If you have sons, you know they can be a handful. They’re constantly on the go and full of energy. In fact, boys are wired to learn through experiential play and activity, especially in their younger years. They learn by touching, moving, and interacting. Running around, picking up frogs, sticks, & rocks, building ramps for their skateboards, climbing trees…through these activities and activities like them, boys learn their physical limits, how to negotiate and compromise, basic biology and physiology, even physics. Yes, they can engage in some impulsive, even risky behaviors. (Like this video of a young boy butting heads with a goat.) As a result, parents have a responsibility to direct their sons’ energy in healthy directions. Still, overall, boys are active, adventurous risk-takers.

In fact, when we try to suppress a boy’s energy rather than focus it in a healthy direction, they develop high levels of cortisol, a stress hormone that contributes to a person’s fight or flight response. This increase in cortisol could result in them becoming more aggressive, distractable, fidgety, and irritable. This, in turn, can contribute to a negative self-concept.

What does all this mean for parents of boys?

First, know that sitting in school all day is hard for many boys. They may come home “wound up,” bounding about with a high level of activity or agitation. It might help ease the transition home from school if you allow time and space for your son to engage in some physical activity. Let them run and jump and play in the dirt. Take time to play catch, shoot some baskets, go for a bike ride.

Second, if you want to have a good conversation with your son, consider having it while engaged in some activity, like playing catch or building something. Boys are often better able to process conversation while engaged in some simple activity or while taking a break during an activity.

Third, provide time for your son to engage in physical activity every day. Encourage them to “go outside and play.” Take time to engage in active play with them.

Fourth, boys love to take risks. A parent’s job is not to protect them from all risk, but to direct their energy in a positive, safe direction. Provide a safe space for your sons to engage in activities.

“Boys will be boys” is not an excuse for inappropriate, impolite, reckless behavior. However, it is information. It informs us of the need to provide time and space for our sons to engage in physical activity.