We see the untamed dragon of jealousy rear its head for the first time in the story of Cain and Abel. Although Cain and Abel both present their offering to God, Abel, according to the writer of Hebrews, made his offering in faith. He made his offering from the conviction that the word of God had called the universe into existence, that God’s commands are creative.

Cain, on the other hand, did not make his offering in faith. Cain gave his offering from a position of obligation rather than a faithful response of love to the One believed to have provided it all (1 John 3:11-12). As a result, God was pleased with Abel’s offering, but not Cain’s. He accepted Abel’s offering because it flowed from faith and love, but He did not accept Cain’s offering as it was given in faithless obligation.

At the crossroads of acceptance and nonacceptance, of actions offered in love and actions offered in obligation, we meet the untamed dragon of jealousy. Cain becomes jealous of God’s positive regard for Abel’s offering. This jealousy turned to anger as the untamed dragon of jealousy began to breath fires of anger.

Interestingly, God intervenes by speaking to Cain. “Why are you letting the dragon of jealousy breath the fires of anger? Do well. Make your offering in faith and you will be lifted up. Otherwise, sin crouches at your door. Sin longs to possess you. You have to master it; or it will devour you.” In other words, you have to tame the dragon before the dragon possesses you.

Cain did not tame the dragon. Cain let the dragon run wild in his thoughts until, in anger, he murdered his brother.

We must tame the dragon of jealousy, or it will possess us like it possessed Cain. Untamed, the dragon of jealousy will lead us to murder the intimacy of our marriages, the reputation of ourselves, and, if you go as far as Cain, even our spouses. But how do we tame the dragon crouching at the door?

• Nurture love for your spouse. Everyday look for those things you admire and adore in your spouse. Consider how your spouse contributes to making your house a home and your life a joy. Recall those aspects of your spouse’s character that you cherish and the times you have laughed together. Remember the struggles you have overcome together and how they have provided you with comfort and support through those struggles. Each of these begins to nurture a love for your spouse. But don’t stop there. In gratitude and admiration of your spouse, be available to them. Spend time building joyous moments together. Be present during times of struggle to offer support and comfort. As you do, the dragon of jealousy is tamed.
• Nurture trust in your spouse. Trust is built on those “tiny threads that sew us together,” the small daily actions of love. Once again, this includes the habit of daily seeking opportunities to express admiration for your spouse. Another thread that sews trust into a relationship is gratitude. Make it a vital part of your marriage to express gratitude for your spouse and the things your spouse does on a daily basis. Engage in “little acts of kindness” toward your spouse—get them a drink, clean the floor, put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser, pick up your socks, cook a meal, hold a door open, let them control the remote…the list of kindnesses are endless. Each act of kindness sews trust deeper into your relationship. Hold hands. Hug. Kiss…because physical affection sews trust into yoru relationship as well. As you sew trust into your relationship, you tame the dragon of jealousy.
• Nurture celebration for your spouse. Celebration helps to tame the dragon of jealousy as well. Celebrate special days like birthdays and anniversaries. Some people hesitate to celebrate days like Valentine’s Day because “my spouse knows I love them” or “it’s just a holiday for Hallmark.” But I suggest you celebrate anyway. What’s wrong with making your love for your spouse more evident with a card and a small gift? In fact, celebrate your love by making it explicit every chance you get. You can do so with a card, a note, a text, a phone call, and, most importantly, the spoken word. Celebrate achievements and successes. You can also celebrate by worshipping together. Celebrate by enjoying a date night as often as you can. Celebrate by taking a vacation or taking a walk while holding hands. Laugh. Play. Celebrate. It will tame the dragon of jealousy.