they forgive themselves, they engage in the same negative behavior again. They believe guilt keeps them from committing the same error. Neither of these fears are true. In fact, forgiving ourselves actually has several benefits. In fact, a study published in Spirituality in Clinical Practice, participants who experienced self-forgiveness were more likely to report less anger, less depression, and less anxiety as well as better sleep and less fatigue. A meta-analytic review suggests that self-forgiveness may also reduce shame, guilt, and regret while increasing life satisfaction. (You can read a review of both studies in The Greater Good Magazine from Berkley University Is It Healthy to Forgive Yourself?.) Decreasing anger, depression, shame, guilt, and anxiety while improving sleep and life satisfaction will actually contribute to not engaging in the same negative behavior again.

As you can imagine, experiencing less anger, depression, and anxiety as well as better sleep and less fatigue will also help improve family life. In fact, forgiveness in general has benefits that contribute to a healthier family life. For instance,

• Forgiveness strengthens relationships. It helps us address and resolve grievances, from the small to the large. This gracious act of forgiveness deepens connection by revealing the priority of the relationship and opening the door to deeper intimacy.
• Forgiveness contributes to greater peace of mind, a release of the anger that can grow into resentment and bitterness. Unforgiven grudges easily grow into walls of resentment and bitterness that hinder positive, loving relationships.
• Forgiveness releases us from the prison of the past and allows us to live in the life-creating moment of the present. In this present moment, we can build intimacy and joy through the small, daily acts of connection and love. A lack of forgiveness binds us to the past, preventing us from nurturing relationships today.

Forgive myself? Most definitely. Forgive my family? You bet. Why? Because forgiveness helps bring out our humanity and our love. Forgiveness protects our relationships and nurtures deeper intimacy in our relationships. Who do you need to forgive today?