Every couple asks at least two questions of one another. The way in which we answer these two questions will either create a happy, lifetime marriage or a doomed marriage. Here’s the trick though. We ask these questions without ever saying the words. They are silently implied through our actions, interactions, and other questions.

The first question is: “Can I trust you?”

• When I ask you to do something, can I trust you to work on it?
• When your friends try to influence you to do something, can I trust you to accept my influence above the influence of your friends?
• Can I trust you to keep me as a priority above your friends?
• When you’re upset with me, can I trust you to still love me?
• I know you love your family, but can I trust you to make me the first priority in your life?
• When we are apart, can I trust you to remain faithful? 

The second question is very similar: “Are you there for me?”

• When I am sad or troubled, are you there for me?
• When I need help around the house, are you there for me?
• When I need someone to listen, are you there for me?
• When I want to just have fun with someone I love, are you there for me?
• When I need to talk, are you there for me?
• Are you there for me emotionally? Physically? Mentally?

The next time you find yourself in an argument with your spouse because the dishwasher was not unloaded, you need to answer your spouse’s unspoken question: “Are you there for me? Will you do your part to help keep our home.”

When you find yourself in a marital a battle over how much time you spend with your friends, you need to answer your spouse’s unspoken question: “Can I trust you? Or do I need to worry about you leaving me for your friends when I need you most?”

When time watching television, playing video games, or exercising becomes a source of conflict, answer the question: “Are you there for me? Or will the attention you give something else take you away from me?”

If you spouse seems to get upset and argue with you every time you talk about a coworker, you might want to answer the unspoken question: “Can I trust you? Do you talk about me with the same enthusiasm and adoration?” The list goes on, but you get the idea. “Can I trust you? Are you there for me?” Make sure the answer is clear.