I loved working with John (name changed for privacy reasons), a seven-year-old boy who had a seizure disorder and was very active. I learned so much spending time with him and his family. Part of my job was to take John to the neurologist for his check-ups. One day, John and I sat in 
the patient room waiting for the neurologist to see us. John was bored and started to explore…well, explore may be an understatement. He began to spin around in the chair, climb onto the sink and then the shelves. He climbed onto the bed to see how high he could jump. He climbed into the window sill. He started to touch various medical instruments in the room. I tried to stop him but I was young, inexperienced…and obviously had no idea. I just followed him around asking him to stop, trying to redirect him. He simply moved to the next object and touched, climbed, jumped, threw, pushed buttons, flipped switches, and anything else he could. Then the doctor walked in. He looked around the room and realized I had nothing to offer. He smiled at me and quietly walked to the exam table and pulled out a little wind-up toy. He wound it up and set it down. It banged tiny cymbals and then did a backward flip before starting the process all over again. John immediately stopped running around the room and watched the toy. When it stopped, the doctor showed him how to wind it up. John wound it up and watched it go. The doctor left to continue his work, returning several minutes later to see John. I learned an important lesson that day. If you want to change a child’s behavior, change their environment. Here are some simple ways Thomas Gordon identified to change a child’s environment in order to improve behavior:
· Enrich the environment. Provide lots of stimulating and interesting things for your children to do. Children do best when they have interesting, challenging activities to hold their attention. Pick an area in which your children can play safely and fill it with age appropriate activities that will attract their attention.
· Impoverish the environment. When we impoverish an environment, we reduce the stimulating, challenging activities available. I know it seems contradictory, but we can easily enrich some environments for our children and impoverish others. For instance, we may enrich the family room of your house but impoverish the bedroom. Impoverish the bedroom environment so your children have fewer stimuli to attract their attention when it is time to go to sleep. This may mean no TV, no video games, and no phones in the bedroom.
· Simplify the environment. Modify the environment so your children can do more things independently. For instance, put clothes where your children can get them and put them away independently. Keep a stool by the sink so they can wash their hands without your help. Put unbreakable cups within easy reach. Make the environment conducive for independent, age-appropriate activities.
· Prepare your children for changes in the environment. Children like consistency and predictability. When things happen unexpectedly, or when you have to do something that the children cannot predict, they become upset and act up in their stress. And, as you know, changes happen. Families encounter new or unexpected experiences. When this occurs, do your best to let your children know ahead of time. Discuss with them what will happen. Let them know what is expected from them. Encourage them and acknowledge their cooperation.
· Plan the environment for increasing responsibility and independence. As your children mature, they can become more independent. Plan ahead for this growing maturity. For instance, create a space for teen privacy. Purchase an alarm clock so children can start getting themselves up in the morning for school. Knock before entering your children’s room. Create a message center for sharing information when the schedules get busy. Discuss appropriate curfews and make sure family members have house keys.
You can change your children’s behavior by changing their environment in any of the ways mentioned above. Of course this won’t fix everything, but an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure…why wait until the misbehavior occurs when you can change the environment ahead of time and maybe even prevent it?
discovered a tool to improve communications—a tool to help bridge the communication gap, slow the communication roller coaster, and create better communications with our teens (and any other family member really). We accomplish this amazing feat through validation. That’s right…validation. Recognizing and accepting our teen’s experience as valid, even if we disagree with it, can build better communication. When we accept our teen’s feelings as reasonable, given their understanding and perspective of the situation, we will build more intimate communication with them. Validation builds a bridge to better communication on the pillars of:
integrity, character, and confidence. Most fathers find active involvement in their daughter’s life comes with some challenges. 
know that many opportunities will arise to disagree. Disagreement is good…frustrating, but good. Disagreement allows our daughters to think for themselves. It provides us the opportunity to learn about our daughters by listening intently. Disagreement also provides the opportunity to teach respectful ways to voice our disagreement. A wise father will allow disagreement, even discuss the disagreement. During that discussion, a father can model respect. He can model how to disagree while keeping the relationship a priority. One more thing…realize that some disagreements occur because of differences in maturity and experience. Do not expect your daughter to think like you—they lack the maturity and experience to do so. And, let’s face it, sometimes we are wrong and they are right. So, allow the disagreement. Allow them to think. Allow them to be right and accept it when you (the father) are wrong. 
course of action to take with your child is to do nothing. Don’t get me wrong; I still think parents need to remain very active in their children’s lives. Our children need us to guide them and even protect them at times. Still, sometimes the best and most loving course of action a parent can take is to do nothing. When we avoid taking every opportunity to intervene in our children’s activities, we communicate a very important message—”I trust you to do the right thing.” When we permit them to make mistakes rather than jumping in to “save them,” we communicate that same message—”You are a capable person who can learn from mistakes.” 
the sun was still out! But, somehow Mom knew even before the researchers figured it out. Now, I don’t want this to go to your head Mom, but…you were right. 
positive future. What is that ingredient? A memory! That’s right—a positive future demands a memory. Think about it… 
and friendships. These memories will guide them into a future filled with positive relationships.
