“Ho, Ho, Ho! ‘Tis the season” for giving gifts…and that means shopping. Shopping is work (for me anyway)! But, shopping also provides an opportunity to raise 
children with character, children who feel competent. Have you ever thought about what goes in to getting someone a really good gift? First, we have to think like they do: What kind of gift would they like? What gift would bring them joy? To answer these questions, we have to step into the other person’s shoes, see their life through their eyes, and accept their view of the world. In other words, we have to have empathy with the other person…a good character trait to develop. Second, we have to have a desire to be generous or gracious toward the other person. We have to desire to give them a gift with no strings attached and no expectation of repayment…otherwise it just isn’t a gift. Christmas shopping offers a great opportunity to teach our children about generosity and grace, especially the grace of God in giving us His Son to pay the price for our sin. That sets a pretty high bar on generosity, doesn’t it? Third (and on a much less taxing level perhaps), we have to use good math skills. We want to show generosity and grace, but we do not want to go bankrupt. We want to wisely balance our generosity with our actual ability. Math skills become important for wisely showing grace while remaining in our budget. Overall, Christmas shopping offers a great opportunity to raise children competent in perspective taking and empathy, budgeting skills, and generosity. What can you do to help this process? I’m glad you asked….Here are a two specific ways you can use shopping to build competence in your children:
children with character, children who feel competent. Have you ever thought about what goes in to getting someone a really good gift? First, we have to think like they do: What kind of gift would they like? What gift would bring them joy? To answer these questions, we have to step into the other person’s shoes, see their life through their eyes, and accept their view of the world. In other words, we have to have empathy with the other person…a good character trait to develop. Second, we have to have a desire to be generous or gracious toward the other person. We have to desire to give them a gift with no strings attached and no expectation of repayment…otherwise it just isn’t a gift. Christmas shopping offers a great opportunity to teach our children about generosity and grace, especially the grace of God in giving us His Son to pay the price for our sin. That sets a pretty high bar on generosity, doesn’t it? Third (and on a much less taxing level perhaps), we have to use good math skills. We want to show generosity and grace, but we do not want to go bankrupt. We want to wisely balance our generosity with our actual ability. Math skills become important for wisely showing grace while remaining in our budget. Overall, Christmas shopping offers a great opportunity to raise children competent in perspective taking and empathy, budgeting skills, and generosity. What can you do to help this process? I’m glad you asked….Here are a two specific ways you can use shopping to build competence in your children: · Get out of the way and let your children decide on the gift they want to give. You can brainstorm with them and discuss ideas, but let them decide. Show them that you trust their ideas and wisdom. While you brainstorm, listen. Listen to learn how your child thinks. Ask them why they are thinking
about a particular gift. Have they heard Mommy talk about wanting that? Do they notice Daddy using something similar or wearing something similar? What lead them to think their friend might like this particular gift. Not only do you learn about your children’s thought patterns, you also help them learn perspective taking through this conversation.
about a particular gift. Have they heard Mommy talk about wanting that? Do they notice Daddy using something similar or wearing something similar? What lead them to think their friend might like this particular gift. Not only do you learn about your children’s thought patterns, you also help them learn perspective taking through this conversation. · Let your children contribute to the gift. I realize that many children do not have money to buy gifts, but let them make some kind of contribution. This contribution does not have to be in the form of money. Their contribution may include wrapping the present (this may not be pretty, depending on their age…although my family says my wrapping is still not pretty—unique, but not pretty). Or, let them hand the money to the cashier when purchasing the gift, hide the gift somewhere at home until it’s time to put it under the tree, or put it in their special place under the tree at the right time. As our children get older, they can even contribute financially to the gift. Whatever their contribution, let them do it. Do not step in to fix it or tweak it. If their “wrap job” does not look neat, let it go. Acknowledge and appreciate their contribution and their effort. Do not step in to make it neater. Instead, communicate your trust and confidence in their ability by letting them finish the task, in their way and at their speed. And, if they have an idea about the gift or their contribution to the gift, listen and discuss that idea. If at all possible, utilize their idea. Be excited with them for their idea and “brag on” that idea to reveal their involvement in the whole gift-giving process. After all, their idea expresses their love and generosity. Share in that love and generosity with your own excitement.
Two simple ways to use Christmas gift shopping to increase competence in your children…and have fun at the same time! Merry Christmas!
are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next, as a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the heavens. And I recommend to them that while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings, they do also, with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience, commend to his tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners, or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty Hand to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquility, and Union.”
Thanksgiving. Really, healthy families enjoy giving and sharing thanks every day, all year round. In fact, doing so will bring greater happiness to our lives and our family’s lives. At any rate, this week is Thanksgiving week and I wanted to share nine things I am thankful for in my family.
chip cookies. Those cookies taste best when fresh out of the oven, warm and melting in your hand. Of course, the preparation includes eating some raw cookie dough and trying to sneak an extra spoonful when my daughters tell me not to. I am thankful for my daughters’ cookies. 
