Tag Archive for priorities

Family Homes Filled with Sacred Places

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Our homes are filled with sacred places, places set apart for special purposes. We often take these sacred places for granted. Unfortunately, we disregard the sacred places of home to our own peril. When we neglect the sacred places in our homes, we miss the opportunities they offer for intimacy and growth. We fall “out of sync” and find ourselves growing distant from one another. Healthy families recognize the sacred places in their homes and enjoy them. Where are those sacred places? And what do they do for our families? Let me describe just four sacred places in our home.

  • Family having a big dinner at homeThe living room is a sacred place in our home. We share the stories of our daily lives with one another in the living room. Based on those stories, we develop dreams and goals that propel our lives into the future. As our life stories unfold with one another, we can share lessons, encouragements, and guidance to promote growth and the successful navigation through our lives and dreams. The living room has become a sacred place of cherishing and supporting one another’s life stories and dreams.
  • The kitchen is a sacred place in our home. The kitchen is set aside to allow families the opportunity to create together. In the kitchen we join together to prepare our sustenance. We work together to clean up the messes we make. We offer the fruits of our labors to one another so we can share in meals, conversation, laughter, and fellowship. We discuss the daily events of our lives and offer support and encouragement in the sacred space called our kitchen.
  • The bedroom is sacred place in our home, not only for the couple but for the whole family. It is through the bedroom we begin to sync our lives and attune to one another. We sync our daily cycle of rest and activity through the bedroom. We attune to one another and learn to enjoy rest together. For couples, the bedroom becomes a sacred place of learning the deep truths of intimacy and the cycle of sharing new life together. The bedroom is the sacred space in which we sync our lives together in such a way that new life is begun on many levels.
  • The porch is a sacred place in our home. We sit on the porch and reminisce about our times together. We grow more secure in our relationship with one another. But the porch is also on the border of the world. It is the sacred place from which we look outward. We stand on the porch and listen for the call of God, the dream instilled by Him in our hearts. We stand on the porch to explore our vocation and calling. Eventually, each one leaves home through the porch to fulfill their calling. They leave the security of home to live out their vocation in the world knowing that the sacred space of the porch is always available, always open. They need only step back onto the porch to receive the support, encouragement, and love they need to go on.

 

The home is filled with sacred places. Perhaps your sacred places are different than the ones I listed above.  That’s fine. Each family finds their own sacred spaces within the home. Most important is for each family to nurture the sacred spaces. Care for them with respect. When we do, those sacred spaces will bring health, happiness, and joy to your family.

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The Meaning in Our Lives

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I have the pleasure of teaching Life Span Development at local university. As part of this class, I instruct students to interview someone over 65 years of age. They ask the senior at least 11 questions. I want to tell you about two of the questions:

  1. What has been your greatest accomplishment thus far?
  2. As you look over your life, what is most gratifying? What has been the meaning in your life?

Family having a big dinner at homeAfter reading between 25 and 50 of these interviews every fall and spring semester for the last 15 years or so, I have noticed a pattern. At least 98% of the seniors who respond to these interviews gave an answer related to family for at least one, if not both, of these two questions.  When all was said and done, “family” had given these respondents their greatest sense of accomplishment, gratification, and meaning. Sometimes I am absolutely amazed at the adventures and accomplishments of the seniors interviewed. They had fought for their country in World War II, endured torture at the hand of dictators, become the first wave of female news anchors, made great strides in careers, invented things, created works of art, and participated in some of the most fascinating life experiences you can imagine. Many times their personal accomplishments and sacrifices brought tears to my eyes. Yet, when they think about the meaning in their life, their greatest accomplishment, or what brings them the greatest gratification, they speak of family. Family was a greater accomplishment than any extraordinary personal accomplishment. Family provided greater meaning to their lives than fighting for their country or immigrating from an oppressive country to the United States. Family brought them the greatest sense of gratitude. In family they could see their greatest achievement and their most personally significant legacy.

 

Every semester, reading these interviews reminds me of the importance of family. They remind me to reassess my life and my priorities. I hope my sharing this will encourage you to do the same. Creating a marriage that brings joy to our spouse, our children and our overall family will rank as our greatest accomplishment. Raising children of integrity who pass integrity on to our grandchildren will remain one of our most gratifying experiences. When all is said and done, family brings the greatest meaning to our lives. If you doubt the truth of this statement, ask several hundred people in late adulthood. For you and me, that sense of meaning and accomplishment is being achieved right now as we love our spouse and raise our children. Don’t let this family time pass you by. Make it your greatest accomplishment in life.

