It can happen so easily, quietly, subtly. We are happily married and enjoying our lives together when the busy-ness of daily life creeps up on us. The rush and pressure of work, children, community activities, and finances encroaches on our lives; and, in the midst of the busy-ness and pressure we take for granted that our spouse loves as and will always be there for us. We forget little niceties, like saying “thank you” or “please.” We fail to greet one another after a day apart and instead remain absorbed in whatever activity—cooking, watching TV, yard work, playing games—has our immediate attention. We become so preoccupied with our own demanding schedule that we neglect to ask about our spouse’s day. All this happens slowly, over time, and without any awareness. But, if left unchecked, each person “suddenly” begins to feel distant, even unloved. Their marriage falls apart as one or both spouses feel unappreciated, unloved, and unimportant to the other.
There is a remedy for this quiet threat. In fact, it is a rather simple fix. It begins with remembering. Remember when love was young and start doing what you did then. Remember when you were dating or even newlyweds? You probably made intentional effort to impress your spouse with your politeness and kindness. You asked them about their day…and listened attentively to their answer. You engaged in even the smallest gestures of affection as often as possible. Remember? Do those things again. Intentionally put in the effort to do the things you did when love was young.
- Each morning, ask your spouse about their plans for the day.
- Each evening, talk about your day with your spouse. And listen to your spouse talk of their day.
- Take 20-minutes each day to talk with one another about your lives as individuals and as a couple and a family. Talk about current events. Talk about your dreams. Talk about your concerns. Talk.
- Each day, as you go your separate ways AND when you reunite, give one another a genuine hug and kiss. Not a peck on the cheek, a kiss.
- Each day, look for opportunities to thank your spouse for what they do for you, your children, and your home. Thank them verbally or in writing every chance you get.
- Each day, verbally acknowledge something you admire or adore about your spouse.
Do each of these simple actions on a daily basis for the next 2 weeks, that’s 14 days. Even in that short time, you’ll begin to see your relationship grow stronger and more intimate. Then, make each of these actions a meaningful, daily ritual of connection with your spouse. Make them a normal part of your everyday life. As you do, you’ll protect your marriage from the quiet threat of busy-ness and nurture a healthy, happy marriage for a lifetime.
work, shopping, traveling to and from the myriad of activities…. I am growing tired just thinking about it. No, “livin’ ain’t easy” today; it is rushed, busy, hectic, and even chaotic. Unfortunately, all this busy-ness means we find little time to enjoy one another’s company in the family. The busy-ness robs us of the opportunity to sit down and talk, to learn about each other, and to grow more intimate. It keeps us from the spontaneous tickle match or the leisurely sharing of intimate conversation about relationships over an ice cream cone. Family intimacy suffers in this busy-ness; and family separation grows. Family members begin to live parallel lives. Or, we share functions rather than relationships. For instance, parents serve the function of taxi-driver or cleaning service rather than the role of parent, intimate mentor, and loving disciplinarian. The children are kept busy, but never get the opportunity to learn how to manage their time, involve themselves in family life, or relate in casual, unstructured conversation. Somehow, we have to get back to some “easy livin'” but it will not happen unless we make an intentional effort to “slow it down.” One way to “slow it down” is to become more conscious about the activities in which each family member becomes involved. To become more conscious about the impact of one activity on the whole family, consider these questions:
buttons pushed either. Effective parents learn to identify those buttons and avoid pushing them. I must admit, I still push a few buttons on accident; and, when I do, disaster ensues. So, I decided to look into what pushes my children’s buttons and share my results with you. Perhaps knowing these buttons can help you avoid some of the meltdowns I have endured. So, for the sake of more effective parenting, here are 5 buttons our children hate…and how to avoid pushing them!
pushing this button by making sure limits are necessary, clear, and concise. Let them know the limit ahead of time and explain the reason behind the limits in a way they can understand. 
is the typical run-around involved in keeping house and home–things like shopping, spring cleaning, working, etc. Even the world around us seems rushed and distracted. Music plays everywhere you go. Cars crowd the roads, weaving and swerving in and out of fellow travelers. Even in the “quietness” of home, computers buzz, lights flicker, cell phones glow, ice makers drop ice. At a recent school concert I watched the dancing shadows produced by the glowing lights of younger siblings playing video games on cell phones, I-Pads, or I-Pods. I encounter a constant barrage of lights, sounds, busy-ness and rush everywhere I go. In the midst of all this, you know what I miss? Do you know what I think our families need? Family rest!
relaxed, enjoyable moment of togetherness. You can do this in so many different ways, but here are a few. 
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