Slip.” I know, a little geeky…but I liked his costume. My other favorite costume is one that looks like a person riding a horse or broom. I encouraged my daughter to dress up with two of her friends, all in black, so they could kneel next to each other and be an ellipsis. Alright, I know, a little strange. But what would Halloween be if not a little strange? Those are silly Halloween costumes we might wear once a year but we may wear more serious masks around our family all year round. Seriously, have you ever hidden behind a “mask” around your loved ones? Have you hidden your true self behind a façade in the presence of your family? I have. Unfortunately, hiding our true self behind a mask will eventually cause serious problems in your family. So, as you prepare to take off your Halloween mask, consider taking off these masks as well?
looks and acts like everything is fine. On the inside, however, they are seething with anger, overwhelmed with sorrow, frustrated by lack of cooperation, irritated with the lack of help, or boiling over with any number of other emotions. The Everything’s Fine Mask hides the person’s true feelings and robs the family of any opportunity to change and grow more intimate. The person behind the mask eventually feels taken advantage of and may become resentful…or even blow up in anger. Yes, the Everything’s-Fine Mask is a time bomb waiting to explode. Take this mask off by speaking the truth in love. Be vulnerable. Remove the mask and reveal your true feelings. Lovingly let your family know what bothers you. Then, stick around for an honest and loving discussion that can lead to the resolution of any frustration and anger that lurks behind the mask. You will discover that your family truly does love you and is more than willing to work with you in banishing the Everything’s-Fine Mask!
statement. No one else knew that the statement bothered them. Rather than put on the Everything’s-Fine Mask, they put on the Nobody-Loves-Me Mask. They withdraw and sulk, silently waiting for other family members to notice them, chase them, and express undying love for them. Not realizing why this person is sulking, the family leaves them alone. The person wearing the mask takes this to mean—you guessed it, “Nobody loves me.” The best way to remove this mask is through communication. Do not expect the rest of your family to read your mind. Simply express your need for clarification on the hurtful statement. Express your desire for some affirmation or loving attention. In other words, quit sulking, take off the mask, and interact with your family. You will soon discover how much they truly do love you and want to involve you in the family activities.
she made in her class in the picture to the left. Her grandmother (my mother) visited us soon after she finished the class. While visiting, she noticed and admired the pottery my daughter had made. While encouraging my daughter’s talent, she mentioned the pottery “her father” (that’s me) made in 6th grade. I had a faint recollection of that artistic endeavor. In my mind I had made a pitcher. It was round and had a small opening on the top that gracefully lipped outward. The round body had a face sculpted into one side and the ears formed handles on each side of the face. It was an odd color though…kind of a muddy brown. A few months later, we visited grandma’s house and she presented my 6th grade pottery for my daughter’s admiration. My daughter, obviously stunned and speechless, stared at my work of art before a somewhat quizzical smile began to grow across her face. I took my work in my hands and looked at it from all sides. Not quite what I remembered. It was…well, what can I say? Ugly-it was ugly. I mean, it was the ugliest thing I had ever seen. It had no face, no ears, no…beauty. (You can see I am not exaggerating by looking at the picture to the right.) Obviously, my daughter did not get her artistic abilities from me. 
ily by God’s Design yourself, here is a brief summary.
“If you would like to establish a healthy and biblical family environment, read John Salmon’s book Family by God’s Design. He gives you practical, concrete ways to develop honor and grace while living everyday life. Implement these ideas and watch your family blossom!” -Tim, husband, father, & attorney 
alive in your family. How? I’m glad you asked. Here are some “daily ideas” to help you keep the love alive. For more ideas, you can visit “The Honor Bank” on our website, friend us on Facebook, or follow us on Twitter. In the meantime, each of the daily deposits listed here will keep the spirit of Valentine’s Day alive in your family for months to come!
th your family and honor your mother by sharing stories about the mothers and grandmothers in your family. As you share stories, look through family albums to find pictures of these women…women who helped shape your family and, ultimately, you. Make copies of these pictures and create a photo album of all the “Moms Who Paved the Way” in your family. Under each picture, write a short caption describing their character and contribution to the family.
dessert. Seat her in the waiting area (living room) with her favorite reading material while you set the table–good dishes, candles, and all. Escort her to the table, pull out her chair, and seat her. Serve her and enjoy conversation while you eat. Maybe even share some fun stories about your life with her. Then, let her relax while you clear the table, wash the dishes, and clean up the kitchen. 
s victorious resurrection on Easter morning. As I meditate on these events, I recall hearing people speak about living in the shadow of the cross. This year, though, I thought about family. I contemplated what it would mean for our family to live in the shadow of the cross. How would family life change at the foot of the cross? Living at the foot of the cross promotes a healthy family life. Here are just 5 of the powerful lessons families can learn at the foot of the cross.
how compassion to your family. Reach out in kindness to meet your family’s needs. 