Selfless Vs. The Power Grab
The power grab will destroy a family; yet we go for the power grab all the time. You hear it in the things we say. Things like:
- “I’m the head of this household.”
- “We can see who wears the pants in this family.”
- “The children run that family.”
We see the power play in action too. For instance, we refuse to do certain jobs we dislike or think of as “not my job.” We then delegate those jobs “beneath us” to the less powerful family members. On the other hand, we insist on doing other jobs since no one else does them well enough. Only “I” have the power and knowledge to do it right.
Unfortunately, the power grab does not make family life better. On the contrary, it causes conflict and strain in the family. When we delegate jobs we don’t like to other family members, they may get angry and even grow resentful over time. When we refuse to let others do certain jobs because “only I do it right,” we grow resentful for “having to do everything around here.”
There is an excellent alternative to the power grab, one that strengthens relationships and families. This alternative is summed up in one word: SELFLESS. “Selfless” is seen in several actions:
- Encouraging others. A selfless person sees other people in the family. Even more, they see when others have done something kind or gracious (like washing dishes, taking out garbage, putting in a good effort) and they acknowledge it with gratitude. They also see when another family member seems tired or overwhelmed, and they step in to help. How can they see all these things? Because they are selfless. They don’t have eyes that focus only on themselves but on others. They “only have eyes for you.”
- Serving others. Selfless people “look out for the needs of other” family members and serve them in an effort to meet those needs. Serving can be as simple as getting a drink or doing a chore. Or it can be as complex as caring for a sick family member. Whatever it is, serving starts from a position of selflessness.
- Apologizing flows from a selfless perspective. To apologize, a person has to be aware of how they offended another. They have to humble themselves to acknowledge their wrong and ask for forgiveness. What a vulnerable, selfless action. But an action that leads to greater harmony and intimacy.
- Forgiveness also reveals a selfless perspective. A selfless person looks at the one who offended and sees beyond the offence. They see what may have contributed to that offence, whether that be a positive intent gone awry or a misguided attempt to meet some underlying need. In a practice of selflessness, they see beyond the offence to have compassion for the person who offended them. This sets the stage for the selfless act of forgiveness.
Encourage one another. Serve one another. Apologize. Forgive. These four actions will end the power grab before the power grab destroys your family. These four actions will reveal a selflessness that will nurture greater intimacy and love in your family.
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