Tag Archive for husbands

Simple, Every Day Marriage Boosters

Marital intimacy is built upon simple everyday activities. Here are a few of those simple every day activities you can use to strengthen your marriage.

  • Hold hands every day. Hold hands while you take a walk. Hold hands while you watch TV. Hold hands while you sit together. Hold hands every chance you get.
  • Give one another a 10 second hug when you get home at the end of the day… or when you leave at the start of the day… or both!
  • Kiss one another every day. Give a kiss good-bye, a kiss hello, a kiss just to kiss. Give a simple peck on the cheek or give a 10-second kiss…or just sit down and kiss as long as you want.
  • Say kind words to one another. “Good morning.” “Good night.” “I love you.” “Have a good day.” Offer a compliment. Say “Thank you.”  Don’t forget to say “You’re welcome,” too.
  • Do a project together. For instance, make dinner together. Do yardwork together. You might even do a little home remodeling.
  • Do kind things for one another. Hold the door open and let your spouse go first. Do an extra chore around the house. Make the bed. Give your spouse a simple gift. Let your spouse have the last piece of pie.
  • Text your spouse to see how he or she is doing. Or, text them to ask about some special appointment in their life. Text them to say how much you love them. You get the idea. Text them to spread a little love.
  • Tell your spouse one thing you appreciate about them every day.
  • Bring home a small gift for your spouse. It doesn’t need to be a big gift. If your spouse likes a certain candy bar, bring one home. If they like a particular kind of gum, bring home a pack. Buy a card and write a note of appreciation in it before giving it your spouse. Of course, there are always flowers too.
  • Resolve disagreements and arguments as they occur and as quickly as possible.

You can carry out these simple activities on a daily basis and each one will strengthen your marriage and increase intimacy with your spouse.

Forget the Flowers & Do the Dishes

A recent study in the Journal of Family Psychology by Matthew Johnson and two other authors (Read abstract here) suggests an association between a husband’s willingness to serve and the couple’s sexual satisfaction. Specifically, 1,338 heterosexual couples were asked about housework (How much housework do you do? What specific chores do you do? Do you have any “beef with the breakdown”?) and their marital relationship. Results indicate that men who take on a fair share of the chores report a higher frequency of sex with their partner and greater satisfaction with their sex life as whole. It appears that acting on the opportunity to serve one’s wife may enhance sexual intimacy. Really, the benefit of living out an attitude of servanthood is not a new idea. The first century evangelist, Paul, stated that we “were called to freedom. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather serve one another humbly in love” (Galatians 5:13). Even Christ told His followers, “Whoever wants to be great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and give his life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:43-45). Christ came to serve His future Bride!

So guys, “Sex Begins in the Kitchen,” with serving, just like Kevin Leman suggested in his book of the same title. If you want a more intimate satisfying sex life, start by serving your wife and family. Do the dishes. Help with the laundry. Cook a meal. Clean the bathroom…. Use your freedom and position to humbly serve your wife. You’ll find the results exhilarating!

Something Greater (sample chapter from For His Eyes Only)

“An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels.” (Proverbs 31:10—NASB)

HisEyesCover (2)There resides within your wife something greater than an angel waiting to be set free. She holds within her person a jewel of such great value that, when you understand it, you will freely give up all other desires and completely honor her. I know it sounds like an exaggeration, but it is not. Really, it is not. What is the jewel contained within your wife? Your wife carries in her person the image of God! She is an image-bearer of the Almighty Creator of the Universe, the Lord of Lords. Think of that: God’s compassion, grace, love, and passion are part of your wife’s essence. God’s zeal to protect and nurture are also embedded in your wife’s character. Of course, she may bear His image imperfectly. We all do. Nonetheless, she is created in His image. These godly characteristics (and more) are part of who she is! And, if she has accepted Christ into her life, she also has the Indwelling Spirit of God residing in her. She is the temple of God (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). She is an image-bearer of the Almighty God and His temple, the dwelling place of His Spirit. That makes your wife worthy of great honor! But wait, there’s more. She is also chosen by God, a royal child of our King, and a prized possession purchased at great cost by the King’s Son (1 Peter 2:9-10). Yes, your wife possesses inestimable value. Her “worth is far above jewels…” (Proverbs 31:10). This precious woman you have the privilege of calling your wife is a treasure; a delightful gift from God (Proverbs 18:22).

When we understand the value of our wives, our prayers go beyond simple requests. Instead, we will lift our wives up before the light of God to admire and praise their great beauty and value, not to point out flaws or imperfections. When we realize the treasure inherent in our wives, our prayers will be filled with excited gratitude and delight that God has so graciously given us such a wonderful treasure. Prayer for our wife is filled with admiration for the beauty and grace with which she reveals the image of God to our family. Prayers for our wives are filled with awe as we realize their great worth…a value far above jewels. They are a treasure, a delightful gift from God.

