Tag Archive for holiday

The Best Valentine’s Gift Ever

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Valentine’s Day approaches and couples everywhere busily search for the perfect gift. Perhaps you have considered jewelry, hotel getaways, singing cards, romantic dinners, or funny knick knacks to make your spouse laugh. Let me suggest that you give the best Valentine’s gift ever. (Don’t worry; no pressure.) Although this sounds like a bold statement, I believe you truly can give the best Valentine’s gift ever. It will not cost you much financially, but it will save you tens of thousands of dollars. More importantly, it will bring you more long-term joy than you can imagine. What is the best Valentine’s gift ever? A “3-step promise of commitment.” “What? Wait a second. My wife knows I’m committed. She will not thrill at the promise of commitment.” I think she will (and for you women, so will he). Read through the “3-step promise of commitment” and judge for yourself.
  •  Step One: Write a certificate of commitment to your spouse. You most likely made vows of commitment during your wedding ceremony. That’s OK. For Valentine’s Day, rewrite those vows (even add to them) based on the experience and knowledge you have gained during your time married. Recommit to “stick with your spouse” through thick and thin, health and sickness, aging bodies, aging minds, good times and bad, joyous occasions and times of deep sorrow, times of complete agreement and times of passionate disagreement, times of great gain and times of painful loss. Put it in writing—not long, no more than the front side of one page. Make it neat and official-looking. Laminate it and read it to your spouse over dinner…maybe even in front of your kids, extended family, or friends. Let everyone know that you remain committed to your spouse and are determined to maintain that commitment for the rest of your life.
  • Step Two: Commit to build intimacy by having no less than 20-30 minutes of meaningful conversation a day with your spouse. The average married couple in the US only spends 4 minutes a day in meaningful conversation. Commit to change this in your marriage. Commit to build intimacy through meaningful conversation. You can meet over a cup of coffee, breakfast, or while taking a walk. Talk about the news, daily activities, movies, books, spiritual insights gained, or interactions you had with someone while away from your spouse. Go even deeper by discussing the emotions, good and bad, that these experiences aroused in you. Converse like you did while dating by 1-remaining curious about what your spouse is thinking and feeling and 2-accepting your spouse’s ideas and opinions as important and valid. This daily commitment will lead to deeper intimacy with your spouse.
  • Step Three: Commit to meeting your spouse’s needs and desires on a daily basis. Make meeting your spouse’s needs and desire a top priority in your life. Remember what excites your spouse, the little things that interest her, the love language that speaks to her most profoundly, and the nuanced vulnerabilities that you can protect. Commit to keeping your spouse foremost in your heart and mind, number one in your life. This may mean doing little things like the dishes now and again or big things like coming home from work early on a regular basis.
“Wait a minute. This gift is not worth anything!” Actually, considering the average financial cost of divorce, this gift is worth at least $20,000. That figure does not even come close to the value of emotional intimacy you and your spouse will gain. It does not even touch the value of watching your children blossom in response to the “3-step promise of commitment” you share with their other parent. And, if you don’t mind me saying, the “3-step promise of commitment” will have a profound (and pleasurable) impact on the passion and physical intimacy in your marriage. After all, studies suggest that long-term married couples have the most satisfying sex life…they know one another, they know what makes the other person happy, and they are committed to satisfying and pleasing their spouse. Just imagine: dinner and a night in a hotel-$200; a 1/4 CT TW diamond necklace-$750, a “3-step promise of commitment”-priceless…and growing more valuable every day you practice it. Really, the “3-step promise of commitment” is the best Valentine’s gift ever!
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7 Valentine’s Day Ideas for Family

