It’s bound to happen today. Your spouse, your parent, or your children will do or say something that triggers your anger, your anxiety, your frustration, or your fear. A physiological surge of neurochemicals will cascade through your body, triggering the physical sensations of emotion —a racing heart, tense muscles, tight jaws, breathing changes. This surge of neurochemicals will flow through your body and bloodstream before they flush from your system in just 90 seconds. That’s right, the physiological ingredients of emotion will flush from your system in 90 seconds according to Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, a neuroanatomist. At that point, you have navigated the physiological undergirding of your emotional response. If the anger, anxiety, or fear persists, it is likely due to your conscious mind replaying the event or creating a narrative about the event that continually refreshes the chemical cascade, perpetuating the emotion.

You may think that sounds farfetched, but it’s true. There is a simple way for you to experience and verify this phenomenon for yourself. Observe it in yourself. That’s right. When you experience anger or frustration, fear or anxiety, pause. Look at your watch or a stopwatch and start timing for 90 seconds. During those 90 seconds, get curious. Identify your emotion and label it—”I’m feeling angry/frustrated/worried.” Allow yourself to experience the physical sensation of emotion, the 90 second surge of neurochemicals coursing through your body and notice how it impacts your body. How do you feel it in your body? Do not judge or act on it, simply take a few breaths as you observe it and experience how it waxes and then wanes. At the end of 90 seconds, notice how your emotion has changed. Notice how you can respond differently after 90 seconds than before.

If you continue to experience the emotion, check your thoughts. What images or scripts are you replaying in your mind? How are these images and scripts perpetuating your emotion? There is a good chance that the images are catastrophic. The scripts are likely outdated, catastrophic, or permanent. They might represent mindreading or self-blame. Modify those images and scripts to more accurate and objective realities and you will find your emotions becoming more manageable. (If you need help doing so, seek a third party to help—a friend, a confidante, a minister.)

Here is the beauty of recognizing this 90-second physiological response. When your family member does something that gives rise to your anger or frustration, wait 90 seconds before responding. Time it. During the 90 seconds, label the emotion to yourself. Experience the physical surge of neurochemicals and how it impacts your body. Breathe intentionally. Don’t judge. Just experience, observe, and breathe. After 90-seconds, make sure you aren’t engaging in any images or scripts that will perpetuate the physical surge of neurochemicals. Then, when you notice your emotion has become more manageable, respond from your values to whatever your family member did or said.

One caveat: 90 seconds may feel like an eternity. But taking 90 seconds to focus on your emotions and how they impact you is powerful. Become curious about your inner workings. Take the full 90 seconds…and enjoy getting to know yourself better.