Decreasing the Stress of Modern Parents
According to the U.S. Surgeon General, parents are struggling more than ever to cope with the stress of parenting. Changing social norms and growing social pressures have contributed to 48% of parents reporting that their stress is “overwhelming” most days. We begin to realize the significant repercussions of this growing parental stress when we recognize that our children’s mental health and ability to manage stress depends on their parents’ mental health and level of stress. We see this every day. Parents, overwhelmed by their emotional needs, exhausted and distracted, struggle to meet their children’s emotional needs. Children with unmet emotional needs respond by exhibiting behavioral problems, emotional struggles like anxiety or depression, and relational problems.
Many factors contribute to this pattern of parental stress and children’s struggle. One that often remains unspoken is our society’s shift in focus, a changing priority. Specifically, society has deceived us, as parents, to believe that we and our children can have it all. Both parents can forego self-care in order to work, remain actively involved in community affairs, engage their children in multiple activities to “prepare them for college,” have amazing vacations, and still have quality time together as a family. Add the prevalence of social media, school, homework, extracurricular activities, and peer interaction to this formula and we don’t even have time to eat or sleep properly. Without even recognizing it has happened, we have come to believe we can have it all without sacrificing anything. We’ve come to act on the belief that we can have all the material success and achievement the world has to offer and still have time to build quality relationships within a healthy family that models healthy self-care. Unfortunately, it’s not true. We can’t do it all…no one can. In fact, in striving to do it all, in striving to build a life of material success, academic and vocational achievement, hobby expertise, and active community engagement, we may just lose it all to mental strain, disconnection, and emotional breakdown.
We have to reset our priorities. What priorities truly lead to a healthy life for our children and families, a life of true success and happiness? The number one priority is to develop and nurture healthy relationships. And healthy relationships demand time. Not time running from activity to activity or time spent planning and negotiating chores, but time spent enjoying one another’s company and conversation. Time spent playing and laughing together. Time spent relaxing with the ones we love. To have this time, we may need to sacrifice a few activities, pursuits, or purchases. We may need to live “smaller” in the world that pushes us to live “large.” We need to create time and space in our lives for relationships and self-care. Doing so will ensure a genuinely happy, healthy future for our families and our children. It may prove difficult to do, but I encourage you to try it for a month. You’ll find your feeling of stress decreases, your family connection increases, and your children’s joy increases.
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