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Valentine’s Day is only two weeks away, time to come up with a romantic idea or two. You might also think of a creative way to celebrate Valentine’s Day as a family…after all, you love each person in your family. Why not celebrate love with everyone in your family? In case you haven’t made any plans yet, here are a couple ideas to get your creative juices flowing.
     ·         Send cards or flowers to everyone in your family. Mail them or use email cards. Put a card and a flower on the table for them to find at breakfast. Have a bouquet of flowers sent to them at home or work. Don’t forget to include a simple note in the card or with the flowers.
     ·         Maybe your family would enjoy a fruit, cookie, or balloon bouquet more than flowers. If so, have it delivered to your home and then take the time to sit down as a family to enjoy the love…along with a cookie, piece of fruit, or a quick game of balloon volleyball.
     ·         Write each member of your family a love letter. It may seem odd to write a love letter to your son or daughter, so maybe call it a letter of blessing instead.  Either way, take the time to write them a lesson expressing your love. Here’s how: For each family member, think of 2-3 traits or characteristics you admire and appreciate about them. Write them down along with 1-2 incidents that exemplify those traits. Keep it short, no longer than the front of one page. During dinner, read each letter out loud. Perhaps you can write a more intimate letter for your spouse and save it for later…when you’re alone.
     ·         Develop a treasure hunt. Write notes that explain how you feel about each family member (your treasure). Each note can include how you feel about your family followed by a hint or riddle about where to find the next note. You might write something like, “I love to play board games with each of you, which provides a hint as to where you’ll find the next note.” Have the last note lead to the dinner table where you can enjoy a meal, conversation, and dessert. Make the dinner special…candlelight, soft music, and everyone’s favorite dessert.
     ·         Everyone loves a good story, especially stories remembering times of love and connection. And, children love to hear stories about their parents’ lives. So, today at dinner, enjoy telling the story of “how I met your mother.” Tell stories about how you met your spouse and the fun times you had together. Tell the story of your life together right up to the stories that include your children and the fun you have as a family. It will become a family story fest recalling your family heritage.
     ·         Prepare a Valentine’s Day breakfast. Include heart-shaped pancakes, a candy heart message on every plate, and chocolate kisses for dessert. Not a morning person? No problem, have breakfast for lunch or dinner.
     ·         Spend the evening making a family storybook. Cut out construction paper hearts and connect them on one side. Collect pictures of you and your spouse, your children, your family, your vacations, special events, prom dates, etc. Collect as many pictures as you like. Spend the evening going through the pictures and gluing them into your family storybook. It will be your own fairy tale (or fish story in the case of the Salmon family).
 
Whatever you decide to do, remember to have fun. Enjoy one another’s company and celebrate your family on Valentine’s Day.
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Promoting Greatness in the Family

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Today is Martin Luther King Day. I love so much of what Martin Luther King said. I read this quote from MLK on the MLK Day of Service website: “Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, ‘What are you doing for others?'” What a tremendous question. What are you doing for others? What are you doing for those in your family? What are you doing for those outside your family?
 
Today is the MLK Day of Service, the “only federal holiday observed as a national day of service- a ‘day on, not a day off.'” It offers people from all walks of life to “answer Dr. King’s challenge to do something for others” (Click here for more info). 
 
This would be a good day to find a way to serve others as a family. After all, where do people learn to serve? In the home. Loving families encourage helping one another and nurture service to those in the home and those in the community. Families that serve together find a level of happiness and intimacy that cannot be found when everyone looks out for themselves. It is in service that we find lasting happiness. Moreover, families promote true greatness when parents model and encourage service. After all, “whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant” (Jesus Christ); and, “everybody can be great because everybody can serve” (Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.). Greatness comes through service…and, everybody can serve. We can teach our children to serve at any age; and, in doing so, we promote greatness in their character. So, what will you do for the MLK Day of Service? How will you promote greatness in your family? Here are a few ideas:
     ·         Do a chore for another family member.
     ·         Offer to do some work for a neighbor.
     ·         Volunteer at a place like the Ronald McDonald House, Kane Hospital, or a local nursing home.
     ·         Volunteer to clean the house for a shut-in who is known at your church.
     ·         Bake cookies and deliver them to the nurses at a local hospital.
     ·         Take a walk through your neighborhood and pick up litter.
     ·         Shovel the driveway for an elderly person in your neighborhood.
     ·         Share your ideas in the comment section below.
 
Enjoy your call to greatness as you serve one another. Please share your additional ideas, thoughts, and experiences in the comment section below.
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Christmas, Materialism, and Family

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With Christmas just around the corner, a recent study suggests that materialistic attitudes reduce happiness in marriage. With a plethora of advertisers spouting the “one with the most toys wins,” this study suggests the opposite. The researchers looked at over 1,700 couples and discovered that a focus on getting or spending money was associated with lower levels of responsiveness between spouses, less emotional maturity, more ineffective communication, higher levels of conflict, lower relationship satisfaction, and less marital stability. Perhaps, this focus on “material things” resulted in over-working in an effort to gain the “needed money;” and overworking led to less time with family and less opportunity to develop family relationships. Perhaps the focus on material things stemmed from a self-focus instead of a relational focus. Either way, a focus on monetary gain did not promote happiness and it interfered with family intimacy. This study brings to mind the wisdom of one ancient author who wrote, “The love of money is the root of all evil.”
 
