Tag Archive for kindness

The Choice

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I love my wife. She is the most amazing woman I know. Still, sometimes she drives me crazy. She does things that…well…just don’t make sense. Take the dishwasher for example. Watching her load the dishwasher almost hurts. I have to do it for the sake of getting it to full capacity. She has no sense of keeping the covers neat while we sleep either. She pulls them, pushes them over the edge, wrinkles them.

Right now, many of you are probably thinking, “I feel sorry for your wife.” Don’t worry. I drive her crazy sometimes too. (…even though I, like Mary Poppins, am “practically perfect in every way.” My wife just sighed and laughed as I typed that self-description. I “may” be exaggerating.) The dishwasher thing… she just laughs, shakes her head, and watches me load it. She thinks I’m crazy for how I cocoon in the covers. But here’s the point, the reason I bring it up. My wife and I share a deep love for one other and that love shapes how we respond to any “issues” that arise. 

In fact, when such “issues” arise (or even more significant concerns), married couples are faced with a choice. They can start to rant and rave. They can resort to criticism, contempt, and blame. Or they can let the viral warrior of kindness arise in our hearts.

I’ve heard many couples resort to criticism, contempt, and blame. I’m sure you have too.

  • “What’s wrong with you? You can’t do it that way.”
  • “You’re ridiculous. Get out of my way.”
  • “You can’t even wash clothes right. I have to do it to make sure it’s done right!”
  • “It’s your fault we can’t have friends over. You can’t even put your socks away.”
  • “I don’t know why I put up with you and your incompetence. You’re just like your….”
  • “What are you, stupid? Think about what you just said.”

The list of such comments can go on. You’ve heard them, I’m sure. However, in the moment of that critical, contemptuous, or blaming comment, love has been cast out the window. The armor of contempt with its weapons of criticism, disgust, hurt, and defensiveness, has been donned. Put on this armor and cast love out the window often enough and your marriage dies. A lack of kindness delivers death blow after death blow, slowing killing it. Sometimes it’s not even the words that we use but the tone with which we say them. Even seemingly neutral words given with a tone of sarcasm, condescension, or resentment communicate criticism and contempt. 

Love, on the other hand, gives voice to kindness in such situations. When your spouse does something that “drives you crazy,” love puts on the armor of kind words and kind actions. Kindness accepts different ways in which our spouses do things and view things. In fact, the viral warrior of kindness goes a step further and recognizes that our spouses’ way of doing things and viewing things is actually credible, possibly even better than our way!

The viral warrior of kindness also celebrates a job well-done rather than criticizing that it’s “not done to my standards.” Kindness recognizes that there may be multiple ways to complete a job, one as good as the next. The very fact that your spouse participates in “getting the work done” is an expression of love worthy of recognition by the viral warrior of kindness.  

As a result, the viral warrior of kindness compliments and expresses gratitude for everything our spouses do to make our home place of joy and peace.  In fact, kindness makes a point of seeking daily opportunities to express appreciation and admiration for their spouse and for what their spouse has done.

The next time you find yourself at odds with your spouse on how to load a dishwasher, fold a towel, squeeze the toothpaste, clean the bathroom, make a bed, or any other area of possible animosity, realize you have a choice: respond with kindness or not. Let me rephrase that: respond with love or not? After all, love is kind. Love employs the viral warrior of kindness.

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The Power to Change the World

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I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Kindness has the power to change the world and, just as important, kindness begins in your family. Sharing kindness with our spouse and children spurs them to spread kindness to those outside the home as well. It might just induce a ripple effect of kindness spreading through the community. Perhaps you don’t believe kindness can have this type of power. I too thought it sounded too good to be true. How could kindness, let alone kindness displayed simply within the family, have the power to save the whole world? But then I began to explore the possibility. Take a moment and consider some of what I discovered.

