Have you ever wondered how to build trust in your family relationships? The Gottman Institute suggests five ways to build trust with your spouse. I believe those same five suggestions can build trust within your family. I have to warn you though…these suggestions appear small, even insignificant on the surface. They do not call for any flourishing gesture or dramatic, flamboyant action that 
suddenly creates a deep bond of trust between family members. There is no magic pill for building trust. No, these suggestions are subtle, but powerful, actions and attitudes that, when practiced daily, have a profound impact on trust in a family. Let me share each suggestion along with a brief explanation.
suddenly creates a deep bond of trust between family members. There is no magic pill for building trust. No, these suggestions are subtle, but powerful, actions and attitudes that, when practiced daily, have a profound impact on trust in a family. Let me share each suggestion along with a brief explanation. · Make trustworthiness a priority in your relationship. As with all relationship building principles, start with yourself. Make it a priority to become a trustworthy person, a person others can trust. Develop your reputation as a person of honesty, integrity, and reliability. Follow through on your promises. Make your word “as good as gold.” Remain reliable in your actions and your affections. Live a lifestyle that is consistent with your honest speech. To develop a trusting relationship, become a trustworthy person.
· Act to maximize each of your family members’ well-being. Do not look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of your spouse and family. Be considerate of their needs and desires. Look to increase their sense of security in relationship to you. Spend time with them. Discover their interests and create opportunities for them
to grow in those areas of interest. Encourage their strengths. Become their Michelangelo—the person who brings out their best and encourages them to grow stronger in their “true self” every day.· Realize that trust is built and strengthened by small positive moments. You do not have to create the big, dramatic event to build trust or precious memories. The small, enjoyable, and positive moments build the greatest memories and the most enduring trust. Share little adventures. Play together. Show empathy. Learn things together. Share meals. Laugh together. Go for walks. When the negative emotions associated with disagreements and minor conflicts arise, you will have built a foundation that allows you to tune into the other person and share yourself. As you share yourself during conflict and then resolve conflict, trust grows exponentially.
· Avoid negative comparisons. Comparisons contaminate trusting relationships. They cause trust to decay, create doubt about my value in the other person’s eyes, and diminish my sense of being accepted unconditionally. Comparisons create competition, bitterness, and resentment. Instead of comparing family members, practice unconditional acceptance. Each person has their own unique personality, strengths, and interests. Accept each person’s uniqueness, their own “bent.” Acknowledge that uniqueness and discover how those unique attributes contribute to their happiness, strengthen your family, and supplies
a needed resource to those around them.· Cherish each of your family members’ positive qualities. Actively seek out the positive qualities and characteristics that you admire in your family members. Acknowledge those positive traits. Even when family members do things that you find irritating, step back and look for the positive aspect of that behavior or action. Then, take time to acknowledge that positive quality before discussing ways you can both work to reduce the irritation. Acknowledge positive attributes in each family member every day. Nurture a daily practice of gratitude for everything your family members provide and offer to you, to your relationship, and to your family. Keep your focus on what you admire in your family.
Five suggestions for building trust in family relationships. Nothing dramatic or hard-core, just small actions and words that, when practiced daily, result in growing trust.
submission as an admired trait. In fact, we don’t even like the word “submission.” We avoid it, degrade it, make light of it. Rarely do we receive a compliment like, “You are a wonderfully submissive person.” Can you imagine someone telling you, “I really admire how you let your wife influence your decision not to go out with the guys tonight…you are such a good example of loving submission”? In fact, that kind of comment might make us rebel a little just to prove our independence, to assert the fact that we are not hen-pecked. We would much rather hear someone say, “You are such a strong-willed person,” “I love how you take charge,” or “I admire your ability to make strong, independent decisions.” Those are all good compliments, but how do we balance them with “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Fact of the matter is, submission can make or break a family. Research suggests that a man’s willingness to accept the influence of his wife–his willingness to listen to her and allow her to influence his ideas–strengthens his marriage. Dr. Gottman, the “love lab guru,” suggests that if a man does not submit to his wife’s ideas by listening and sharing power, the relationship ends in divorce 80% of the time! In other words, a man needs to be a leader of submission in his family. He needs to model submission. Don’t get me wrong, marriages benefit when women submit to their husbands as well. A man will feel unappreciated, mistrusted, and undervalued if his wife does not submit to him and accept his influence. How can he teach his children to respect others if his wife does not respect him through submission? On the other hand, a woman may begin to feel isolated, unheard, invalidated, and uncared for if her husband does not submit by listening to and accepting her influence. How can she truly care for her family if her husband constantly undermines her efforts to teach their children the responsibility of household chores (and vice versa)? If a married couple does not submit to each other and support one another in their efforts to build a family, the children will follow their example, refusing to listen and denying the influence of their parents. (
I can hear it now…”You want me to let him (or her) walk all over me?” “I should let her (or him) run my life?” Of course not. Submission is not slavery. It’s not abusive. In fact, if a person moves from submission and accepting influence to demanding unquestioned obedience, their marriage and family life are doomed. Effective submission involves mutual respect and trust. Couples find it easier to submit to a spouse when he/she submits as well, showing respect and honor. Husbands and wives more readily submit to one another when they know their spouse has their best interest at heart, when they trust one another and when they know that their loves is reciprocated. In the midst of this mutual submission, children learn to trust, listen, respect, and accept influence; they learn to submit. They feel safe submitting to their parents’ rules because they have seen submission modeled. They have witnessed the benefits of submission. They have experienced the security of a strong relationship marked by mutual submission. 