Today we stand at the brink of Christmas—a time when commercials and advertisements cater to our materialistic desires. Get her a diamond. Buy him a car. Satisfy your child’s need with an Ipad (by the way, how young is too young for an Ipad?). Buy this or buy that to find happiness. The American Research Group suggests that the average amount of money spent on Christmas gifts by any one person will range between $646-808 this year, depending on how the buyer purchases their gifts. We say “it’s the thought that counts” but obsessively assess each gift, hoping the receiver will be completely satisfied. In spite of all this effort and money, those receiving a gift from us are often disappointed; and, “according to the Direct Marketing Association, 65% of the population will be standing in line” to return their gift after the holidays.
 
All this focus on “what I’ll get for Christmas” can contribute to family disaster at Christmas time. What can a family do to avoid the materialistic, commercial side of Christmas? Here are a few ideas.
  • Focus on the more meaningful aspects of Christmas–family togetherness, generosity in giving, love, and caring.  
  • Watch Christmas movies and TV specials that focus on the meaning of Christmas. Sit down as a family and watch a few movies like How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Santa Clause, and of course, The Charlie Brown Christmas Attend a Christmas Eve service together.
  • Encourage family members to make a “Christmas Giveaway List” along with their “Christmas Wish List.” The “Christmas Giveaway List” can focus on all the gifts you plan to give away.
  • While you’re at it, go through all of your old toys and clothes. Pick out the ones you no longer use and take them to the Salvation Army or give them to a less fortunate family.
  • Each night, take five minutes with your family to write down 3-5 things for which you give thanks. Write something different each night for the month of December and January.
  • Send “thank-you notes” after Christmas. In fact, send thank-you notes throughout the year. You can thank people for a gift they gave you, for their service in some area, for a trait you simply admire in them, or any number of other things. Acknowledging our thanks is a wonderful habit to establish.
 Above all, remember the gift of Emmanuel this Christmas. Contemplate what the gift of God’s Son really means in your individual life and your family life.

Don’t let a materialistic attitude grow in your family through the Christmas season. Instead, cultivate an attitude of generosity and family intimacy. Focus on the true meaning of Christmas as told by Linus in Charlie Brown’s Christmas.

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Christmas Gifts Kids Will Love All Year Long

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I’ve been thinking about what to get my children for Christmas. As I thought, my mind wandered to last year. My daughter snuck downstairs after everyone was in bed and gave me a stocking gift. The gift was a handmade coupon book filled with coupons I could “cash in” for help “taking the garbage out,” no questions asked.  I really appreciated that gift. It was thoughtful and loving, gracious…and useful. My mind wandered from there to the wise men giving three gifts to baby Jesus. I guess that’s more of a time warp than a wandering, but…. Anyway, recalling these two stories gave me an idea for this year. I want to give my daughters a gift they will remember, one that “keeps on giving throughout the year.” And, I always wanted to play a wise man. So, just like the wise men I’ve come up with three gifts: the gift of time, the gift of attention, and the gift of encouragement. You might be saying, “Nice gifts, but how will I wrap those up and put them under the Christmas tree?” Good question; and, I do have a few ideas to share with you. First though, let me tell you why those 3 gifts are great gifts: thoughtful and loving, gracious…and useful.
 
The Gift of Time: We spend time with the people we value. In fact, Josh McDowell notes that children spell love “T-I-M-E.” I value my children and I want them to know I value them. The best way to communicate that value is by spending time with them. So, I give the gift of T-I-M-E.
 
The Gift of Attention: Genuine attention validates our love for another person. In addition, a person who receives genuine attention is redeemed from isolation and loneliness. They know they are loved. They find connection and belonging in the face of genuine attention. So, I give the gift of attention.
 
The Gift of Encouragement: Encouragement inspires confidence and courage. It gives a person who is feeling down a boost. It expresses confidence in the other person that inspires them to continue growing and gives them to courage to grow. I don’t know about you, but I want my children to have a level of confidence and courage that will inspire them to pursue growth. So, I give the gift of encouragement.
 