“Children are really smart!” They are like little scientists, observing everything and figuring out what makes it tick. They study the properties of objects by banging, shaking, throwing, and squeezing them in order to discover what is hard or soft. Children study flight properties by hurling objects through space and laughing with glee at the one that goes the furthest. They are keen observers of people…little sociologists that watch the reactions of people around them and shape their own behavior in response. Case in point: my baby nephew. My wife held him while I hid behind her head. At “just the right moment” I would peak around my wife’s head and say, “Boo.” My nephew giggled each time my face appeared and I sounded the battle-cry of “boo.” We had a fun time. Little did I know how carefully he was observing my every action, soaking it in and remembering my face. The next day, we went to a Chinese buffet. I sat at one end of the table, my nephew, in his high chair, sat at the other end. Between us sat his mother and my wife. I turned to speak to my wife at one point during dinner and saw his little head at the other end of the table peaking around his mother. As soon as I made eye contact, he ducked behind his mother…and laughed. Moments later, his head appeared again and, with the same stealth, quickly disappeared amidst a giggle. My nephew remembered the game we had played the day before. He could not say my name yet, but he had studied me and the game we had played. A day later, he used that game to get my attention. 
Children are geniuses when it comes to figuring us out. So, even in the midst of discipline, realize that your little Einstein is studying your every move and basing his next plan of attack on your response. Knowing the genius of your children, keep these tips in mind:
When I watch this video I begin to wonder about our daughters…my daughters and your daughters. How can we help our daughters develop a more accurate view of themselves? What can we do to help our teens learn to see the inherent beauty they have as God’s masterpiece? Here are some tips to help you instill a sense of esteem and beauty into your daughter. Although these tips are important for both parents, I think a father plays a special role in how their daughter sees herself in the world. 
they even act like two-year-olds (although the other day my daughter said I was acting like a 5-year-old…maybe the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree). You may have even said to yourself, “They are so immature!” I have; and, I have heard many other parents say similar things. In my more rational moments, I respond to that statement with one word…GOOD! Yes, good! Children are supposed to be immature…they are, after all, children. They are learning and growing. Our job, as parents, is to help them become more mature. Character is one important area of maturity that we help them develop. When our children develop positive character they become trustworthy and reliable, which fosters better social relationships. Children with positive character also work hard, learn from mistakes, persevere, and experience more success. How can you help your children develop the character that you can be proud of? Here are a few things you can do to help your children develop a strong and positive character. 
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children with character, children who feel competent. Have you ever thought about what goes in to getting someone a really good gift? First, we have to think like they do: What kind of gift would they like? What gift would bring them joy? To answer these questions, we have to step into the other person’s shoes, see their life through their eyes, and accept their view of the world. In other words, we have to have empathy with the other person…a good character trait to develop. Second, we have to have a desire to be generous or gracious toward the other person. We have to desire to give them a gift with no strings attached and no expectation of repayment…otherwise it just isn’t a gift. Christmas shopping offers a great opportunity to teach our children about generosity and grace, especially the grace of God in giving us His Son to pay the price for our sin. That sets a pretty high bar on generosity, doesn’t it? Third (and on a much less taxing level perhaps), we have to use good math skills. We want to show generosity and grace, but we do not want to go bankrupt. We want to wisely balance our generosity with our actual ability. Math skills become important for wisely showing grace while remaining in our budget. Overall, Christmas shopping offers a great opportunity to raise children competent in perspective taking and empathy, budgeting skills, and generosity. What can you do to help this process? I’m glad you asked….Here are a two specific ways you can use shopping to build competence in your children:
about a particular gift. Have they heard Mommy talk about wanting that? Do they notice Daddy using something similar or wearing something similar? What lead them to think their friend might like this particular gift. Not only do you learn about your children’s thought patterns, you also help them learn perspective taking through this conversation.