Remember when you first met your spouse? The excitement of new love? The longing to see them as often as you could? The endless conversations as you got to know one another? Remember the nervousness when you decided to disclose some new personal information to them? And the excitement of experiencing acceptance anyway? How about the laughter and the thrill of trying something new just because your spouse-to-be enjoyed it? These all represent moments of self-expansion, growth, and learning. They drew you and your spouse together. These moments were the building blocks of intimacy and love.
Jump forward several years, perhaps even to today. Are things getting routine? Feeling kind of bored? Feel like your marriage is in a rut? Maybe you even feel a little dissatisfied and wonder how to “liven things up” a bit. Do you miss the “spark,” the burning ember of love that seems to have slowly cooled and grown…comfortable? Then I have good news!
Research reported (in 2000) in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology offers a great solution. Turn back to your spouse and do the things you did when you first fell in love. Literally, grab your spouse and do something you both enjoyed but haven’t done since you first met. Or, better yet, do something completely new, something you’ve never done before, not even when you were dating. Play a new game, cook a new meal, try a new activity, take a trip to a new place. (If you can’t think of anything else, try the activity used in the study. Tie yourself to your spouse on one side by the wrist and ankle before crossing a gymnasium floor that includes at least one obstacle. It doesn’t sound exciting…so maybe try taking a hike or flying a kite together.) Whatever activity you choose, make sure it is a novel activity, a new activity for you as a couple.
When you engage in these novel activities, you and your spouse will learn new things. You will grow and experience an expanding sense of who you are as a couple. Even better, research suggests that when you engage in these novel, fun, and exciting activities together, you will feel better about your relationship. You will grow more supportive and accepting of one another. In other words, your marriage will grow stronger and more intimate. Now isn’t that worth a little bit of fun along the way?