Family relationships are built upon small daily interactions. These interactions can be marked by kindness or not. Kind interactions communicate love and delight, adoration and appreciation for one another. This translates into relationships founded on trust, security, and safety—what researchers label as a secure attachment. In other words, daily acts of kindness help to build a secure and that secure attachment impacts how people navigate the world. In fact, researchers have found that prompting people to recall memories of healthy family relationships based on daily acts of kindness (a secure attachment), led them to treat others with greater kindness. Specifically,

  • They expressed fewer negative stereotypes about other people and voiced fewer negative emotions about other people. They also expressed less support for aggressive actions toward others.        
  • They reported less intense negative reactions to people outside “our group.”
  • Recalling memories of secure attachments eliminated the “effects of threat” to a person’s self-esteem posed by those with different views and increased the person’s willingness to interact with those outside “their group.”
  • It also lessened their negative response to people who posed a threat to their cultural worldview.
  • Recalling memories of healthy family relationships built on kindness (a secure attachment) led to an increased use of “self-transcendence values” like understanding, appreciation, tolerance, and protecting and enhancing the welfare of others.
  • It also provided a foundation for compassion and caregiving behaviors.
  • And, it contributed to reporting a greater willingness to engage in, and then actually engaging in, more selfless and prosocial behaviors.

These studies suggest that the small daily acts of kindness that contribute to a secure attachment can change the world. What are those small daily acts of kindness?

  • Showing delight in your family member. Greeting them with a smile reveals how glad you are to see them.
  • Expressing healthy affection for your spouse and children through loving words and affectionate touch.
  • Offering comfort during even minor times of stress and rejoicing together during times of celebration.
  • Encouraging your spouse and children to pursue their interests and explorations of the world. This may involve supporting them in their pursuit as well.
  • Listening deeply.
  • Believing the best about your spouse’s intents and motivations as well as your children’s intents and motivations.

These simple daily practices of kindness can change the world, starting with your marriage and your family. Kindness is powerful.

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Not Enough Time in the Day?

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We have 24 hours every day. That’s 1,440 minutes or 86,400 seconds…and it flies by. Time is at a premium, especially within our families. We “never” have enough time. Some would go so far as to say we live in a “time famine.” There just isn’t enough of it, not enough time in the day.

Unfortunately, that perception of time results in a decreased willingness to show kindness to others, to give of our time to help others. I’d like me and my family to be known as people who show kindness. So, what can we do to increase our willingness to help others in the midst of this “time famine”? We can’t add time to the day. No matter what we do, there are only 24 hours in a day. We could cut things out of our schedule. But what? We all need to work. We need to spend time with our families. We need to go to school, clean the house, remain involved in the community, engage in some recreation, eat, sleep, socialize…. It takes a great deal of soul searching and priority clarifying to cut “the fluff” out of our schedule.

Still, we need to do something or our willingness to help one another and show kindness will get constantly pushed out, relegated to second (or maybe third) place behind our busyness, lack of rest, and related irritability.

There is, however, a way to perceive more time in the day, a: remedy of sorts. It sounds paradoxical at first. In fact, it doesn’t make sense at first glance. But research suggests that it is true. Here it is: give your time to another person through some act of kindness. That’s right, give your time to help another and you’ll have an expanded sense of time. Give your time away and you’ll feel like you have more time to give.

In one study, giving one’s time to do something nice for another person led to a perception of greater time in the future. It also led people to feel they had more time in the present and so increased their willingness to help with an immediate task. Even recalling an act of giving significant time to help someone in the past led to a perception of more time.

On the other hand, suddenly receiving free time (being allowed to leave an appointment early), wasting time (scrolling), or spending time doing something for oneself did not result in a perception of having greater available time. Only giving one’s time to help another person in some way led to a feeling of greater time availability.

When we make giving our time to help others a priority, we expand our sense of time. When we teach our children to help, we teach them to have an expanded sense of time. That expanded sense of time can contribute to increasing our willingness to help a person in need, whether they be family, friend, or stranger. It can also increase our sense of calm and decrease our feeling of being rushed. I’d like that for my family, wouldn’t you? Then let’s start giving our time to help our family and others…and teaching our family to do the same.

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The Kindness Cascade

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Imagine: four strangers come together. Each one is given twenty dollars and asked to decide whether to keep the whole twenty dollars for themselves or share some of it with their group. Each dollar they share with the group will result in all four people receiving forty cents. Of course, this means the giver may lose sixty cents (they give one dollar but only receive forty cents back). On the other hand, if all four people gave one dollar, each person would receive one dollar and sixty cents back (.40 times 4).  So, mental gymnastics begins as each one decides whether to share and, if so, how much. “If I give too much more than everyone else, I’ll lose money. If everyone doesn’t give, I’ll lose money. If I give a little and everyone else gives more, I’ll really make out and still look pretty good….”

