H.A.L.T. Family Conflict

A study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences in April, 2014, showed one source of conflict and aggression in marriage: glucose levels. Specifically, the lower the level of glucose in a person’s blood, the higher the level of aggressive impulses and the more likely they were to “blast their spouse” with a more intense and prolonged irritating noise. In other words, hunger can contribute to greater conflict and possibly even aggression. Reading this study reminded me of an important principle of healthy marriages and overall family life: Do not argue when you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired (H.A.L.T.). Another way of stating this principle is: Eat healthy, resolve anger quickly, develop healthy friendships, and establish healthy sleep hygiene for a healthy marriage and happy family. Briefly consider each of these principles.

  • Eat healthy rather than going hungry and devouring one another with irritability and harsh words. The study cited above highlights the need to eat healthy. A healthy diet can decrease agitation and irritation. It improves a person’s ability to learn. It also offers a great opportunity for the family to come together and build family relationships. (For more on the benefits of a healthy diet read Mom Was Right Again and Project Mealtime: A Sacred Expression of Love.)
  • Resolve anger quickly so no bitterness takes root and chokes out your family relationships. Unresolved anger lingers and bursts out at the most inopportune moments, damaging relationships and hurting feelings. For the sake of your marriage and family, resolve anger quickly. (Read Finish Your Family Business for more.)
  • Develop healthy friendships rather than trying to micromanage the lives of your spouse and children. If we intrude into the lives of our spouse or children by making them live our dream or shape their lives around our emotional needs, they may rebel against us, our ideals, and our values. Each person needs to develop their individual lives so they have more to bring to the relationship. Each person needs to develop friendships that allow them the opportunity to grow, learn, and resolve. (Check out Get Your Own Life; Leave Me Alone! to learn the benefit of this for your teen.)
  • Establish healthy sleep hygiene or you will find yourself too tired to invest energy into establishing healthy relationships. Sleep supports the immune system, facilitates learning, and improves mood. We have all seen our children grumpy because they’re tired. We have likely experienced our own grumpiness when tired. So, build healthy sleep habits into the fabric of your family. The whole family will benefit. (Click to learn about Your Teen & the Importance of Sleep and Prime Your Children for a Good School Day.)

H.A.L.T. family conflict. Eat a healthy diet. Resolve anger quickly. Develop friendships. Establish healthy sleep hygiene.

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