We were given an “echo” for Christmas. After we set it up, we started asking it to play certain styles of music. My family laughed because I added “please” to my requests. Although it may not fit for the “echo,” politeness generally flows from respect, a “due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others.” Respect seems to have run on hard times today. Just watch the news or listen to our leaders.  Respect appears to be in short supply…and we’re suffering the consequences of that lack of respect. A lack of respect leads to rudeness at best and may even give rise to hatred and violence. Our communities would benefit from increased respect between people. That’s where our families can help. More respect in our communities and our world begins with more respect in the home, reciprocal respect between husband and wife and mutual respect between parent and child.  How can we begin to increase the respect within our homes and communities? We can begin by increasing the respect we show our family. So, let me offer a “baker’s dozen” of ways you can show respect to your spouse, child, or parent.

• Listen attentively to discover your family’s needs, desires, and concerns. Don’t stop with simply “hearing” their needs, desires, and concerns. Let those needs, desires, and concerns impact your choices and actions. When you do, they will know you listened.
• Accept influence from your spouse and children when they make a request or suggestion. When they make a request, don’t procrastinate. Get it done.
• Look for daily opportunities to express gratitude and appreciation to your family. When you see the opportunity, seize it. Tell them how much you appreciate them. Offer them thanks.
• Maintain confidentiality. If your spouse or children tell you something, keep it confidential. Remain trustworthy.
• When you have a legitimate complaint, couch it in words of love and offer a solution which you and the other person can act upon.
• Stop all forms of contempt. That includes contemptuous comments, contemptuous facial expressions like eye rolls, and contemptuous body language like walking away or slamming doors.
• Practice patience. The sacred pause of patience shows respect…and love.
• When family members make an honest mistake, respond with compassion and grace. After all, you may make the next mistake in the family.
• Acknowledge the contributions your family members make to maintaining family cohesion and a calm home environment. For instance, you can acknowledge chores completed, kindness offered, and ideas given.
• Accept family members’ opinions and ideas, even if they are different than your opinions and ideas.
• Support family members’ dreams and interests with your encouragement as well as information you might find.
• When you make a mistake, take personal responsibility. Apologize and commit to doing it differently next time.
• Offer forgiveness quickly.

Just an added note: I often hear people say, “I’ll respect them when they respect me.” However, we do not demand our loved ones earn respect. We give respect as an act of love. By respecting our family members, even when we don’t feel respected in return, we communicate our love and model a respect that they can imitate in the future.