As the initial group time comes to an end, the players learn who contributed what amount to the group. Then, each player is given twenty dollars more and set up in another group made up of three new people. Each person goes through this process until they have met with a total of six different groups of four. (Read about this study in Cooperative Behavior Cascades in Human Social Networks, James H. Fowler, PNAS, 3/23/2010)

Here’s the question: How did learning about other group members’ contributions impact an individual’s kindness and generosity in future groups? Initially, many people might assume that each individual would act in a way to maximize their personal profit—in other words, keep all their money and walk out with a bundle or give sparingly in hopes of receiving back more than they gave.  But this did not happen. What actually did happen proved much more interesting.

When even one person contributed to the group, each of the other three group members changed their giving in the next round. Specifically, they increased their giving in response to even one person contributing to the group. And that increase in giving endured over the next 5 games, impacting each of the players in those games as well. Specifically, if a person gave one dollar to the group in round one, the other three group members increased their giving by 19 cents in round two, 15 cents in round three, 8 cents in round four and 17 cents in both rounds 5 and 6. Amazing, right? And of course, their increase in giving impacted the other three members of their new groups, contributing to each of those people increasing their giving in future rounds. In other words, one person’s generosity rippled out through other people for the next five rounds.  

That’s an amazing aspect of kindness. Kindness cascades from one person to dozens of others, even impacting and inspiring people we have not met! Imagine this “kindness cascade” circulating in your marriage before flowing to your children and then streaming through them to their schools and overflowing into your community. The power of a simple act of kindness inspiring another to act in kindness forms a cascading, gathering stream of kindness that fans out and changes a dry, weary land of incivility and impoliteness. And it all begins with showing kindness to your family.

Unfortunately, we know that rude behavior cascades as well. In fact, just being in close proximity to someone who acts in a rude manner contributes to ill-mannered and impolite behavior toward others. They also began to interpret other people’s behaviors in a negative light and so respond to them based on those misinterpretations. Those interacting with a rude person may engage in minor revenge (like withholding resources) from the rude person. Most disturbing of all, studies suggest that a single act of rudeness continues to cascade and impact other people for up to one week.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be ground zero for a cascade of rudeness. I want to become ground zero for a cascade of kindness. So, let’s start a kindness cascade that will water a land devoid of the refreshing water of kindness…and let it begin with you and me right in our homes.

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Subtle Kindnesses That Will Save Your Marriage

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Many marriages that end in divorce failed due to a lack of kindness. In fact, research reveals kindness as one of the most important predictors of satisfaction and stability in marriage. It makes each partner feel valued, understood, and validated. I’m not just talking about the grandiose shows of kindness—the big gifts, the beautiful vacations. No, those moments don’t make a marriage. It’s the tiny, often subtle, opportunities for kindness within a marriage that will make or break it. 

Consider the simple kindness of responding to your spouse. Imagine your spouse makes a statement in your presence. It may be a simple question like, “It’s a beautiful day, isn’t it?” Or it might be a simple statement like, “I think that’s an Oriole. Did you see it?”  Now you have a choice. Will you respond or ignore, acknowledge you heard them or pretend you didn’t hear? Will you shift to focus on your spouse for a moment or maintain your focus on whatever currently has captured your attention?  If you respond, will you do so with interest and enthusiasm or half-heartedly? Or will you respond by diminishing their interest or statement? A classic study by John Gottman found that those who responded with interest 87% of the time were still married after six years. Those who only responded 33% of the time were divorced. In other words, responding with kindness nine out of ten times built a happier, healthier marriage. But responding with kindness only three out of ten times brought the marriage to a crashing end.

It may seem like such a little thing, responding with interest to your spouse’s random statements, but it is a huge act of kindness that will fill your spouse’s emotional bank account with the currency of feeling valued, secure, and worthy.

Another simple kindness that can make or break your marriage involves how you see your spouse…or rather what you look for in your spouse. Kindness calls us to search our home and spouse for the things we can appreciate and express gratitude about. It compels us to search for what our spouse is doing right so we can express appreciation and admiration for them and their actions. That may sound obvious, but I have met too many couples that only criticize one another. They point out what their spouse does wrong, never acknowledging anything they do right. “You unloaded the dishwasher…finally.” “Are you ever going to take out the garbage?” “You never replace the toilet paper.” “I’d let you mop the floor, but you do it so poorly that I just have to redo it.” Unfortunately, those who criticize and complain miss 50% of the positive things their spouses do, and they see negativity when it’s not there, perpetuating a vicious downward cycle of criticism and complaint. Take the time, look around for things you admire in your spouse, things you appreciate about your spouse, and things you can express gratitude to your spouse about. Practice doing these three things every day. In fact, make it a daily habit.