As you pray for your wife, list ways in which her attitude, actions, and speech reveal God’s character to you, your family, and your community. To help you think about this, list times your wife has revealed herself an image-bearer of God’s:

  • Compassion:
  • Grace:
  • Zeal to Love:
  • Passion:
  • Zeal to protect:
  • Desire to nurture:
  • Other Godly characteristics your wife reveals through her words and actions:

Father, thank You for bringing my wife into my life and revealing Your character to me through her. Open my eyes to more clearly see how You reveal Yourself to me through her attitude, actions, and speech. Open my heart to know how truly valuable and precious she is as Your image-bearer. Thank You for my wife.

Read reviews of For His Eyes Only by John Salmon on Amazon.com

The Key to Love…or Disdain

“A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears.”–Woodrow Wyatt

If Woodrow Wyatt is right, men and women have different keys when it comes to love. A key and heartkey to a man’s love begins with his eyes. If this is true, you can use this key to increase intimacy with your husband. Dress nicely now and again rather than always slumping around in your “comfy clothes.” When you go on a date, pick out clothes that you know appeal to your husband. You likely did this while dating. Why not keep it up after you’re married? Make an effort to put on nice clothes, fix your hair, and smile admiringly at your husband on a regular basis. It will go a long way in unlocking his love.

A key to a woman’s love begins in her ears. Use this key to gain intimacy with your wife. Speak words of appreciation and adoration for your wife. Encourage her often. Verbalize your feelings of love on a regular basis. Let your words reveal your fondness and admiration for your wife. Speak words of love and affection, appreciation and adoration, fondness and admiration daily. This will unlock her love for you in amazing ways.

These keys have a flipside. They can create intimacy when used properly; but, on the flipside, they will create disdain if misused or ignored. Wives, if you make no attempt to look nice for your husband, he may begin to think you don’t care. He will feel unimportant because you “dress up for work, but never for him.” He will feel as though you rate him second to all those activities and places for which you dress up. He may even begin to feel disrespected. He may feel cheated and deceived because you “dressed up when we were dating but now you don’t care enough about me.” A man who feels disrespected will begin to drift to those places where he feels more respect. Don’t let this happen in your marriage. Use the key of his eyes to keep him close.

Men, if you neglect to speak words of affirmation and admiration to your wife, she will begin to doubt your love. She will feel unappreciated and unloved. She may even begin to feel worse about herself, inadequate and filled with self-doubt. If you call her names or call her character into question through the words you speak, she will begin to despise you. Her disdain for you will grow with every negative comment you make. Eventually, love will die. Don’t let this happen in your marriage. Speak words of love and tenderness. Use the key of her ears to keep her close.

Of course the eyes and ears are not the only keys to love. But, they do provide one key you can use to deepen the intimacy with your spouse and strengthen your marriage. The nice thing is…you hold the key!

Prayer Changes Things—sample chapter from “For His Eyes Only”

(Help spread the news: retweet the tweets embedded in this blog and send this sample chapter to other men who want to become the husband God designed and the one their wives desire!)

“The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective” (James 5:16b—NIV)

I learned an important lesson about prayer during my early twenties. A friend asked for a ride to church. How could I say “no”? Who refuses to give someone a ride to church? I felt obliged to agree. The problem was (well, this is kind of embarrassing now) I found her somewhat irritating. My irritation grew stronger because I felt obligated. I have no idea why she irritated me. I can only attribute it to the immaturity of my emotions and Christian life at the time. I mean, who gets irritated about taking a friend to worship? I decided I would pray for her. “God answers prayer,” I reasoned. “Surely He will answer my prayer and respond to my sacrificial gesture by making her less irritating.” (I know, you can probably hear the immaturity in that line of reasoning. What can I say? I was young.) So, I began to pray for her…and she never changed! Something did happen though; something I didn’t foresee. When I began to pray, I became less irritated. I began to enjoy her companionship.

One day she said, “You know, you have gotten a lot nicer lately.”

“Really?” I replied.

“Yes. You were a little mean and rude. Now you are much nicer.”

God drove those words into my heart like a stake. Sheepishly, I apologized. Graciously, she accepted my apology and we continued on our way to worship.

No, we did not fall in love and get married. We did remain friends until she moved to another state and we lost touch. Now, we follow one another on Facebook. I remember her as someone who taught me a very important lesson about prayer. She taught me that prayer changes things. Most importantly, prayer changes the person praying! As I prayed for my friend, God graciously changed me. He softened my heart. He opened my eyes. He clarified my thoughts. He led me to accept my friend, acknowledge her strengths, and recognize her beauty.