So, three gifts (3-just like the wise men): Time, Attention, and Encouragement. But, how are we to wrap these gifts and put them in a stocking or under the Christmas tree? Here are a few ideas.
  • Subscribe to a magazine that will interest your child. You can order children’s magazines ranging from Ranger Rick to Kid’s National Geographic to Highlights. Each month they will receive your gift. Each month, you can review the magazine yourself and use the articles as starting points of discussion with your child…time, attention, and encouragement.
  • If you don’t like a magazine, try joining a “you-fill-in-the-blank” of the month club. These range from craft-of-the-month to children’s-book-of-the-month to the Lego club. If you can’t find the club you want, make your own. For instance, imagine that your child enjoys marbles and you can’t find a “marble-of-the-month-club.” Start your own. Purchase a variety of marbles…maybe 60. Wrap up a dozen to give your child on Christmas morning. Enclose a note explaining that they will get an additional 4 marbles every month. Each month, wrap up 4 marbles and give them the package to open. Now, spend time with your child playing marble games or discussing the quality of the marbles. You get to spend time with your child, give them your attention, and encourage an interest. Here are a few other links for possible monthly ideas.
  • Make a homemade coupon book that includes 12 coupons expiring on December 31, 2012. Explain that the coupon is good for a free-chore pass–you will do a chore of their request “no questions asked.” You can encourage your child by modeling a “servant’s heart” as you complete one of their chores once a month at their request.
  • Purchase tickets (at least one for your child and one for you) to an event that will interest your child (a concert, a play, etc.). Along with the tickets, provide a coupon book with 12 more coupons (one per month) that they can cash in for a simple outing with you. The coupons could include an outing for breakfast at a donut shop, lunch at a restaurant, or an outing of their choice. Now you have a monthly opportunity to spend time giving attention and encouragement to your child.
  • Give your child homemade tickets for a “Monthly Home Movie Night” complete with microwave popcorn for the whole family. Spend time discussing what movie they would like to rent and set up one night a month to sit down as a family to enjoy the movies.
  • Schedule a daily reminder on your smartphone that prompts you to give time and attention to your child by doing something encouraging for them. When you get the reminder, do something as simple as sending them a text stating that you are thinking of them, you love them, or you look forward to seeing them after school. Or, if you happen to be in a grocery store, purchase a pack of gum or a candy bar for them. Or, you might pause long enough to offer a prayer for them. Whatever you do, letting them know you think of them throughout the day will encourage them.

6 ideas to wrap up the gift of Time, Attention, and Encouragement for your child…and, at the same time, enjoy your child all year long! Merry Christmas!!

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What the Manger Teaches Me About Family

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Every Christmas we arrange a manger scene in our house. A few shepherds, three “wise men from afar,” and an angel or two all look adoringly toward the baby Jesus in a manger. Of course, we also have a few barn animals milling about. In the midst of the hustle and bustle of Christmas, this simple scene reminds us of the Christmas story, taking us back to the first Christmas day when Christ was born in Bethlehem. One of the things I like most about the manger scene is that a family sits at the center of it all. Of course, the baby Jesus is the ultimate center, but even He is surrounded by His earthly family. The whole world—from the wealthy wise men and the poor shepherds to the heavenly angels–drew near to admire a baby surrounded by family. Amazingly, they all drew near to admire a baby in the midst of a town so crowded and chaotic that the only place for a pregnant woman to deliver her baby was in a barn. Can you imagine the crowd that must have filled Bethlehem, the greed that turned a woman-in-labor away from a warm bed and clean dwelling? Yet in the midst of that rushing crowd, the greedy market, and the tired travelers, a family drew near to one another, cared for one another, and loved one another…extravagantly. That’s the first lesson I learn about family from the manger scene: make time for family. Put aside all the trappings of Christmas–the excessive material gifts, the unrestrained shopping, the Griswold-style decorations, the greedy desires, and the bigger than life Christmas tree–and make time to share with your family, time to build one another up and time to love one another extravagantly…just as God loved us by sending Emmanuel to earth.
 
The manger also teaches us that Christmas is a time to slow down and treasure your family, ponder your family memories. In the midst of the shepherds, wise men, and animals, usually kneeling next to Joseph and gazing at the baby Jesus, we find Mary. Mary does something that I believe so crucial to the Christmas season: she “treasures all these things and ponders them.” As angels sing in the heavens, shepherds rush through town to find a baby wrapped in swaddling clothes, strangers fight for hotel rooms and their place in line, and parents grumble about spending the night in the crowded town of Bethlehem, Mary quietly treasured her newborn baby. She listened to the shepherd’s story and the angel’s prophecies about her child and “pondered them in her heart.” She took time to “treasure” and “ponder” her family, to cherish her family and keep them in her heart and mind. Christmas is a time to slow down and treasure your family, ponder your family memories.
 
