Marriage is precious. In fact, our marriages thrive when we elevate them and honor them as precious. When we commit to our marriages above all other relationships, including relationships with other people as well as relationships with substances or material desires, we set them apart as precious.

A study completed by Christian Hem and Caroline Hem, asked 180 couples from 42 countries who had been married at least 40 years about the biggest threats to their marriage and how they “stayed together” to overcome these threats.  Their answers identified several ways we can protect our marriages by treating them as precious. The top five ways they identified assure our marriages remain precious…and healthy…and strong. I wanted to share them with you.

1. Learn to communicate well. No real surprise here, right? Communication is essential in any healthy, long-term, satisfying marriage. Learning to communicate can prove challenging. It begins with listening deeply to your spouse. Don’t just listen to the words, listen to the intent and the emotion behind the words. Then, after listening, respond. Don’t leave your spouse’s words hanging in silence. Respond…lovingly, appropriately, wisely.
2. Draw closer as a couple. How? One great way to draw closer as a couple is to engage in activities together. Play together. Cook together. Exercise together. Dance together…the list goes on. You can also draw closer as a couple by talking about current events together. Don’t let current events become the only topic of conversation though. Enjoy talking about your hobbies, your favorite foods, dreams, and other things you enjoy. In addition, share a meal together every day. Go for walks together. Take a vacation. Have fun. Of course, worshipping and praying together also draws us together as a couple.
3. Persevere together. Every couple will have times of struggle. We all go through difficult times. These difficult times can be as little as the struggle to set up the family tent for the first time or as complex as the loss of a loved one. Turn toward one another and support one another through these difficult times. Throughout the struggle, turn toward one another for support, encouragement, and comfort.
4. Prioritize your relationship. Make your marriage a priority. Practically speaking, this means making time for your marriage. Make it a daily habit to spend time talking to your spouse. Put a weekly date night on your schedule if possible. If not, schedule a date night at least one time a month. Pick out activities you both enjoy and do them together. Before committing to an activity with friends or a volunteer group, check in with your spouse and talk about the time commitment. How might the time commitment of that activity impact your relationship? Keep your relationship in the forefront of your mind whenever you make plans with friends, families, or community groups. Keep your marriage a priority.
5. Sacrifice individual wants. When we prioritize our relationship, we even place it above our individual “wants.” We “do not look out only for our own personal interests but also for the interests of [others] our spouse.” “Sacrifice activates our care-giving” and enables us to protect our spouse and foster their growth as well as our own. Sacrifice expresses the depth of our love. And it contributes to a healthier marriage that actually promotes greater individual fulfilment and growth as well. 

Notice that all these actions lean into the relationship, focusing on the “we” of the relationship rather than “me.” They contribute to a “we” approach to your relationship rather than an individual approach. They set your marriage apart as precious. Begin practicing them today and enjoy a stronger, healthier, more satisfying marriage.