On Memorial Day we remember those who currently serve, and have served, in the military to protect our freedom. Each year I seem to grow more grateful for the sacrifices military men and women have made to grant us the freedom to raise our families in peace. Benjamin Disraeli once said that “The legacy of heroes is the memory of a great name and the inheritance of a great example.” We enjoy a wonderful inheritance of freedom passed on through great sacrifices. We have the responsibility to follow the example of those heroes who helped make that inheritance possible…the responsibility to live a life that keeps freedom strong. In a way, we all need to live the life of a hero—a life that passes that legacy of freedom and example on to our children and our grandchildren; a life that gives our children a great name and a great inheritance; a life that accepts the responsibility that promotes freedom. Today, as we enjoy our families, take a moment to watch this Memorial Day Tribute entitled We Gave Our All—remember those who have made great sacrifices so we can celebrate with our families in peace, without fear. And, contemplate how you can pass this legacy along to your children and your grandchildren.
Archive for May 25, 2013
Are You Manipulated or Accepting of Your Child’s Emotion?
2 Ingredients for a Family Cycle of Joy
Do you want a family filled with joy? I do. I want to build a family that plays together, laughs together, enjoys one another’s company, and looks forward to family gatherings with joyful anticipation. If you want to have that kind of family, there are two things you need to know. First, a joyful family has a history. They have memories of joyful times. Joyful families have intentionally created opportunities to enjoy one another’s company and build joyful memories with family. They may have built joyful memories by playing games with one another or going on day trips with one another. Perhaps they shared adventures or went on vacations (long ones or short ones) together. Their joyful moments may have been as simple as sharing a favorite song on the radio or a funny story about the day…or as complex as learning a new skill together. The family of joy may have built joyful memories on small things or big things…either way they intentionally seized opportunities to experience fun and joy as a family. This history of family fun grows stronger and more secure as they share pictures of their fun times together and retell the stories of their joyful history. Whatever they found joyful, they shared. Whatever joyful moments they shared created a history of joy; and that history of joy became a foundation of trust and anticipation upon which to build new joyful moments.
Second, a joyful family has a future. Having that foundation of joy builds anticipation for future joyful experiences. A history of sharing joyful moments builds intimacy and trust. Each joyful moment pulled family bonds tighter and drew family members closer. Building on a history of joy allows each person to remain vulnerable and transparent with one another, open to new experiences of joyful interactions. A family who builds on a history of joy looks forward to a future filled with more laughter and fun.
Sandwiched between a history of joy and the future anticipation of joy, joyful families enjoy time with one another today. This all creates a wonderful cycle of joy, doesn’t it? The joy we have as a family today becomes our history of joy tomorrow…and that history of joy lays the foundation we need to anticipate the joy we can have tomorrow. Start the joyous cycle today by creating moments of joy right now.
4 Benefits of Negotiating with Your Child
· We teach our children the skills of planning and thinking ahead. Discussing negotiable aspects of limits helps them think about what might happen; the potential consequences of various decisions; and the impact of those consequences. Imagine how much pain and trouble our children can avoid by learning to think ahead as they navigate through young adulthood.
· We teach our children the skill of “give and take.” All conversation involves “give and take” as we share ideas and information. Living with a roommate or a spouse, having a successful work relationship with a fellow-employee, developing a positive involvement in the community…these all involve give and take. Negotiating boundaries helps a child learn the skill of “give and take” through parent-child interactions in a safe environment.
· We teach our children to “get control of themselves.” As we take the time to negotiate specifics around limits, we teach our children to respect our perspective and to respectfully consider other peoples’ perspectives in the future. We teach them how to show that respect in giving of themselves in areas of negotiable limits, not on the non-negotiable boundary…to control the impulse to give in and stand firm in the non-negotiable limits and values of life.
Take a moment and consider the non-negotiable limits you have for your children. Then, think about all the specific, negotiable boundaries that support that limit. As your children mature, take the time to negotiate those changing boundaries and watch your child grow.
What Do “Twinkle Twinkle,” Oxytocin, & the Sacculus Have in Common With Family?
How To Discipline Your Little Einstein
· When your children misbehave and a consequence is appropriate, act immediately. When you act immediately to discipline misbehavior, the consequence becomes linked to the misbehavior and will help your children think twice the next time.
· On the other hand, when your children behave well, let them know right away. Link the consequence of attention, acknowledgement, and validation to positive behavior by responding immediately and specifically to good effort and behavior.
Disciplining children can prove challenging. By acting quickly, remaining consistent, and responding in a way that promotes positive behavior, your little scientist will learn that good behavior gets them want they want more often than not…and with that knowledge they will behavior more often, too.