Family by God&#039;s Design

Immunize Against Marital Breakdown

John Gottman, PhD, describes four phases a marriage goes through as it falls apart. Each phase reflects a symptom of the disease of marital breakdown. And, fortunately, each phase has a solution, a remedy, an antidote. In the first phase, the couple gets stuck in repeated arguments and conflicts. As many of these repetitive conflicts...

Grace Honor

conflict resolution disagreement intimacy marital satisfaction marriage responsibility

October 28, 2023

On the Line of Scrimmage

Let’s face it…we have feelings. Our children have feelings. Our spouses have feelings. Those feelings can impact how we say what we say…and how others understand what we say. For instance, saying “Wait a minute” in an exasperated tone communicates something different than saying the same thing in a calm tone. We read into a...

Family Shepherds Grace

arguments communication disagreement

May 9, 2022

Science Proves “Noodle Dance” Effective

When my children were younger, one of my favorite cartoons to watch with them was “PB&J Otter.” Actually, I liked one part of the cartoon in particular. Each episode led to a moment in which the main characters didn’t know what to do. Suddenly, one would suggest they “do the noodle dance.” Peanut, Jelly, and...

Celebration

arguments disagreement problem-solve resolving conflict

August 23, 2021

Avoiding the Family Flush of Criticism

Criticism is toxic. It creates a toxic environment that threatens to flush your happy family right down the tubes. It’s true. It never helps and it always hurts. Consider the cycle of criticism. Criticism causes the person criticized to retreat behind walls of protection and toss out bombs of defensiveness against the one criticizing them....

Family Shepherds Grace

arguments criticism disagreement discipline kindness

April 18, 2021

Compromise: My Way or The Highway?

If you’re married, you have probably had this experience. You know…the one that occurs when you want one thing and your spouse wants another. You disagree on the best course of action, but you need to reach an agreement. And reaching an agreement will require compromise. And so, the discussion (or should I say debate?)...

Grace Honor

compromise disagreement marriage resolving conflict

February 20, 2021

Those Aren’t Fightin’ Words

Every couple has their disagreements. Parents and teens have disagreements as well. Sometimes those disagreements escalate. Emotions flair. Words fly. We say things we wish we had never said. Rather than letting the escalation go that far, try doing or saying something different, something to calm emotions and deescalate the situation. Here are some words...

Grace Honor

arguments connection disagreement intimacy power of words

October 28, 2019

Marital Warning: Don’t Argue While Hungry

Hangry. The bad-tempered, irritable, agitated state a person experiences when they are hungry. Snickers made a whole series of humorous commercials based on it. Hangry. It’s a real thing…and it can wreak havoc on your marriage. Just consider this study involving married couples and a “spouse doll.” Researchers gave participants a “spouse doll” for three...

Honor

arguments disagreement marriage resolving conflict

September 10, 2018

Married to Burger King?

Remember the old Burger King commercials? I used to sing their moto, “Have It Your Way…,” such a catchy tune. Unfortunately, some people think they’re married to Burger King. They want to always “have it their way” in marriage, treating their spouse like Burger King. They want their “Burger King spouse” to accept their way...

Grace Honor

acceptance compromise disagreement intimacy listen marriage priorities spouse

May 12, 2018

Ten Commandments for Effective Conflict

Conflict can make or break a marriage. Well, not the conflict so much as how we manage the conflict can make or break a marriage. In my “exhaustive search for marital tools” I found an ancient manuscript entitled The Ten Commandments for Effective Conflict. Well…OK…I really didn’t do an exhaustive search. The commands are not...