 

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Another Habit for a Happy Family

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Actions for Happiness compiled a list of 10 habits that increase individual happiness. When we encourage these ten habits in our family, we have happy individual family members. Happy family members contribute to a happy family. I don’t know about you, but I love to come home to a happy family! So, I like to explore how to make these habits an integral part of my family.

Roller skatesNurturing an environment filled with positive emotions is one habit that enhances family happiness. That sounds obvious, doesn’t it? But, we will never completely rid our family of negative emotions. We will always experience frustrations, times of discipline, doing things we don’t want to do, the disappointment of lost games and poor grades, children breaking up with their latest romance…you get the idea. Negative emotions lurk around every corner. So, how can we nurture positive emotions in our family in the midst of life’s struggles?

First, it is important to realize that we do not have to get rid of all the negative emotions in our lives. Negative emotions serve a positive role in our life. Fear protects us. Frustration and anger reveal priorities and then motivate us to invest energy in that priority. We do not want to rid ourselves of all negative emotions. Instead, research suggests that we want to strive to experience three times as many positive emotions and experiences as negative ones. This 3-to-1 ratio broadens our perspective. Having three times as many positive emotions allows us to experience more of the world around us (negative emotions narrow our experience of the world to that one thing triggering the negative emotion). With a broader perspective, we respond more flexibly and creatively to situations that arise. Positive emotions also increase our openness to other peoples’ ideas and experiences.

What does all this mean for our families? When we create a family environment in which positive emotions outnumber negative emotions by 3-to-1, we enhance trust in our family. Trust translates to greater intimacy and closeness. Sharing of ideas, chores, and “things” will increase in an environment filled with positive emotions. Cooperation will increase as well. Doesn’t that sound like a wonderful family environment to live in? Don’t you want to create this positive environment in your home? I know I do. Here are a couple of ways to help create this environment.

  • Replace rigid expectations and goals with an openness to one another’s ideas and changing circumstances. Rigid expectations create fear and resentment. They narrow our focus and blind us to the need of the moment and the people involved. For instance, we easily miss the subtle cues of our child wanting to talk about something troubling them when we rigidly focus on an expected bedtime. Rather than listen, help them resolve whatever is troubling them, and grow closer in the process, our rigid expectations cause us to respond by yelling and accusing them of “never listening.” Give up the rigid expectations and remain open to the need of the moment. Remain flexible enough to make adjustments to an expectation or goal in response to a more important need or priority.
  • Replace jumping to conclusions with curiosity. Rather than assume another family member’s intentions, motives, thoughts, or feelings, ask about them. Let your curiosity lead you to discover hidden treasures in your family members. Ask them about their intentions. Explore their motivations without judgment. Empathize and help them understand their emotions. This curiosity will lead to a greater sense of security in your home. It will increase trust. In the midst of trust and security, it is easier to experience joy and awe. It is also easier to address and resolve disappointments, hurts, and angers in an environment filled with trust and security.

Practicing these two habits will increase the positive emotions in your home and add to your family’s overall sense of happiness. It may take some grace and practice on your part, but you are the best person to initiate filling your home with positive emotions. And, there is no better time than now. So have fun. Get happy.

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Teach Your Children to Excel

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We all want our children to excel. We may want our children to excel in different areas (sports, academics, music, theatre, dance, socialization, etc.), but we all want them to excel. Nobody wants to point out their children and say, “Yes, my children are mediocre at best.” No, we want our children to work hard and find success. We want them to excel. Unfortunately, we often engage in behavior that limits their ability to excel. We increase our demands and expectations, raising our children’s stress level and fear of failure. Instead of excelling, they succumb to the pressure and fall short. They start to resist or even avoid hard work and so miss out on success. As parents we can help build an environment to encourage our children to excel. Here are some ways to do so.