As you begin this journey praying for your wife and your role as a husband, remember God does answer prayers.  More specifically, He will answer your prayers. He will initiate changes in response to your honest and sincere prayers. But, the biggest change will most likely occur in your heart and your life. So, as you begin this journey of prayer, I offer you a word of caution: do not think of prayer as another tool to change your wife into the person you want her to become. Instead, think of prayer as…

  • Your opportunity to humbly approach and commune with God. He longs to spend time with you. Prayer is an opportunity to intimacy with Him, a time to deepen your understanding of His love. Further, we tend to become like those with whom we associate. This is an added incentive to spend time with God. Commune with God and you become more like God.

          • A time to open your heart to God’s gentle healing. We each encounter insults and disappointments. Those disappointments and harsh experiences can leave us bruised and scarred. Our Father will heal those injuries as we spend time with Him. And, when God heals, He heals miraculously and abundantly.

 

 

          • A time to invite spiritual surgery. For whatever reason, bitterness, resentment, anger, arrogance, insecurity, and defensiveness may have taken root in your life. These roots will interfere with—and even sabotage—your marriage if they are not removed. In prayer, we open our hearts to God’s holy scalpel, allowing Him to carefully remove those roots and freeing us to love in the way He loves us.

 

 

  • A time to allow Him to change you. God does change things when we pray and He begins with you!

Click here to learn more about my newest book, For His Eyes Only.

Become the Catalyst for an Honorable Family

I often speak about honoring one another in the family. However, it is just as important (maybe more important) to become a person your family can honor. In fact, if we do not become a person worthy of honor, we set the whole family up for trouble. Consider what happened in Noah’s family when he acted dishonorably. Noah was a great man; but, after the flood he got drunk, a passed-out-laying-in-his-tent-naked-drunk. His son, Ham, found familysunhearthim, saw his father’s shame, and exposed his father’s dishonor by telling his brothers about his “find.” Noah had acted dishonorably by getting drunk. Ham had acted dishonorably by spreading the news of his father’s shame. These dishonorable acts ultimately resulted in Ham’s descendants living in servitude to their cousins (Genesis 9:25). The dishonorable actions of a father opened the door for his son to act dishonorably and for generations to live under the consequences of dishonor. Imagine the weight of that burden on Noah. You can avoid this heavy consequence by becoming a person of honor.  Here are several traits a person of honor exhibits. Read them carefully and start living a life of honor today…for your family’s sake!

  1. A person worthy of honor is humble. We admire a humble person. A humble person listens and accepts correction, allowing him to grow in character. He believes that others have important contributions to make and, as a result, listens carefully and takes those contributions to heart.
  2. A person worthy of honor is gracious. A gracious person gives his time and energy to help and support those around him. A gracious person forgives. He accepts that others make mistakes and patiently corrects misunderstandings. A gracious person accepts others in spite of any mistakes or misunderstandings. A gracious person is a person worthy of honor.
  3. A person worthy of honor shows kindness to others. A person of honor does not need a bumper sticker proclaiming “random acts of kindness.” Everyone around him observes his kindness and receives the benefits of his kindness. Acting in kindness is second nature to him. He loves to hold the door open for others, allow others to go first in traffic, or speak words of encouragement to the downhearted. Kindness is his modus operandi.
  4. A person worthy of honor accepts correction and discipline. An honorable person humbly accepts his own shortcomings. He realizes his imperfection and admits his mistakes. As a result, he not only accepts but cherishes the correction of others. He realizes that correction helps him grow and become a more honorable person.
  5. A person worthy of honor speaks the truth. We know we can trust the word of an honorable person. He does not tell even white lies. You can completely trust the person of honor because he has no hidden agendas. He lovingly speaks the truth.
  6. A person worthy of honor keeps his word. His “yes” is “yes” and his “no” is “no.” When an honorable person promises to do something for you, you know it will get done. He does not make idle promises or promises he cannot keep. This adds to our willingness to trust a person of honor.
  7. A person worthy of honor works to provide for himself and his family. An honorable person does not trick others to make a gain. He does not connive and conspire to get ahead. Instead, he works hard. He works hard in response to his love for family. He works hard so no one has to carry the burden of caring for his needs. He works hard for the joy of helping others in their time of need.
  8. A person worthy of honor is generous. An honorable person gives to others with no expectation of return. He gives simply for the joy of giving. This does not mean he gives frivolously. He shares from his abundance with those who have need; but, he does so wisely, as a good steward. He not only shares his material wealth, but he shares his time and effort as well.
  9. A person of honor stands firm in his beliefs. He is not easily swayed. You know where he stands and what he believes. There is no guessing or fear about what he believes or how he will act. He is open and firm. Although he stands firm in his beliefs, he does not become rude. Instead, he remains firm in a loving and polite manner.

 

To build a family of honor, become a person of honor. Practice these nine attributes to become a person of honor. Your family will honor you and thank you…and you will enjoy the benefits of an honor filled family for generations to come.