Parents love their children, right? If you’re reading this blog, I’m sure you love your children. I love my children. But…sometimes our actions don’t reveal the depth of our love. Our love gets divided along with our attention. Let me explain by drawing your attention to a study published in Frontiers in Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. This study involved three groups of parent-child pairs who were asked to play together for ten minutes.

• In one group, they played with no disruption.
• In the second group, they played but the parent had to fill out a paper questionnaire halfway through the playtime. The parent continued to interact with their children while filling out the questionnaire, but their attention was divided.
• In the third group, the parent had to fill out a questionnaire using a tablet halfway through the playtime. These parents also continued to interact with their children while filling out the questionnaire.

Guess what the researchers discovered. When parents were distracted, the quality and quantity of the interaction with their child decreased. They could not give their children the same amount or quality of attention when distracted by filling out a questionnaire. Their attention was split. In addition, distracted parents were less sensitive to their children’s attempts at communication. Their children, as a result, showed less social involvement toward their parent. Not really surprising, right?

In addition, when children feel as though their parent is not attending to them, they may begin to engage in negative behaviors to gain their attention. They need their parents’ attention to feel safe and secure in their relationship with their parents.

If the attention of parents is consistently distracted away from their children, their children may begin to question how much their parents value them. They may begin to feel less valuable than whatever holds their parents’ attention. This will further impact the parent-child relationship and the child’s behavior.

Parents, we cannot focus on two things at one time. One of the two things will get the short stick. Our children will interpret this as “you loving one and not the other.”  So put away the distractions when you are with your children. Engage them fully, without distraction. You’ll increase the intimacy in your relationship. You’ll increase their sense of value. And you’ll teach them to do the same for you.