-term dividends. The same is true in family honor banking. If you want to grow your family honor account, here is an investment strategy as easy as 1…2…3. 
of fairy tales. In real life, children ask, “Mirror, mirror in your eyes, am I worthy of your love?” and “Mirror, mirror in your eyes, please accept me-call me fine?” Children do not look at a mirror on a wall to determine their worth, they look into their parents’ eyes. They find their worth, lovability, and acceptance in the image they see reflected back to them from their parents. The reflection they see of themselves in our eyes becomes their personal identity. 
If we want our children to see themselves as acceptable, valuable, beautiful, or lovable, the first step is to assure them that we see and treat them as acceptable, valuable, beautiful, and lovable. When our children look into the mirrors of our eyes, they need to see us reflect back delight, acceptance, pride, and an abiding love. Are the mirrors of your eyes polished and clear? Do they reflect the image you want your child to become? Here are nine suggestions to help you reflect a healthy image to your child.
without complaining after they spend time at a friend’s home. Have their friends over to your house and give them a snack. 
A woman from our church family passed away at the end of January. She was 98 years old. She was a retired school teacher and students from fifty years ago still called her Mrs. Carlson. Friends and those who met her during retirement, called her Eva. Those who had the privilege of growing up in the church she attended call her Aunt Lou. Everyone loved her. She was one of the most gracious people I have ever met. People who have known her their whole lives honestly look back and say that she never said a harsh word about anybody. She only had words of kindness, encouragement, and grace. 
ls ranging from huge elephants to tiny molerats, exotic sea dragons to common lambs, swinging monkeys to slithering snakes, lethargic sloths to phrenetically flying bats, playful seals to ferocious tigers. The variety seemed unending. We laughed at some animals, admired others, and stood in awe of many. We admired the beautiful, the bizarre, and the creepy. They all seemed amazing. The variety didn’t offend us. On the contrary, it made the trip all the more interesting. It added spice to our trip to the zoo.
parent families, two parent families, multigenerational families, Spanish speaking families, Russian speaking families, families with babies in strollers, families with teens, families that walked hand in hand, and families who merely smiled at one another as they looked at the animals. No matter what, the families seemed to enjoy the outing and each other’s company. It made me smile to see mothers, fathers, grandparents and children all having so much fun together. The variety of families added even more interest to our outing. 
families. Each person is different. Each family member has their own likes and interests, strengths and weaknesses, character and personality. Sometimes we might not like the same things that our family members like. We might even dislike what another family member loves. However, the beauty of family is that we accept one another anyway. In fact, we do more than accept our differences, we honor and value those differences. We know that those differences give our family the depth and strength that we might not have otherwise. One child loves sports and the other loves music. A parent loves to read while a child loves to cook. One family member likes loud music and another likes quiet ballads. Together we celebrate those differences and learn to encourage each family member’s interests and strengths. We allow other family members’ strengths to compliment our life, filling in for our areas of weakness. We can even learn from other family members’ interests, expanding our own borders somewhat. Perhaps I can learn to enjoy and appreciate the age of texting that my children so enjoy…and in doing so I can keep in better contact with them and their world. Overall, accepting and valuing the variety within our family becomes the spice of our family life.