“It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there.” The competition is brutal. In fact, you might have to step on a few people to make your way to the top. But everyone can’t be top of the hill, right?

Did you ever hear that message? I have. Do you ever act on this message, behave as though it is the gospel truth? When we do, people often get hurt. When it becomes a theme in our marriages and families, our loved ones get hurt. A “dog-eat-dog” mindset just doesn’t work in family.

Surely you and I don’t hold these beliefs and let them interfere with our families though, right? Or do we? Consider these few examples.

• We thrust our way into a conversation, maybe even talking over the other person because
  “my” ideas need to be heard. We may even feel as if they need to be believed above others. On Facebook we debate, look down on, and even belittle those who believe differently than “me” because “my” idea is obviously the right idea. 
• We see the last parking spot available, or the one closest to the door. Realizing only one person can have that parking space, we rush to beat the other guy to the space.
• Only one person can have the lead part in the play, so we spend countless hours working to crush the other guy in try outs. We even talk badly about the “competitions” performance in an attempt to sway others to view “my” performance as best.
• I need to get to my appointment on time even though I’m running late, so I cut off the other guy at the intersection even though he’s likely running behind as well.
• There is a line at the checkout counter, so I rush to get there first.

Yes, we all have taken on some of that “dog-eat-dog mentality” and so compete to be first in line, first to be noticed, first to be picked, first and foremost in everything. We invest our energy and our time to be the top dog, the best, the first. Unfortunately, we do this even within our families in subtle less direct ways.

• There is only one piece of pizza left and I’m hungry. Maybe someone else is to…no matter because “the early bird gets the worm.”
• One of us has to clean the kitty litter. If I just hold out long enough, my spouse will do it. (I guess this is more of a “cat-eats-cat” type example…oh well.)
• My favorite TV show is on at the same time as your TV show…as long as I get the remote first, I can watch mine on the better TV.

You get the idea. Even in family we allow a “dog-eat-dog mindset” to impact our relationships and how we interact with one another.  

When we do, we have less energy to invest in others. We become so busy investing in ourselves that we neglect to learn about other spouse or our children.  We devote so much time and energy in achieving our own desired ends that we have no energy left to build relationships. We expend so much energy competing that we have no energy or time left to share a kindness with our spouse, our child, our parent, our friend, our neighbor.

But love is kind. Love does not compete in order to come out on top. Love does not take up the banner of a “dog-eat-dog world.” Love is kind enough to invest time and energy in getting to know the other guy. Love is kind enough to give the last piece of pizza to another hungry family member…or shares it with another. Love kindly listens to understand and even seek common ground with the person who disagrees with us. Love shows a radical kindness that helps the competition do their best, even if the one who loves in this way “loses” in the process.

Love is kind. So, I have to ask…Would your family say you are kind?