Events leading up the manger scene teach us to give family members the benefit of the doubt as well. Joseph had a hard time during Mary’s pregnancy. After all, he thought Mary had fooled around on him and gotten pregnant by another man. He loved Mary, but how could he marry her now? He decided to quietly end the engagement and move on. One night an angel appeared to him and explained the situation. The angel told Joseph that Mary had been faithful to him and that the baby “conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit.” Joseph had difficulty believing Mary…understandable. But, God cleared the air and confirmed the truth. Joseph obeyed what the “angel of the Lord had commanded him” and married Mary. This is an extreme case, but it teaches us of the need to give family members the benefit of the doubt. We think the best of those we love and we give them the benefit of the doubt. In the midst of the rush of Christmas, give family members the benefit of the doubt. When someone blows up in frustration or says something with a sharp edge, give the benefit of the doubt…think the best of them.
 
The manger shouts for us to make sacrifices for our family. Mary, mistakenly thought to be a teen mother out of wedlock, sacrificed a “holy reputation” to trust God in starting her family. Joseph, a man whose friends may have mistakenly believed he married a cheating woman, sacrificed his reputation to marry and start a family. They both sacrificed their homeland to move their family to Egypt and escape Herod’s wrath. Perhaps the greatest sacrifice of all was made by God, who gave up his “only begotten Son” to make a world of lost people His adopted children. Christmas is brimming with sacrifice that leads to greater happiness and stronger family ties. This Christmas, follow the lesson of the manger: put your family’s needs above your own and make the sacrifices necessary to promote your family’s health.
 
One final lesson of Christmas: seek the Christ child. The angels sang of His birth. The shepherds rushed through Bethlehem to worship Him. Wise men traveled great distances to bring Him gifts. Simeon blessed Him. The widow gave thanks for Him in the temple. Each and every one heard of his miraculous birth and the promise of redemption. Each one came to see and worship Emmanuel–God with us. When we get right to the crux of it, isn’t that what Christmas is all about? The fact that God became man and dwelt among men, Emmanuel, God with us! This Christmas, join with the whole heavenly family and seek the Christ child.
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Making Christmas Great for the Whole Family

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Christmas time can pull a family together or tear them apart. It can draw family ties tighter or drive a wedge deeper between family members. Christmas brings great joy or deep sorrow. What makes the difference?
 
Is it the number of gifts under the tree? No, that leads to competition (“He got more than me!”), entitlement (“I should have gotten that. I’m more…”), or even disappointment (“I didn’t get everything I wanted.” “This was the wrong one.”). Even the Grinch “puzzled ’til his puzzler was sore:” “What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store? What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more” (Dr. Seuss).
 
Maybe the amount of money we spend…the more money, the more joy. No, the more money we spend the deeper the post-holiday financial slump we endure. In fact, if Christmas joy came from money we might be tempted to agree with Ebenezer Scrooge: “What’s Christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money; a time for finding yourself a year older, but not an hour richer.” Check out this video by Advent Christmas regarding the idea of money and the meaning of Christmas.
 
Maybe it’s the decorations. Like the Griswold family you can spend time and energy, even days getting a plethora of lights to shine forth the Christmas spirit. However, if all you care about are the decorations, you may end agreeing with Ellen Griswold when she said, “I don’t know what to say, except it’s Christmas and we’re all in misery.”
 
If these don’t make the difference, then what does make Christmas a time of family togetherness, a time of deepening intimacy and mutual joy? Family and the traditions they share. Traditions help families and children in many ways. Consider just a few:
  • Family members bond over the shared experiences and beliefs that are inherent in traditions, helping our children build a healthy identity.
  • Family traditions create a family story that we can pass down through generations, giving continuity to our sense of family and stability to our children.
  • Family intimacy deepens as each person contributes to the development and completion of a family tradition. Children feel intimately involved, loved, and valued as they contribute to the shared experience of family traditions.
  • The shared traditions of Christmas add joy and celebration to the holiday. They help to create family identity that strengthens and maintains a sense of security in our children.
In light of family traditions, decorating a Christmas tree becomes a time of celebration, joy, and laughter. Arranging a manger scene provides the opportunity to share a family belief in the incarnation of God. As we share gifts with each family member, we communicate a mutual adoration and generosity for one another. Opening a present on Christmas Eve offers the opportunity to build anticipation. Attending Christmas Eve services reminds us of God’s love given through the gift of Emmanuel. Each tradition your family enjoys builds intimacy, strengthens family identity, enhances family celebration, and creates joyous moments to recall throughout the year and even into future generations. Yes, “the best of all gifts around any Christmas tree [is] the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other” (Burton Hillis). And a wonderful way to wrap up a family is in a lovely tradition.
 
