We live in a new world because of technology. Our children were born into this technological world and, although they learn things we never had to learn, they also experience greater difficulty learning things we learned “by accident.” Let me share a few of the “accidental learnings” I think we learned before the age of technology.

• When we only had one land line and one TV (at best) in our homes, we were forced to think about the other people in our home. We couldn’t use the phone whenever we wanted to and for as long as we wanted. Instead, we had to anticipate the potential needs, desires, and frustrations of our family members. Maybe one of them was waiting for a call, so we “can’t be on the phone too long.” At times, we had to wait to use the phone because one of our family members was on a call before us and thus learned patience. We couldn’t watch anything on TV. We had to consider what “everyone wanted to watch” and make compromises. We “accidentally learned” to think about the needs of those around us and wait patiently for our turn.
• A land line also encouraged us to engage in conversation with the awareness that others might overhear us. We learned that we are not alone in this world. Our behaviors and our words impact other people in the world around us. We “accidentally learned” to adjust our behavior accordingly.
• Without cellphones and devices, we had to learn to entertain ourselves. There were times when we had nothing to do, and we had no device to capture our attention. Instead, we “accidentally learned” to let our minds wander, to think about random ideas or stories while we played outside or read a book. We learned to engage in imaginative play. We enacted imaginary scenarios, playing over future options or various roles. By doing this, we learned to manage our thoughts and keep them from straying into dangerous areas. We also learned to entertain ourselves rather than relying on social media accounts or video games to entertain us.
• When we did not have constant access to our friends through texting, social media accounts, and video chat accounts, we learned (by “accident,” so to speak) to plan ahead, strengthening those neural pathways important for thinking ahead. Today, we can walk out of one activity and contact a friend to determine what to do “now.” With constant access to one another, planning ahead has become no more than planning for the immediate moment.
• Without constant access to one another through devices, we also “accidentally learned” about commitment and the need to follow-through with plans made. We had to show up as planned. There was no way to contact our friend to change the plans. Anticipating how they might feel if we “stood them up” and out of respect for our friend, we committed to meeting them “as planned.” We “accidentally learned” the value of commitment and following-through.
• Today many children live extremely scheduled lives. They move from one supervised activity to another. There is little to no time for unsupervised, unscheduled, imaginative play. Without free, imaginative play, children get less opportunity to practice various roles in life. They do not grow “a head taller than themselves.” They miss out on “accidentally learning” greater perspective taking and emotional management skills through imaginative play.
• In this age of technology, counting change is another lost accidental learning. No longer do children learn how to give change (“That was $2.72 cents…73…74…75…3 dollars…4 dollars…5 dollars). Without handling money, embodying its value by counting it as you touch it and pass along, our children do not “accidentally learn” the value of money. It becomes a mere concept with no concrete value.

I’m sure there are more “lost accidental learnings” we could mention. Perhaps you can think of a few. However, the more important question becomes: How can we intentionally help our children learn these important lessons—to recognize they are not the only people in the world, to think about other people, to manage their thoughts, to entertain themselves, to plan ahead, to commit…even to have an embodied sense of the value of money?  How do you teach your children these important lessons?