Let me share just one more act of kindness that can make or break your marriage. When your spouse comes home excited to share a piece of good news, how will you respond? Kindness calls us to rejoice with the other person’s success, to enthusiastically connect over the good news. Kindness encourages us to be there for our partner when things are going right for them, not just when things are going poorly. In fact, many say that being available to one another when things are going right is more important to relationship quality than only being there when things are rough. We want to share joys with one another. So, celebrate when your spouse celebrates. Rejoice with them when they rejoice. Get excited for what excites them. Doing so is an act of kindness that can save your marriage.

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An Antidote to Fear for Your Family

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We live in a society filled with fear…right?  Conspiracy theories abound. Fear of indiscriminate violence keeps us on edge. Parents, in loving effort, hover and become overly protective of their children in order to keep them safe from perceived dangers. The media provides an hourly, 24-hour running presentation of sensational and catastrophic scenes that keep our fears aroused. Aside from all that, relational fears permeate our society. Fear of abandonment arouses our fight or flight response. Fear of failure leaves us frozen in place, afraid to venture out. Fear of not getting enough to survive subtly stimulates our greed.

That’s the bad news; but I have good news, too! We have an antidote to all this fear…and you easily access it every day. You can give this antidote to your family and apply it in your home to create a safe haven that can protect your family from fear that attacks them even outside the home. What is this antidote to fear? Kindness!

Kindness counteracts fear by informing us that we are recognized and loved. Fear of abandonment and estrangement melts away when we become the recipient of kindness. After all, a person took notice of us and cared enough about us to show us kindness. They saw us. They valued us. They graced us with their humanity.

Kindness neutralizes fear by affirming that each person is accepted. We receive kindness from others who, in spite of our differences, value us enough to share their time and effort in providing an act of kindness. A show of kindness when we disagree or experience anger toward one another reveals an acceptance that transcends opinions and feelings.  Shared kindness affirms that we accept one another enough to share kindness.

Kindness overcomes fear by informing us that our needs will be met. Witnessing kindness teaches us that kind people see the needs of others and they reach out to help those others. Kind people walk the streets of our communities. Kind people live in our homes. Kind people will reach out to meet our emotional needs and our physical needs.

Kindness overcomes fear by providing us with second chances. Kindness tells us that we are not defined by our mistakes and our shortcomings but by our humanity, our integrity, our efforts. Kindness does not hold a grudge nor keep a record of wrong. Instead, kindness offers a second chance and a helping hand.

Kindness leads to repentance and opens the door to change negative, hurtful behaviors. When we recognize the kindness others provide, it humbles us. It inspires us to act in kindness. It encourages us to make amends for times we have proven unkind. It returns us to our humanity and our desire to share kindness with others. In fact, a single act of kindness is contagious.”

Yes, kindness is an antidote to fear, an antidote we desperately need in our communities and our families. Knowing the power of kindness and the impact it can have on your family leads me to ask you this one question: Will you give your family the antidote to fear by sharing kindness with them on a daily basis? You’ll be glad you did…and so will your family. You might just spark a kindness revolution.

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The Humility of Listening

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We all have a desire to be heard. That sounds like such a simple desire, doesn’t it?  But “to be heard” is more than having people within earshot to hear our voice and the words we verbalize. We also want them to understand what we are saying—to truly comprehend the meaning, the intent, and the significance of what we are saying. Even more, we want them to recognize the impact of our words and so accept our influence. We want others to respond to our words in a way that we know they consider our words as important and significant. This deeper desire to be heard is doubly true when it comes to our marriage and family.

Does that sound dramatic? Consider an example. In the presence of your spouse you say, “It’s a beautiful day today.”

  • If your spouse does not respond, you look toward them to see if they heard you. When you see them immersed in something else—the paper, the TV, their work, the game on their phone—for the umpteenth time, you begin to feel unimportant, devalued. You feel as if they care more about their own interests than they care about you. You feel as if you have no import, no influence in their life. “I should have known,” you think to yourself. “Everything is always more important than me.”
  • Or imagine your spouse responds with an irritated, even angry response: “What? It’s cold out there. You see the sun and automatically think it’s nice but it’s too cold to go outside. That’s your problem. You never look at the whole picture.” Once again, you leave feeling unheard, unappreciated, even unimportant. 
  • Maybe your spouse looks up from the paper and responds. “You’re right. It’s a beautiful sunny day outside.”  As they speak, they take a moment to look out the window at the sunny day. They have listened. They have allowed your words to influence them in the moment. They have responded. They have heard.

