Do you ever begin to feel overwhelmed with the busyness of your schedule? I know I do. In fact, right now I’m feeling a little overwhelmed trying to get everything done amidst the “one too many” commitments I’ve made. During those times, our families suffer. They suffer from our lack of availability and presence in their lives. We also suffer with our family by missing out on a growing sense of intimacy and closeness.

There is one thing you can do to help prevent this from happening. In fact, a well-delivered single word can help prevent the number of times you feel overwhelmed. This one word can help you maintain the time needed to love your family with your full presence—your physical, emotional, and mental presence. What is this powerful word? What word can allow you the time you need to care for yourself and love your family? “NO.” Yes, that’s right. “NO.” Yes, I know it’s hard to say “no” sometimes. We struggle to do so for at least two reasons.

One, we really want to do things. We want to help others. We want to enjoy various activities. We want to travel. We want…. But we can’t do it all. At some point we have to sit down and do the hard work of determining our priorities. We have to decide what is truly most important in our lives. Of course, family will like fall in the top two priorities on our values list (your relationship with God may fall higher) because our children’s future depends on our making them a priority, as does the happiness and longevity of our marriage. Really, our happiness hinges, in great part, on our family happiness. So, keep family within the top two spots of your priority list.

Two, we fear how other people will respond to our “no.” We fear the ramification of our “no” on our relationships. We fear our friends will be angry or disappointed if we say no. We assume they won’t understand and will quit inviting us because of the one time we said “no.” We fear the other person will feel rejected. However, studies suggest we “overestimate the social consequences of saying no.” In fact, other people (like our friends and family) often consider the thoughts we struggle with behind the “no.” You know… thoughts like “I would really like to go but I’m so busy” or “I already made another commitment and I just can’t back out” or “I would really like to do this, but I’m so exhausted I need to rest before I get sick.” In reality, our friends will understand our occasional “no’s” and respect the boundaries of healthy self-care and family care that we establish by saying “no.”  

Overall, a kind and polite “no” will nurture greater self-care, stronger family ties, and even a deeper understanding in friendship. So go ahead and say “no” when you’re feeling it. Friends will understand. Your family will rejoice to have you present with them. Everyone will benefit.