The power to overcome… isn’t that a wonderful gift to give our children? Wouldn’t you love to instill in your children the confidence, intelligence, problem-solving ability, and persistence to overcome? Looking at the society around us may raise doubts as to whether this can be done. On the other hand, it may increase your desire to find a way to do it. Well, I have good news. You CAN give your children the power to overcome. A study published in January, 2021, suggests two ways you can give this gift to your child: 1) engage in responsive caregiving and 2) provide your children with learning opportunities. 

Responsive caregiving involves listening not only with our ears but with our eyes and heart as well. When our children verbally express a need, responsive parents respond to them in light of the true need, their request. If they ask for food in response to hunger, we provide nutrition not a device on which to play a game. We hear their request and match our response to their request. But sometimes our children may not know how to clearly verbalize their need. So, we have to listen with our eyes as well as our ears. For instance, our children might communicate their hunger through “hangry” behavior. Better to respond with food instead of sending them to bed. They might communicate a need for attention by “getting under your skin” with “attention-seeking behavior.” Better to “see” what they’re saying” through their behavior and spend some meaningful time with them rather than simply scolding them. In other words, responsive caregiving “looks” beyond the behavior to the true need and responds to that need.

At other times, a responsive caregiver needs to listen with their heart more than their ears. They learn to recognize their child’s sadness, joy, discomfort through their actions, their tone of voice, their facial expressions. A responsive parent responds to that emotion. They celebrate their child’s efforts and successes. They grieve with their child over disappointments, even if they believe that childhood disappointments are small compared to adult disappointments. They share in their child’s anger, even accepting anger aimed at them. When a responsive parent acknowledges and accepts their child’s emotions, their child feels cared for and valued.

A responsive parent also provides opportunities for learning. One of the best ways to provide an opportunity for our children to learn is by engaging them in activities like cooking with them, letting them come shopping with you, reading together. Another great way to provide your children with the opportunity to learn is with “passive toys,” toys with which the child determines how to play. For instance, a big cardboard box is a wonderful toy and can be used to tumble down a hill, make into an imaginary boat or plane, fill with interesting leaves found in the yard, or whatever their imagination allows. Other great passive toys include make-believe clothing that allow children to dress up as firemen, royalty, or whatever else they desire. Such toys provide wonderful opportunities to learn about the world around them, their emotions, social skills, and relationship management. According to the study noted above, providing responsive parenting and opportunities to learn actually contributed to children learning the power to overcome. They decreased the impact of adversities on the children and exhibited a positive effect on their IQ and social adjustment. Sounds like a great return on a simple investment in your children, doesn’t it?  It’s an investment well worth the effort.