Have you ever taken the quiz to discover your love language? Have you ever discussed love languages with your spouse? I have and it has proven helpful. In fact, the concept of love languages can help a married couple communicate love to one another more effectively. But the concept of “love languages” does have its drawbacks. For one thing, most people speak more than one language. In fact, one author suggests that love is more like a menu than a language. We experience love in more ways than five languages might suggest. Even among the five love languages we often enjoy hearing that we are loved in more than one language. After all, who doesn’t enjoy “quality time” as well as “words of affirmation” and “acts of service.” Each language expresses love in a unique way and may be appropriate at different times. Like ordering at a restaurant—sometimes we might enjoy a “gift” as an appetizer followed by a big helping of “quality time” for the main course and some “physical touch” for dessert. At other times we might just enjoy the chef’s special, “words of affirmation” as the whole meal. All in all, we value many forms of love. We like to receive them all.

More than learning a singly language, love involves responsiveness to our spouse or family member. Love varies based on the need of the current moment, the context, and the situation. Sometimes a person may feel loved by the flowers we bring home to cheer them up. At other times, love may be better expressed by sitting quietly with a person in their pain or by assuming some of their workload when they are overwhelmed. All in all, love is best expressed by our daily, consistent effort to respond to the other person’s need in the moment.

When we practice remaining aware of our spouse’s daily joys, struggles, needs, and strengths, we are opening a menu with a plethora of ways to share love. It may come through emotional support, mutual celebration, or a moment to rest alone as well as gifts, physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, or quality time. You may find the greatest expression of love comes through playful interactions, practical support, taking responsibility for mistakes, encouragement of your spouse’s goals…or any number of other possible expressions of love.

I invite you to open the menu of love expressions by paying attention to your spouse. Remain aware of their desires, needs, joys, and struggles. Respond to them based on your observation and awareness. Open the menu every day because it changes from time to time due to changing situations at home and work, contexts and places in which you find yourself, and the evolving life you live together. Most importantly, enjoy the feast of love you can share as you respond to the menu of your spouse’s love.