An old proverb tells us that “curiosity killed the cat.” Fortunately, our children are not cats because they ca ask “why” incessantly. But in actuality, curiosity helps children learn and grow, even survive. It contributes to more positive emotions and less anxiety. It leads to higher achievement as well as stronger, healthier relationships (see Six Surprising Benefits of Curiosity for more). With that in mind, I’d like to nurture my children’s curiosity but I’m curious as to how.  Scott Shigeoka has a suggestion. He suggests teaching our children (and ourselves) to DIVE.

Detach from the assumptions, biases, and certainties you might cling to. Challenge your assumptions with alternative explanations and possibilities. For instance, if your friend shows up late, detach from the assumption that they don’t care or don’t respect your time. Consider the possibility of traffic, a minor emergency, or a previous appoint going longer than expected. Then, when you see them, ask. In other words, don’t jump to conclusions or assume the worst. Don’t become rigid in your assumptions and thoughts. Challenge yourself to think the best of others. Examine your beliefs and thoughts to assure their accuracy and truth. Be curious.

Intend to practice curiosity. Be intentional in your practice of curiosity. Be deliberate. This will involve nurturing a mindset that purposefully practices curiosity.  Think about questions you might ask another person. Visualize how you might interact in a loving, curious manner. If you have a disagreement or conflict, intentionally begin to explore areas of agreement that might exist and how you might express curiosity about the other person’s point of view.

Value other people. We tend to become more curious about those things and people we value. It’s hard to show curiosity about those things we just don’t care about. So intentionally recognize the inherent dignity in people, including yourself. Acknowledge their inherent value. Recognize that people are complex being with families, joys, struggles, personalities, beliefs, likes, and dislikes…just like you. When you recognize another’s complexity and acknowledge their dignity and value, you can more easily choose to understand rather than judge and love rather than ignore.

Embrace your life, especially the hard times. Embracing the hard times reminds us to get curious about those things that arouse our fears, like changes and transitions that happen around us and in us throughout our lives. Too many times we shut down and dig in when changes occur. This can lead to defensiveness, fighting, or shutting down, all of which hinder our relationships. Embrace the change by getting curious about what it means, what possibilities it carries, what you can learn about yourself and others.

The best way to teach your children to DIVE into curiosity is to practice it yourself. DIVE in and begin to get curious. You will discover great benefits for you and your children, like greater connection, deeper intimacy, less anxiety, and more joy. Sounds good, doesn’t it? Go ahead. Get curious and find out if these results really happen.