  • Father and son smiling for the cameraMaintain healthy expectations. Do not expect your children to do more than they are developmentally ready to do. Do not expect them perform above their physical capabilities. On the other hand, do not lower your expectations to make it easy for your children. Children need a realistic challenge to work toward in order to excel. Become a student of your children. Create healthy and realistic yet challenging expectations for their lives.
  • Focus on effort. Instill the value of hard work and effort above achievement and performance. If you focus on achievement and “end products,” your children will believe that success result from natural talent alone. They will avoid difficult tasks for fear that failure reflects a lack of natural ability. Instead, attribute success and failure to effort, not ability. Teach your children that effort and hard work lay the groundwork for achievement. When your children learn to value effort and hard work, they can embrace challenges, overcome obstacles, and learn from mistakes…all of which promote your children’s ability to excel.
  • Maintain a loving relationship with your children, but don’t forget to maintain firm limits Don’t be afraid to discipline your children. Teach them to finish what they start and to think about the cost (in terms of time investment, energy, school requirements, and desired downtime) of an activity before starting. Do not step in to fix problems that arise. Encourage your children to seek a solution and to persist in the face of obstacles. Let them put in the effort to work through the difficulty. Then appreciate that effort.
  • Make it part of your family life. Build the area in which you want your children to excel into the fabric of your home. Make the skills applicable to real life. Become a learner in that area yourself. Converse with your children about topics related to that area. Integrate it into your daily life. Enjoy it together. Make it a topic of conversation and interaction. Learn to have fun with it—laughing, playing, competing, debating, etc. Make it fun.
  • Allow your children to be average! Our children will not excel in every facet of life. They are not in our lives to fulfill our dreams. They will find their greatest joy when they find those areas that interest them. They will grow into happy adults as and invest their energy and time in areas fascinating to them. Allow them to do so. You might just discover that they excel in what is truly important in life—kindness, generosity, perseverance, etc.

 

These five actions will open the door for your children to excel. They take time and thought to implement successfully, but your children will benefit from your efforts. You will likely fall short at times…several times if you are like me. We all make mistakes. Take the time to learn from your mistakes and re-open the door. Each time you do, you teach your children important lessons and help them excel in life.

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Set a Goal and Get Happy

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I want my family to live in a happy home. Who am I kidding? I want to live in a happy home! I want to come home to a place filled with happy people. Happy families resolve African American Family Parents and Childrenstress more quickly. They find family time more enjoyable. They laugh more. But, happy families do not just happen in today’s world. No. We have to nurture and grow a happy family. To live in a happy family we have to develop practices that promote happiness (see 10 Habits for a Happy Family). One habit that promotes happiness is to develop goals. My first thought upon hearing “goals” was “Oh great, something else to pressure me.” But, goals do not have burden us. When established wisely, goals motivate us and turn dreams into reality. They help us engage in activities and areas that interest us. Goals provide the opportunity to think about, plan, and pursue what we value and enjoy. Good goals promote a sense of purpose while we work toward achieving them. They bring a sense of accomplishment as we actually complete them. Goals also build confidence in our abilities and excitement for our future plans. All of this leads to greater family happiness. Sounds good doesn’t it? But how can we establish goals to promote family’s happiness? Here are six tips to help you do just that!

  1. Think about what interests your family. Consider what your family values and enjoys. Does your family enjoy music? Make a goal related to music. Does your family enjoy sports, history, comedy, traveling…? Whatever interest your family might have provides wonderful fodder for a great goal.
  2. Consider any areas of family growth your spouse/children might like see. Does your spouse want a more thankful family? Your daughter a family that offers more affirmations and compliments? Then set a goal about gratitude, encouragement, and affirmation. Maybe your son wants a more active family; or you want a family that helps with household tasks more often. Turn these desires into family goals. Following these first two steps will assure that your family finds the family goals meaningful.
  3. Make sure to attach incentives and rewards to your goals. Don’t limit the rewards to money. In fact, financial rewards may be the least effective anyway. The natural results of working on the goals, verbal acknowledgement of effort, and time together will prove much more effective as incentives. For instance, a family movie night (which provides time together and fun) can serve as a reward…pop in a favorite DVD and serve some popcorn at home. Playing a family member’s favorite game also offers a great reward. If you have a family goal of offering more gratitude, the simple act of receiving that gratitude acts as a reward.
  4. Make it fun to work on the goals. Offer encouragement, not criticism. Notice one another’s efforts and progress. You might even have a little competition to add fun and motivation. If your family has a goal to offer more affirmations and compliments, ask your family to determine who offered the highest number of sincere compliments during the week and serve that person’s favorite dish for dinner. You get the idea. Make it fun.
  5. Don’t go overboard. Happy families work toward achievable goals. They do not establish so many goals that family members feel overwhelmed; nor do they make the goals a source of pressure. Instead, happy families make reasonable, age appropriate, realistic goals. If a goal seems too big or creates too much pressure, change it. Break it down into smaller goals or modify it in some way. And remember to give each smaller part of the goal its own set of incentives and rewards.
  6. When you see progress toward a goal or recognize extraordinary effort toward a goal, celebrate. After all, movement toward achieving this goal means your family has grown in an area of interest or value. It means your family has become better at a desired skill. Moving toward achieving a goal means the whole family has put effort into the family and has identified the family as a priority. That deserves celebration!

