“Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.” Paul in Romans 15:7
Family members accept one another. We do so by allowing each family member into our heart with the intent of showing
them kindness. That sounds obvious, doesn’t it? Perhaps if we add a few words–family members accept one another graciously, completely and unconditionally. Still, seems kind of obvious…but what if we really did accept one another as Christ accepted us? Think about it with me for one moment. Christ accepts us while we are still helpless (Romans 5:6). He accepts us in spite of our weaknesses and those things we cannot help. In family life, we accept one another in spite of areas of weakness. For instance, we accept our children even when they act like immature kids in the wrong place and at the wrong time; after all, they are helpless in acting like children because they are children. So, even when our children behave in some inappropriate way that gets on our nerves, we allow them into our hearts with the intent of showing them kindness…we accept them. When our spouses get on our nerves because they act like men or think like women, we accept them into our hearts with the intent of showing them kindness…we accept them.
them kindness. That sounds obvious, doesn’t it? Perhaps if we add a few words–family members accept one another graciously, completely and unconditionally. Still, seems kind of obvious…but what if we really did accept one another as Christ accepted us? Think about it with me for one moment. Christ accepts us while we are still helpless (Romans 5:6). He accepts us in spite of our weaknesses and those things we cannot help. In family life, we accept one another in spite of areas of weakness. For instance, we accept our children even when they act like immature kids in the wrong place and at the wrong time; after all, they are helpless in acting like children because they are children. So, even when our children behave in some inappropriate way that gets on our nerves, we allow them into our hearts with the intent of showing them kindness…we accept them. When our spouses get on our nerves because they act like men or think like women, we accept them into our hearts with the intent of showing them kindness…we accept them.We can go a step further in accepting one another as Christ accepts us. Jesus even accepts people who sinners (Romans 5:8). In fact, He seemed to seek out those who had “missed the mark” when He came to earth. He came to “heal the sick, not the healthy” and “to seek and to save those who were lost.” He knew that those who “missed the mark” had a deep need to feel connected and accepted. Such people need to be taken by the hand, given access into our heart, and shown kindness. Only from the basis of a loving and accepting relationship could Jesus show them how to live the abundant life. Families building a heritage of grace follow Christ’s example. Like Christ, we allow family members into our hearts with the intent of showing kindness to them even when they do something wrong. Don’t get me wrong–we still discipline. We do not accept misbehavior or inappropriate behavior. We simply accept people. In the midst of any disciplinary action, our family members need to know that we still accept them and love them, in spite of the misbehavior. When our spouse is wrong about something and we end up arguing, we need to assure them that we still accept them in spite of any difference of opinion. We still love and respect them (accept them), even in the midst of the argument. Offer words of acceptance in the midst of any disagreement or argument. Do not get so carried away with emotions that you forget to communicate complete acceptance of family members in the midst of any disagreement, argument, or discipline. Remember, they have a place in your heart from which you intend to show them kindness, even when they miss the mark.
Christ went even further in accepting us. He 
accepted us while we were His enemies (Romans 5:10). He accepted those who He knew would deny Him and those who would betray Him. He accepted and even served Peter (who later denied Him) and Judas (who betrayed Him) when He washed their feet at the last supper (John 13). He opened His heart to them and showed them kindness even though He knew that they would deny and betray Him before the evening came to an end! To graciously accept family members, we open our hearts to them with the intent of showing kindness even though they may betray us. Even if our children defame the family name… a parent loses control and calls a child terrible names… or a family member leaves the family in anger, in effect abandoning them in need…even then, we work to graciously accept our family members. Once again, I do not mean that wrong behavior goes unaddressed. We still address inappropriate, hurtful behavior. However, amidst all of this, each family member needs to have a keen awareness that they have access to one another’s heart and that the intent of kindness still exists. They need to have a sense of complete and gracious acceptance.
