Savor the Ones You Love
One of my favorite aspects of family gatherings arises when people start reliving shared memories. Everybody laughs about the joyous memories…and eyes often glisten at recalled losses. Sometimes the memories start off disastrous but end up being a time of laughter and connection. Many times, families even recall the joyous memories at difficult times to help them “get through” the hard time. Haven’t we all sat with family and friends at a funeral recalling the fun times shared together? As we do, the experience of pain from the loss of a loved one transforms into appreciation for the special moments we had shared with them. Fortunately, we don’t have to wait until a funeral to savor our family and one another. We can do it any time we like—at family gatherings, holidays, mealtimes, any time. Psychologists call this savoring the relationship and you can do it with your spouse and family at any time, in any place. All you have to do is:
- Remember an event you enjoyed with your spouse or family, one that brought you closer together and built stronger bonds. Once you remember it, ask if everyone else remembers it. “Do you remember when…?”
- Together, recall the event in as much sensory detail as necessary. In other words, talk about the event. Include details about what you saw, what you heard, what you smelled, or any other physical sensations that might have accompanied the event.
- Recall the emotions you experienced too. As you talk about the event, you will likely re-experience the same emotions on some level…probably not as intense as when first experienced but still enough to note.
- As you recall the complete experience, recognize the meaning of the experience. What did this experience mean in the long run? What did you and your spouse or family gain as a result of this experience?
- Finally, enjoy the possibility that you might enjoy similar experiences in the future. You might even enjoy planning a similar event when you remember how much you enjoyed it the first time.
As you follow these 5 steps, you will savor your experience with your loved one. Savoring such experiences with your spouse and family will build greater bonds of intimacy and connection. They will also strengthen the recognition of your family values and priorities.
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