What traditions does your family enjoy at Christmas time?
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The Family Thanksgiving Extension Plan

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I love Thanksgiving. I love the food, the taste of apple pie, the joy of family togetherness, and the intentional sharing of gratitude. I think Abraham Lincoln had a great idea when he established Thanksgiving as a national holiday. In fact, I wish we could celebrate Thanksgiving more often. Wait a minute…why should we stop after just one day of Thanksgiving anyway. Why not make it last all the way to Christmas? That sounds like a good idea. Well, maybe not all the food (I’d really gain holiday weight then); but we could enjoy family togetherness and intentional gratitude for the whole month…all the way up to Christmas. I am going to make Thanksgiving last longer this year. But, how can I do it? I have an idea. Here’s my plan:
 
·         First, I will get a piece of paper for each family member.
·         Second, each day I will write down 3 things that I can thank each individual for. I can write down thanks for something they do, something they say, some personality trait I admire, or even something I neglected to thank them for earlier. I plan to keep a distinct list of thanks for each individual family member.
·         Of the three thanks I write down, I will pick at least one to tell them about. So, each day, I will give each family member at least one word of thanks…face to face, not by text or email or Facebook.
·         On Christmas, I will put my list for each individual family member into a card, write a note telling them how thankful I am to have them in my life, and put it under the Christmas tree for them.
 

Yes, Thanksgiving will last longer than a mere day in my life this year. How about you? Will you join me in stretching Thanksgiving all the way to Christmas? Please do…join the Thanksgiving Extension Plan. Who knows, maybe we’ll make Thanksgiving a way of life!

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Freedom & Family

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Happy Fourth of July! Today we celebrate the adoption of the Declaration of Independence, a step toward a free and independent United States. What does family have to do with the Fourth of July? For one thing, we celebrate the Fourth of July with our families.   Secondly, and perhaps of greater importance, family lays the foundation, creates the stability, and perpetuates the freedom and independence of our country…in any country really. People have known this truth in our country since the signing of the Declaration of Independence and represent such diverse times as…
…Elias Boudinot (a President of the Continental Congress) who noted that “Good government generally begins in the family, and if the moral character of a people once degenerate, their political character must soon follow”
… to EH Chapin (a preacher alive from 1814-1880) who realized “break up the institution of family, deny the inviolability of its relations, and in a little while there would not be any humanity”
…to Charles Franklin Thwing (a clergyman and president of Adelbert College and Western Reserve University alive between 1853-1937) who proclaimed that “Under any system of society…the family holds the future in its bosom”
… to Pope John Paul II who, in 1986, stated that “As the family goes, so goes the nation and so goes the whole world in which we live”
…to Barbara Bush (First Lady of the United States from 1989-1993) who said, “Your success as a family, our success as a society, depends not on what happens at the White House, but what happens inside your house.”
 
Even those who held less esteemed views of the family knew that family undergirds any society. Lenin (living from 1870-1924) is known to have said, “Destroy the family, you destroy the country.”
 