This deep desire to feel heard points out a wonderful opportunity to show kindness. Ironically, it’s a kindness that enhances the humility of both the speaker and the listener. Let me explain. In a study published in 2021, 242 participants were randomly assigned into 121 dyads. These dyads were then assigned to a “good listening” or a “poor listening” condition. In the poor listening condition, the listener was instructed to act distracted while the other person talked for 10 minutes about a recent experience. The “good listener” was told to listen as if the speaker was telling them “the most interesting things they had ever heard.” In other words, the good listener was to listen with curiosity. Of course, those who were listened to with curiosity reported feeling “more heard.” However, the study was about more than simply “feeling heard” by the other person. It was about humility as well. This study found that when a person listened with curiosity, several things happened.

  1. The speaker perceived the curious listener as more humble.
  2. The curious listener perceived the speaker as more humble. Both perceived the other as more humble when one person listened with curiosity. And…
  3. The curious listener perceived themselves as more humble.
  4. The speaker perceived themselves as more humble. In other words, both perceived themselves as acting more humbly when one listened with curiosity.

Think of that for a moment. When I listen to my spouse with deep curiosity, both of us experience an increase in humility and perceive the other as more humble. And—here’s the kicker—humility in marriage strengthens marriage. So, next time your spouse opens the door with a simple statement, don’t let your eyes glaze over and ignore them. Look at them with delight in your eyes and, with the curiosity of hearing the most interesting information you’ve ever heard, listen intently. It’s an act of kindness from which everyone grows.

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The Kindness Connection

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We all experience days of sorrow, and, if you’re like me, maybe even periods of feeling down-right depressed. These periods can impact our marriages and our families. What can you do about those times when you’re feeling down? A study conducted at Ohio State University and entitled Healing through helping: an experimental investigation of kindness, social activities, and reappraisal as well-being interventions (read review here) offers an amazing solution. This study divided 122 people into three groups.

  • One group planned social activities for two days a week and participated in those activities.
  • A second group kept records of their thoughts for at least two days a week, identifying negative thought patterns and revising them in a way that could reduce anxiety and depression.
  • A third group performed three acts of kindness two days each week, three on each day. These acts of kindness could be “big or small acts that benefit others or make others happy, typically at some cost to you in terms of time or resources.”

Participants chosen exhibited moderate to severe symptoms of depression, anxiety, and stress at the start of the study. After engaging in their assigned activities for five weeks, they were evaluated again. Then, after an additional five weeks (that’s 10 weeks after the start of the study), the participants were evaluated to see if the interventions remained effective.

All the participants showed greater life satisfaction and fewer symptoms of depression and anxiety after 10 weeks. Although all the interventions led to improvement, engaging in acts of kindness led to even greater life satisfaction and even fewer symptoms of depression and anxiety than did changing one’s thoughts. And, most importantly, engaging in acts of kindness resulted in greater social connection than either of the other two groups. People engaging in acts of kindness felt more socially connected than did those in the other two groups and social connection is crucial for our long-term well-being.

What does this have to do with marriage? Well, here’s the thing: marriage will flourish when we have a deep connection. Depression and anxiety can weaken that connection…as can busyness or distraction. You can change how you think and make your spouse and marriage a greater priority…and that will help. You can also plan some outings with your spouse, things like dates and family outings. That will also help. But if you really want to grow more deeply connected with your spouse, practice acts of kindness on a regular basis. After all, acts of kindness led to even greater life satisfaction and even fewer symptoms of depression and anxiety than did simply changing one’s thoughts. AND it led to greater social connection. Who doesn’t want a deeper connection with their spouse? So, engage in acts of kindness. In the study, they did this only two days a week. I suggest you find a way to show kindness to your spouse every day. Make it a daily habit. It’s not that hard. Show politeness. Help around the house. Do them a favor. Give them a drink. (If you get stuck for ideas, read 31 Acts of Kindness to Strengthen Your Marriage.) Focus on being kind in your actions and words. You will experience a growing sense of connection you will both enjoy.

