We live in a fast-paced world. We use “fast acting pain relief,” complain about a slow internet, and microwave our food. On the other hand, healthy marriages do not happen quickly. You can’t throw your marriage into a microwave for 30 seconds and have a healthy, fully developed marriage pop out. No. Healthy marriages require time. They are built on intimate communication, and intimate communication is a “slow cooker activity.” Intimate communication demands more than the “140 characters allowed.” It requires “unlimited characters.” You just can’t microwave (or text) good communication. Good communication needs time to simmer. It needs time for all the ingredients to mix and grow into a more nuanced understanding.

In other words, if you want a healthy, life-long marriage you need to intentionally and proactively communicate on a regular basis. Set aside at least 30-60 minutes every day to converse with your spouse, to talk openly and honestly. You may think that sounds like a long time to fit into your already busy schedule. If so, you may need to consider what priority your marriage holds in your life. Is your marriage more important than the 30-minute sitcom you watch? Or the 30 minutes you spend on social media? Consider how you might adjust your schedule and activities to truly reflect the value your marriage holds in your life.

You may also wonder what you will talk about for a full 30-60 minutes a day. Start by pouring yourself and your spouse a cup of tea or coffee. Then, pull up a chair and consider some of the following topics.

• Recall how you met as a couple? What attracted you to one another? Reminisce about your first date, your first kiss, and your overall time dating one another.
• What’s going on at work? What are the best and the worst things happening at work?
• Your best childhood memories. Your worst childhood memories.
• Your dream vacation as a couple and as a family?
• What would you like to do as a couple the first day all your children are in school or when they all begin college?
• Reminisce about the best trip/vacation you’ve had as a family or as a couple.
• Talk about the news and your personal thoughts and feelings related to a particular news item. Consider ways you might respond as a couple to the struggles brought to light in the news.
• Share things you have been reading or learning about on your own.
• Talk about your spouse’s hobby and what about that hobby excites them.

Really the possibilities are limitless. Allow your curiosity to lead you into the journey of knowing your spouse. Take your time, let the conversation “cook slowly,” and feast on the love that grows.