We often communicate with one another by using words. Words, however, do much more than simply express our thoughts and share information. Words shape the way we think; and, spoken at the right times, words rewire our brains. For instance, positive feedback activates the reward centers in the brain and creates positive emotions, increasing the likelihood we will continue in the activities that elicited the positive praise. More than that, activating these reward centers on a consistent basis (for instance, with consistent acknowledgement or encouragement) will help a person develop greater resilience, enhance creativity, and improve cognitive flexibility. Positive verbal feedback activates the reward centers of the brain, strengthening the neural connections that enhance learning, motivation, and performance. With this in mind, you can imagine how important our words become. Everyone benefits when we speak thoughtfully and carefully, when we “do not let any unwholesome word come out of our mouths, but say only what is helpful for building others up, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29), especially with our children and our family.

With this in mind, let our words be wholesome and encouraging. Acknowledge effort. Provide positive feedback. Gently and lovingly correct. Each time we do, we strengthen the neural circuits that promote positive self-concepts, the joy of learning, and motivation to grow.

Speak thoughtfully and timely. It takes wisdom to know “there is a time to speak and time to remain silent.” If we remain silent when praise is called for or speak only to criticize and correct, we activate stress circuits in the brain, impair creativity, and contribute to fear and doubt.

Similarly, a good word spoken at the “wrong time” will fall on deaf ears, disrupting trust and interfering with learning. A good work spoken in a “wrong tone” can interfere with learning and relationships as well. For instance, saying “of course I love you” in a sarcastic, dismissive tone will raise doubts and fears in our children.

Our families live with our words echoing in their minds long after we are gone. Let those words be words that activate the reward circuits and the comfort circuits of their brains, not the stress circuits. Let your words be words that rewire your family members’ brains in positive ways, transforming them into people of confidence and love.