Mothers are powerful. They have a powerful influence in their children’s lives that begins early and lasts a lifetime. Consider the results of a study conducted at the Laboratory for Stress Assessment and Research at UCLA. This study followed children from 3-years-old through 17-years-old. The researchers assessed maternal warmth when the child was 3-year-old, followed by assessing socially safe the children perceived the world to be at 14-years-old, and their overall physical and psychological health at 17-years-old. In this study, maternal warmth was defined as more frequent praise, more frequent positive tone of voice, and more frequent acts of affection. The results show the power of mothers to impact their children over time.

Specifically, children with mothers who exhibited more maternal warmth came to perceive the world as more socially safe at 14-years-old. This, in turn, contributed to them experiencing fewer physical health problems, less psychological distress, and fewer psychiatric problems at 17-years-old.  

Ironically, maternal harshness did not predict children’s perception of social safety at 14-years-old nor their physical and mental health at 17-years-old. In other words, maternal warmth and affection proved more powerful than maternal harshness.

Based on these findings, if you would like your infant or toddler to mature in the healthiest way possible, to have the confidence to explore the world, and experience greater physical and mental health, begin now by:  

• Sharing healthy physical affection. Share a hug good-bye, a hug good night, a hug just because. Hold your toddler’s hand when you walk. Hold them in your lap to watch TV or when they feel frightened. Share some time snuggling as you watch TV or prepare to go to sleep. Share healthy physical affection. (Here are 6 reasons to hug your family, especially your children.)
• Acknowledge positive behaviors. When your child listens, thank them. When they complete a task you ask them to do, acknowledge they did it. As they engage in chores or help around the house, acknowledge the helpful contribution they make, thank them for their time. Praise their efforts to do things that are challenging. Acknowledge their thoughtfulness and their acts of kindness. Take little “acknowledgement snap shots” throughout the day, as often as you can. Just a simple statement like, “You cleaned your dish off. Thank you” is all you need.
• Laugh with your children. Tell jokes. Watch funny videos. Laugh at your own silly mistakes. Laughter can help you keep your voice tone positive more often. And laughter can help you bond with your child. Moms might even tell a “dad joke” now and again to help increase the laughter.
• Replace complaining with gratitude in your life. Rather than complain about traffic, express gratitude for your car and the opportunity to interact with your children while in the car. Rather than grumble about the weather, express gratitude for the benefits of the sun and the rain, the heat and the cold. You get the idea. Replacing complaints with gratitude will also help you keep your voice tone positive more often.

Start these practices early in your children’s lives and practice them often. They will help increase your children’s sense of safety and their physical and mental health in their teens. Even more, as you engage in these practices, they will shape the environment in your home. Your home will become a place of affection, praise, laughter, and gratitude. That makes for a joyous home today as well as contributing to a positive impact on your child’s future. It’s a win/win. A win for today and a win for tomorrow.