We live in a time of clutter that interferes with our life and our family life. I’m not just talking about the clutter of stuff either. It’s true that too much stuff can clutter our lives and our families’ lives. It takes up the physical spaces in our homes and can contribute to a feeling of being overwhelmed and “closed in.” When children find a clutter of toys and books in the home, it impinges on their ability to choose and calmly invest in activities. They may run from toy to toy, book to book in a frenetic attempt to choose among the overwhelming number of options (and over 4-5 options can become overwhelming). The clutter of stuff also costs money as we rent storage spaces to keep it or park our car outside in the elements so the garage can store the extra stuff. The clutter of stuff sucks up time needed to care for it as well. Yes, the clutter of stuff interferes with the physical and emotional space of our lives. But I’m talking about more than just the clutter of stuff.

Families also have to contend with the clutter that fills our minds. Social media and information apps fill our minds 24/7/365 with information. The amount of information that clutters our mind can prove overwhelming for anyone. However, it can become traumatic as well as overwhelming for children and young teens as they see the images of starving children, bombed out buildings, war torn neighborhoods, hateful interactions…the list goes on. It’s overwhelming. In addition, the clutter that fills our minds becomes a time robber. Doom scrolling robs us of time but so does mindlessly scrolling for the next funny video. Yes, the clutter of information fills our minds, robs us of time, and impacts us mentally and emotionally.

Families can also become overwhelmed with time cluttered with activities and responsibilities. We rush from activity to activity, responsibility to responsibility. We have sports, dance, theatre, community involvement, religious involvement, school, work, daily chores of cooking, shopping, cleaning, laundry, yard care…you see the predicament. Some of these activities and responsibilities are good, even necessary. But they also clutter the time in our lives and the space in our minds. Our time is cluttered with activities and responsibilities, leaving no time to relax or interact. Intimacy is hindered. Relaxation is non-existent. We suffer emotionally, relationally, and physically.

If you feel the weight of clutter in your family’s life, let me suggest four actions you can take.

1. Assess your priorities. Take a moment to determine what is truly important in your life and your family life. When people in late adulthood are asked about the most satisfying and important aspects of their lives, they tend to focus on family and relationships. I would suggest that when we are truly honest with ourselves we discover that our priorities focus around family and intimate relationships. Other priorities include living with peace of mind and joy. As you consider your priorities, take time to determine which activities contribute to those priorities and which take away from those priorities. Does involvement in three sports increase family intimacy and peace of mind or does it merely increase family stress while decreasing opportunities to develop family intimacy?
2. Set healthy boundaries and limits. After you have assessed your priorities and how various activities fit into those priorities, learn to say “no” to those things that don’t fit into your current values and priorities. Saying “no” to something does not necessarily mean forever. It means “for now I choose to focus in a different area.” “No” also opens the door for other “yes’s.” Saying “no” to an extra activity or responsibility is a “yes” to the time needed to relax and grow closer to family. Saying “no” means “yes” to more time to do those things which you have deemed a priority.
3. Learn to enjoy the quiet. Our society runs high on adrenaline. When you first start saying “no” you may go through an “adrenaline detox.” Give yourself time to do so. While you do, learn to enjoy daily times of quiet. During that quiet-time you can read, listen to music, or pray. You can also take a walk with a family member, enjoy a conversation, and delight in one another’s company. A great way to help you enjoy quiet time involves turning off the technology for a period of time. A wonderful family “quiet time” might include a relaxed dinner with family and without technology. These times open the door for intimate conversation about one another’s lives.
4. Develop healthy sleep hygiene. Rather than scrolling the night away, develop a healthy bedtime routine. Enjoy some rest and start a fresh day tomorrow. As you declutter your space, mind, and time you will find yourself more relaxed. You will be able to sleep better. You’ll have more energy, patience, and the internal resources necessary to listen closely and develop deeper relationships.

Declutter your family life and enjoy the benefits of a more restful home environment and deeper relationships.