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The Benefit of Eyes Wide Open

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Those who know me well know I can go through the day with my eyes wide shut. I get so caught up in my own thoughts that I never see the world around me. Case in point: my friend once had to point out that a restaurant we frequented had painted their walls burgundy, covering the wall’s previous pastel green color. The food was good either way.

I don’t really mind being oblivious to colors, but I’ve had to learn to keep my eyes wide open when it comes to seeing opportunities for kindness. After all, wall color has little impact on my life. But kindness…. Kindness has the power to increase the physical and emotional well-being of both the giver and the receiver. Kindness holds the power to create greater intimacy with others.  Kindness strengthens relationships and opens the door of happiness in the lives of those around the one sharing kindness. Kindness is a viral warrior that requires me to keep my eyes wide open. How can you and I learn to keep my eyes wide open so I can see and recognize opportunities for kindness? Here are 3 steps to help.

  1. At the start of every day, bring kindness to mind. Get curious about kindness. Ask yourself, “I wonder what opportunities will come my way to show kindness today?” If you struggle to remember to ask this question of yourself, set a reminder on your phone.
  2. Bring kindness to the forefront of your mind throughout the day. In fact, remind yourself five times a day of your goal to see opportunities to share kindness and to act upon those opportunities as they arise. Remind yourself of kindness once at mid-morning, once at lunch, once in mid-afternoon, once at supper time, and once in the evening. Make kindness a common thought, a thought you keep in the forefront of your mind. Once again, if you struggle to bring kindness to mind, set a reminder on your phone.
  3. Before bed complete a kindness inventory. Think back through your day and write down times you showed kindness to others through your words or actions. Then consider if there were any times that you missed the opportunity to share kindness throughout the day—perhaps you missed an opportunity to share a kind word with a cashier, to hold a door open for someone, to let another driver merge in front of you. Write down these missed opportunities as well. Consider what prevented you from showing kindness. Were you rushed or tired? mindless? angry? Then, imagine what you could have done differently to show kindness at that moment.

Engage in these three practices every day for the next thirty days. I believe you will be pleasantly surprised at the results. In fact, I think you will grow in your ability to love. You could even engage in these three practices as a family and watch how growing kindness nurtures a healthier, happier family.

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What A Slap to the Face

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“Don’t be stupid.” “You’re an idiot.” “You are a lazy bum.” Ouch, what a slap to the face. Three of them in fact. Just reading an insult hurts a little, doesn’t it? Each one is like a “mini slap to the face “… literally. At least that is what Dr. Struiksma, the lead author of a study published in Frontiers in Communication, reports. She and her colleagues had 29 females read a series of statements that were either insulting, complimenting, or neutral. Half the statements used the participant’s name while the other half used someone else’s name. The participants’ responses were measured using EEG’s and skin conductance measures.

Even in this lab setting, with no real human interactions and with statements coming from fictitious people, insults “got under the skin” of the participants.  Each insult elicited an early effect in the brain; and it did so every time a participant heard it…. even if it did not include their name.  EEG readings from this study suggest that an insult immediately “grabs the listener’s attention” as they attempted to assess the insult and its meaning in the current context, just like a “mini slap to the face” grabs our attention and shocks us emotionally & physically.

I don’t know about you, but I find it very disturbing to even imagine someone slapping another person in the face, let alone slapping a family member in the face. Yet we live in a society where one person will insult another person at the drop of a hat, without even a thought. Don’t believe me? Recall the elections and political debates or skim through some Twitter and Facebook posts. Read them sparingly though. After all, in the study described above. even an insult given to someone else was like a “mini slap to the face.” Perhaps that is why so many political ads remain bothersome to us. Each one, each insult, becomes a “mini slap to the face” for the candidate and for each of us who hears or reads the insult. One can only tolerate so many “mini slaps to the face.” 

This insult as a “mini slap to the face” can also hit close to home, can’t it? Too many family arguments elicit an insult. But I don’t want to become the source of a “mini slap to the face” of my spouse or my children or my parents. Do you? Let’s not give our family a “mini slap in the face.” Let’s commit to NOT insulting anyone in our family (or outside our family for that matter). Instead, we can act on Fred’s determination regarding the opportunity to insult his Uncle Scrooge: “his offenses carry their own punishment and I’ll have nothing to say against him.” Rather than getting caught in a cycle of insults, let’s determine to offer gratitude, compliments, or even constructive criticisms instead. I’m making that commitment. Will you join me?

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