Following these six tips can help increase your family’s happiness through goal setting. Now let’s get moving. Set a goal and get happy!

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Step Back Momma Bear

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You see your child and another child fighting over a toy. What’s a parent to do?

Your teen daughter comes home talking about an altercation with one of her friends. Should you step in and mediate?

Your son starts off playing with another boy but you see it slowly escalate into aggressive wrestling and even some fighting. Does the parent need to intervene to stop the fighting?

 

Does your “Mamma Bear” or “Papa Wolf” jump up to protect your child in the scenarios brown bear - femaleabove? I can feel my protective tendency rising up. But, let me suggest that sometimes the best approach to such situations involves “nonintervention.” That’s right. Nonintervention is an effective tool to use in parenting. Of course a parent must practice wisdom when using nonintervention. Specifically:

  • A parent needs to know his children well enough to anticipate when and where a conflict may get out of control or become dangerous. We don’t want any child to get hurt. So, plan to step in if you see the potential for someone to get hurt.
  • A parent must remain observant of his children and any conflict that arises so he can assess if and when he does need to step in to mediate. Times will arise when a parent will need to step in to mediate, teach, and facilitate a resolution.
  • A parent also needs to focus on teaching the importance of relationship and the corresponding respect for others. Our children learn this in our daily interactions and conversations with them. They learn it by observing our actions and listening to how we talk to others. When they see us valuing relationships and showing respect to others, they will more likely do the same.
  • A parent must model healthy anger management and conflict resolution skills in relation to their spouse, friends, and children. Once again, children learn the most by watching how we act and what we say in relation to them and others.

 

Keep those four caveats in mind and nonintervention will prove itself a very effective parenting tool. As children work out their own disagreements and conflicts, they will learn how to manage contentious relationships. They will gain the strength to handle quarrels graciously. They will increase their ability to endure in healthy relationships, even in the midst of inevitable conflict. Learning to resolve differences independently will allow children to learn the art of compromise, to seek the greater good of community, and to respect one another in spite of transitory antagonism. Resolving conflict independent of adult intervention teaches our children that relationships can grow stronger through times of strife and disagreement. They will discover that community brings pleasure and pain. Perhaps more important, they will learn that pain, like pleasure, can produce intimacy when managed properly. So, take a step back Momma Bear. Slow down Papa Wolf. Give your kids a little time and space to work things out on their own. You might be pleasantly surprised with their creative resolution and their growing maturity!

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Project Mealtime: A Sacred Expression of Love

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Family having a big dinner at homeFamily meals offer a smorgasbord of benefits for families. For instance, children whose families enjoy regular family meals earn higher grade point averages.  Regular family meals contribute to lower rates of substance abuse, teen pregnancy, and depression in adolescents. Dinner conversations boost vocabulary more than reading. And, stories of personal victories, perseverance, and fun moments shared at dinner build children’s resilience and confidence. In spite of all these benefits, family meals are difficult to arrange. In our fast-paced culture we tend to gorge our families with individual activities and fast food instead of savoring the time invested in a family meal. Perhaps we can copy a recipe from the French when it comes to valuing both food and our families. In How Eskimos Keep Their Babies Warm, Mei Ling Hopgood takes one chapter to describe how the French teach their children to love healthy food.  Let’s chew on three ingredients the French savor when it comes to family meals.