Why do such diverse people note the importance of family to our society and our country? Because…
Family provides the training ground for moral character. Successful families honor moral character above personal comfort and material possession. Parents model moral character for their children. All family members encourage one another to stand for what is right. Families teach us to act in kindness and fairness, and to make personal sacrifice for the welfare of one another. It is in families that we learn moral behavior contributes to a happy, successful life.
Family teaches us of loyalty and faithfulness. Family members teach the importance of faithfulness when they keep promises made to one another. They show the importance of loyalty as they support one another in the face of difficulties, protect one another in spite of personal danger, and encourage one another in the face of disappointments. They show tolerance and work cooperatively to strengthen the family even in the midst of disagreements. Families elicit and teach that loyalty brings stability. They show that peace and trust extend from faithfulness.  
Family models that freedom is not unrestrained but accompanied by personal responsibility. The price of freedom is costly. Parents have the personal responsibility to work so they can support their family and maintain a home. Children learn the personal responsibility to complete chores, doing their part to maintain the household. When everyone in the family does their part in keeping the household running smoothly, the family is free to engage in fun activities and experience times of relaxation. However, if even one member of the family does not “pull their weight,” opportunities diminish and the whole family becomes overwhelmed with stress. The family teaches that “doing my own thing” results in others being hurt and the family unit becoming strained. Discipline soon follows such situations. So, family members learn that freedom is not unrestrained, but contingent on personal responsibility. 
Family also becomes the training ground for compassion toward others. Not only does family teach personal responsibility, but they teach us compassion for those in need. Successful families treat each family member with kindness and grace, coming to one another’s aid when a need arises. They reach out, as a family, to those in need and experience the joy of helping others. When one family member mourns, the whole family mourns with him. When one family member rejoices, the whole family rejoices. In compassion, each member of the family reaches out to encourage and lift up those family members struggling with any hardship or difficulty.
 
Overall, families are the backbone of a free and independent society. Without healthy families, society will lose its most important teacher and training ground…the foundation of freedom will crumble. Without strong families, our individuals will become more self-absorbed, self-centered, and self-serving. The accurate perception of responsibility, loyalty, faithfulness, moral character, and compassion will be lost. So, celebrate our independence with your family. Teach your children patriotism and loyalty. After all, the strength of our country and the perpetuation of our freedom and independence rest on the shoulders of strong families.
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Lets Hear It For Dad!

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If you were to judge fatherhood by watching sitcoms, you might think fathers are easily replaced. Sitcoms present fathers as having a self-absorbed teenage mentality of fun and games, unable to make a mature choice for their family. They are “bumbling ninnies” acquiescing to their wives because they have no idea how to help their family, men who embarrass their children and frustrate their wives. However, research paints a very different picture of fathers, one that reveals the positive contributions that fathers make to family life. Let me share just a few highlights.
·         Fathers provide confidence. When fathers remain actively involved in family life, especially with their children, they provide a mother with greater confidence in her ability to parent. That’s right, rather than leading to frustrated mothers, hands-on fathers contribute to a mother’s confidence in her own ability to parent. Fathers not only contribute to a mother’s confidence, they contribute to their children’s confidence as well. Fathers provide children with the confidence to step out into the world away from home–the world of work, social interaction, and school. Children who have the support of an active father respond more confidently to complex, novel situations and exhibit more confidence in exploring the world beyond their immediate home.
·         Fathers are playful adventurers who provide hands-on, rough and tumble play. They playfully wrestle, tickle, run, throw, and push their children in a very different way than a mother. They teach their children a playful curiosity as they talk about those topics mom would rather not hear. In the midst of this play, fathers teach their children self-control. They teach them to calm upsetting emotions and manage anger in constructive ways. They teach them that losing and winning demand decorum and sportsmanship. This self-control extends from play to life as fathers encourage their children to stretch their limits by engaging in activities outside of their comfort zone. They support their children in these endeavors. Each time their child accomplishes some difficult task, a father proudly acknowledges the accomplishment. The playful adventurer in each father teaches their child self-control that leads to less impulsivity and greater empathy for others. Father’s also provide playful adventures that lead to a child’s willingness to try new things, better tolerate stress and frustration, and exhibit greater resilience in stressful situations.
·         Fathers are problem-solvers as well. Let’s face it—men like solutions. They teach those problem-solving skills to their children. Father’s encourage children to persist in the face of difficulties, finding solutions and answers. They support their children in seeking solutions to problems. This can lead to better attitudes about school, stronger educational achievement, and greater career success as well as a better ability to tolerate stress and frustration.
·         Fathers provide loving limits. Loving limits provide a sense of security in a child’s life. Loving limits provide a child with a sense of security. Children who have a father that maintains loving limits develop greater empathy for others. They also learn how to assert themselves in a healthy way. Loving limits eventually become internalized to provide a sense of personal control that allows for responsible action. A father’s loving limits provides a child with security, personal control, empathy, and a healthy sense of personal boundaries.  
 
Sitcoms may portray fathers as “bumbling ninnies,” but life calls fathers to become supportive, playful adventurers who provide loving limits, security, and problem-solving skills. Fathers are not a simple accessory that is nice to have; they are an asset…a necessity. Every child deserves one…every child needs one. So, let’s hear it for Dad!
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