accepted us while we were His enemies (Romans 5:10). He accepted those who He knew would deny Him and those who would betray Him. He accepted and even served Peter (who later denied Him) and Judas (who betrayed Him) when He washed their feet at the last supper (John 13). He opened His heart to them and showed them kindness even though He knew that they would deny and betray Him before the evening came to an end! To graciously accept family members, we open our hearts to them with the intent of showing kindness even though they may betray us. Even if our children defame the family name… a parent loses control and calls a child terrible names… or a family member leaves the family in anger, in effect abandoning them in need…even then, we work to graciously accept our family members. Once again, I do not mean that wrong behavior goes unaddressed. We still address inappropriate, hurtful behavior. However, amidst all of this, each family member needs to have a keen awareness that they have access to one another’s heart and that the intent of kindness still exists. They need to have a sense of complete and gracious acceptance. This is no easy task. No, unconditionally acceptance is not easy but well worth the challenge. To give our family total and complete acceptance like Christ gave to us is no less than an act of grace. Will you show this gracious acceptance to your family members?
submission as an admired trait. In fact, we don’t even like the word “submission.” We avoid it, degrade it, make light of it. Rarely do we receive a compliment like, “You are a wonderfully submissive person.” Can you imagine someone telling you, “I really admire how you let your wife influence your decision not to go out with the guys tonight…you are such a good example of loving submission”? In fact, that kind of comment might make us rebel a little just to prove our independence, to assert the fact that we are not hen-pecked. We would much rather hear someone say, “You are such a strong-willed person,” “I love how you take charge,” or “I admire your ability to make strong, independent decisions.” Those are all good compliments, but how do we balance them with “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Fact of the matter is, submission can make or break a family. Research suggests that a man’s willingness to accept the influence of his wife–his willingness to listen to her and allow her to influence his ideas–strengthens his marriage. Dr. Gottman, the “love lab guru,” suggests that if a man does not submit to his wife’s ideas by listening and sharing power, the relationship ends in divorce 80% of the time! In other words, a man needs to be a leader of submission in his family. He needs to model submission. Don’t get me wrong, marriages benefit when women submit to their husbands as well. A man will feel unappreciated, mistrusted, and undervalued if his wife does not submit to him and accept his influence. How can he teach his children to respect others if his wife does not respect him through submission? On the other hand, a woman may begin to feel isolated, unheard, invalidated, and uncared for if her husband does not submit by listening to and accepting her influence. How can she truly care for her family if her husband constantly undermines her efforts to teach their children the responsibility of household chores (and vice versa)? If a married couple does not submit to each other and support one another in their efforts to build a family, the children will follow their example, refusing to listen and denying the influence of their parents. (
I can hear it now…”You want me to let him (or her) walk all over me?” “I should let her (or him) run my life?” Of course not. Submission is not slavery. It’s not abusive. In fact, if a person moves from submission and accepting influence to demanding unquestioned obedience, their marriage and family life are doomed. Effective submission involves mutual respect and trust. Couples find it easier to submit to a spouse when he/she submits as well, showing respect and honor. Husbands and wives more readily submit to one another when they know their spouse has their best interest at heart, when they trust one another and when they know that their loves is reciprocated. In the midst of this mutual submission, children learn to trust, listen, respect, and accept influence; they learn to submit. They feel safe submitting to their parents’ rules because they have seen submission modeled. They have witnessed the benefits of submission. They have experienced the security of a strong relationship marked by mutual submission. 
I set him free.” I love that quote. Researchers describe a Michelangelo effect between spouses when one spouse brings out the best, the angel, in the other. My wife is my Michelangelo. Other people look at me and see a slab of rock; but she sees something more. She looks into that slab of rock and sees a statue waiting to take shape, dreams and aspirations waiting to emerge, an ideal self waiting to be set free. At times, I think she believes I am more like that ideal person than I really am. She compliments me like I’ve already achieved more of my ideal than I really have. Not only does she see and believe in my ideals and dreams, she actively helps me reach for them. She supports me and even assists me in reaching my goals. All the while, she talks about how much she enjoys doing things with me. 
As New Year’s Day approached, I thought about the past year and the coming year, what I accomplished during 2010 and what I hope to accomplish over 2011. (I used to make resolutions…until I made the resolution to make no resolution, which, by the way, is the only resolution I have ever kept.) After reviewing and dreaming, I develop yearly goals for several areas of my life including family. This year, I recruited members of my family to help me develop goals related to family. I approached my wife and children to ask them a few questions–10 questions for my children and 11 for my wife (spouse). At first, they thought I was off my rocker, but they still answered them. Their answers helped me discover areas of weakness, areas of strength, and directions for next year. Some questions made me nervous to ask. Others were a lot of fun. Let me share these questions and the reason for each question with you.