  1. Mealtime is a sacred time, a time set apart from the busy-ness of life. Like all sacred times, the family meal is approached with anticipation. Ingredients are chosen with care and thoughtfully prepared in love. The family takes time to savor the uniqueness of each ingredient as well as the dynamic blend of flavors and aromas they create. With this mindset, the meal becomes a sacred moment which the whole family can admire and share.
  2. Mealtime is an expression of love. Meals allow us to promote our families’ physical health by choosing quality foods and our families’ emotional health in the secure bonding we enjoy over food. As an expression of love, mealtime becomes more than simply filling our bodies with nutrients. It becomes an opportunity to give other family members their favorite foods, to humbly serve one another, and to express gratitude for what we have received. During mealtime, we can offer our children or spouse the first bite and make the small, loving sacrifice of offering the last bite as well.
  3. Mealtimes are family projects. Everyone can pitch in from the very beginning. The whole family can help obtain the foods, whether by carefully choosing and purchasing the food at the grocery store or by growing and picking the food from the garden. The whole family can also participate in cooking the food, preparing the table, and cleaning the dishes. Throughout the process, family members can enjoy conversation and laughter. Most importantly, the whole family can sit down to eat the “fruits of their labor” together, presenting a wonderful opportunity to remember, give thanks, and celebrate the sacred moment of a family meal, prepared and shared in love by the whole family.

 

Enjoy the benefits of the sacred mealtime by joining me in the family mealtime project. As we start the new year, commit to eating at least three meals each week as a family. No TV. No scattering each one to his own room. No cell phones. Just you and your family cooking up the perfect family recipe and enjoying the sacred expression of love we call mealtime. Join me in Project Mealtime: A Sacred Expression of Love.

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The Greatest Christmas Gift You Can Share

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businessman holding giftThe Christmas season has definitely arrived. I see it in the overwhelming traffic. I hear it in Christmas carols ringing in my ears. Amidst the hustle and bustle of Christmas shopping, baking, and decorating, I watch children count down to the “big day.” If you are like me, you love the anticipation of Christmas. Advent Calendars, the “Elf on a Shelf,” and journeying wise men help us build the expectation of Christmas. In the midst of this hustle and bustle, I like to sit down and contemplate the long awaited Christ Child and the new life He brings. It helps raise my own expectation and anticipation of the Christmas season. I am often struck at the contrast between our current Christmas priorities and those of the first Christmas. Maybe you are too. Jesus did not come to earth as one of the economically privileged, a member of the ruling class. Instead, He arrived in poverty, a member of a conquered and oppressed people. He could have entered the world as royalty; but, He came as a Servant.  Rather than setting His Son up in a position of power, God delivered Him to us in a stable, to a family with little resource and no influence. Unlike those of us who live in the “Land of Opportunity,” God did not try to give His Son privilege, prestige, power, or material wealth. Those things did not seem to make it onto God’s priority list for His Son. However, He did give His Son a family. Jesus did not just “pop up” in the desert as a Man with the power and influence to change the world. He arrived as a baby, born into a family, nurtured by a mother who “pondered all these things in her heart” and cherished her Son. He matured under the guidance of an earthly father who was willing to act swiftly to protect his family. Surely the family is one of God’s top priorities—not power, prestige, or material wealth, but family. God, the Father, made the gift of family a priority on that first Christmas day by giving Jesus a loving family to guide Him and nurture Him as He matured. Even more, He gave us Jesus (“unto us a Child is born”), a Brother who willingly gave His life so we might become part of His eternal family! Let’s follow God’s example this Christmas and share the gift of family with our parents, our spouses, our siblings, and our children. No other gift will make Christmas as meaningful as the gift of a loving, intimate family!

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We’re Drowning Our Kids

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A paper published by the Making Caring Common Project reports that 48% of the 10,000 students they surveyed ranked achievement as their top priority, 30% ranked happiness as their top priority, and only 22% ranked caring as their top priority. A full 78% ranked personal achievement or personal happiness above caring! In addition, 60% rescuerthought hard-work more important than kindness. Don’t get me wrong, achievement and hard work are important. But, do we want to raise a generation of people who place achievement and hard work above kindness and caring? Such a generation would agree with this statement taken from the study: “I’m prouder if I get good grades in my classes than if I’m a caring community member in class and school.” Such a generation will exhibit less empathy, less willingness to help a person in need, and more willingness to cheat for the good grade or promotion. Even more disturbing, the youth in this study seemed to “value caring for others less as they aged.” The older the youth, the more likely they were to prioritize personal happiness above caring and achievement.

