A family ought to be a place where each person feels they belong. Each person—mother, father, son, daughter, young, and old—needs to know they belong, that they are accepted and valued by one another. Having that sense of belonging in the home helps us navigate the world with greater confidence and assurance. It empowers us to share more kindness and compassion. So how can we create an environment in which each family member feels as though they belong? 

• Reach out to one another. Reach out with a word of encouragement or a pat on the back. Reach out to greet one another each day. Take time to have a meaningful conversation about the day’s events or anticipated events. Bring home a little gift. Reach out physically and verbally to let your family members know you think of them, care for them, and desire to spend time with them.
• Welcome your family into your presence. When your spouse walks into the room, smile at them. Let your children see the joy in your face—the smile and the twinkling of the eye—that communicates the delight you experience when you see them. Offer a hug and even a kiss upon returning home from work or school or play. You might even have a secret handshake or inside joke to welcome one another.
• Be quick to hear and slow to judge. When something goes wrong, don’t jump the gun and begin to blame the other person. If your child fails a test, don’t assume the worst. If your spouse doesn’t call to tell you they’ll home late, don’t jump the gun, yell, assume the worst. Talk to them. Even if you’re angry and upset, take time to listen. Genuinely listen. Find out what happened. Remember, you’re a family.
• Share stories. Share stories of fun times together. Such stories build a history of joy and gratitude. Share stories of shared experiences. Stories of shared experiences remind us that we’re in this together, sharing our lives. Share stories of adversity. Stories of adversity let everyone know we’re all part of the “human race.”
• Give wise and polite feedback. We don’t have to agree on everything. We can disagree as long as we do so politely, wisely, and with civility. We can even give constructive, loving criticism when we speak it in love with wisdom and civility. In fact, sharing loving criticism with the acknowledgment that we are sharing out of high standards we hold for ourselves and those we love can actually help people feel they belong and promote a desire to improve.

We all want to know we belong…and family is a place to which we have the greatest desire to belong. Implement these 5 practices into your family and build that sense of belonging for each family member. When you do, each one will feel more secure in the family and in themselves. They will grow in their confidence. They will grow in their ability to love.