 

How has this happened? How have we created a generation more invested in personal happiness and achievement than in developing a kind and caring reputation? Parents and teachers want to raise a generation of kind caring youth; but, our message seems to have been lost in translation somehow. Perhaps our messages about happiness and achievement have “drowned out the messages about caring, ethical behavior. Instead of a steady stream of messages promoting kindness and caring, we are drowning our kids under a steady stream of messages promoting personal happiness and personal achievement. At times, we may communicate this message unknowingly or even with good intention. Nonetheless, we still drown out our children’s caring, ethical desires with words and actions like the following:

  • Harassing the sport’s coach to get our children more play time.
  • Campaigning for our children to get a larger role in the school play.
  • Allowing our children to quit a team activity mid-season without considering their obligation to the team or drop out of an activity because they did not get the part they wanted.
  • Not encouraging our children to reach out to the friendless child, the oddball, or the outcast at school.
  • Allowing our children to talk too much, monopolizing conversation with peers and adults.
  • Allowing our children to “fudge” on the community service experiences they list on their college applications.
  • Writing too much of a child’s paper or doing too much of their project.

 

We could add more to the list, but you get the idea. Our actions often communicate a higher priority on achievement and personal happiness and less of a priority on kindness, thinking about the other person, and caring. If we want to raise a generation of caring, ethical youth, we need to “tweak” the messages we communicate. We need to assure our words and actions reveal a priority of kindness and caring. We need to let our children know one reason we work hard is to gain the resources to help others, including them. We need to communicate, through our words and actions, that kindness, not simply achievement, results in happiness and the greatest achievement is found in connecting with others through caring. We need to accept that parenting is a “moral task…” and it is high time we take that task seriously!

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I’m Afraid to Discipline

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I was speaking to a young father about parenting and discipline. He knew his children often misbehaved even when he was present; and, he wanted to learn how to “be a fun guy” while remaining an authority. As we spoke, he made a telling statement. “I have a Disobedient boyproblem being stern,” he said.

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I guess I’m afraid my kids will get mad and not like me anymore. They need my love more than my discipline anyway, right?”

 

This young father verbalized something many parents believe and feel but fear to say. Discipline is hard work. It takes effort. It can easily arouse our fears and insecurities. Here are a couple of fears we might experience as we discipline our children.

  • The fear that our children will get mad at us and, as a result of that anger, our relationship with them will somehow be damaged.
  • The fear that our children will rebel even more because we have set a firm limit on certain behaviors.
  • The fear that our children will no longer like us and we will “lose them.”
  • The fear that our children will not recognize how much we love them.
  • The fear of experiencing our own emotional pain when we witness our children in distress and discomfort, even if discipline is deserved.

 

If we allow these fears to control our parenting, we have abdicated our parental authority and influence. We have relinquished our authority to guide our children. We have renounced our influence to help our children learn what is right and wrong. We have abandoned our children to make life decisions for which they lack sufficient experience and knowledge. We vacated our role as an authority to constrain their dangerous behaviors and protect them from negative influences. We have lost the opportunity to help our children struggle with life values and beliefs. We have surrendered, bailed out, left our children high and dry with little to no protection or guidance.  Our children will ultimately realize that vacuum that we have left unfilled and seek out a way to fill it with the opinions and beliefs of peers, other adults who may hold different values than we do, or misguided behaviors that will make them feel accepted by someone. Ultimately, they recognize our fear to discipline as a lack of love.

 

A loving parent does discipline. Loving parents risk their children’s anger and endure personal discomfort in order to guide them toward values that can create a healthy and happy future. When you think about it, really good parents love their children too much to not offer stern discipline when necessary. After all,…

  • Stern discipline is one part of our expression of love.
  • Stern discipline protects our children and teaches them to protect themselves.
  • Stern discipline helps our children determine and internalize personal values and beliefs that can bring true happiness. We, as parents, become the sounding board, the “other side of the debate,” during their internal struggle to determine personal values and beliefs.
  • Stern discipline strengthens our relationship with our children. It allows them to see us as authentic people of integrity. They will observe our struggle to discipline while we continue to stand for what we believe is right behavior and interactions. And, our children will respect us for that.

 

Without stern discipline, I am afraid our children will wander down the path to self-destruction, addiction, disrespect, and arrogant opposition to authority. Of course stern discipline must be balanced with love and acceptance, listening and understanding, grace and respect. Nonetheless, without stern discipline, our love has fallen short…and the consequences are dire.

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