Have you ever felt lonely as a parent? I know we don’t like to talk about it; but, if you’ve ever felt lonely as a parent, you are not alone. At least one survey suggests that up to 66% of parents experienced feelings of isolation and loneliness. In addition, 38% felt they had no one to support them in their role as a parent and a full 79% would value a way to connect with other adults outside of work and home. These numbers surprised me at first, but then I thought about the impact of becoming a parent on our social lives.

When we become parents, we are suddenly faced with a multitude of unfamiliar tasks. It’s like we’ve just changed jobs—how we do our everyday tasks changes when we have children and new tasks get added to our “to-do list.” Our role shifts from individual and partner to parent and caretaker, forcing us to relearn our role in the family and community. Our relationship with our partner changes as we both have to get to know one another again in our new roles as co-parents, not just as a married couple. We even have to become acquainted and build a relationship with our baby, who we are meeting for the first time.

Exhausted and feeling overwhelmed, we long for recognition for our hard work in caring for this new person in our lives. We struggle to balance the chores of co-parenting with the nurturing of our marital relationship and the completing regular housework and our continuing work and community involvement. There is also the mental and emotional stress of feeling overwhelmed by the need to maintain the necessary employment to provide for our family financially while desiring to support your spouse and family emotionally and practically in the home.

Our relationships with those outside our family also change. Going out for an evening with friends becomes an ordeal made more complex and difficult by the preparation necessary to take a baby or child out, getting them home in time for proper rest, or in acquiring a babysitter who you can trust and rely on.

It’s no wonder parenting can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation. Unfortunately, a parent’s loneliness can also have a negative impact on their children. But there are things you can do to decrease that loneliness.

• Become involved in a community. For instance, you and your family can become involved in a church or religious community. You might enjoy involvement in a volunteer community. You may find common interests in communities centered on sporting activities, learning activities, dance or theatre activities, or any number of other ideas. In such communities you can meet other families who have children. You can develop relationships and enjoy time together. You can even develop lifelong relationships.
• Get to know other parents at your children’s activities. As your children become involved in various school and community activities geared for them, get to know the parents of the other children. Develop relationships with other adults as you watch your children practice. You can work together to share rides and take turns with “pickups” and “drop offs.” You could grab a cup of coffee and talk while your children finish their class or practice. You might even find yourself developing a friendship that will continue long after your children leave home.
• Join a parenting support group. You could join Mothers of Preschoolers or MomCo. You can also find various social media groups geared for parents and parenting. Use discernment in choosing a parenting support group. Make sure the support group is one that fits with your values and provides opportunities for enjoyable interactions.
• Go on a date night…or a group date night. Don’t limit your relationship development to people outside the family. Make it a point to enjoy time with our spouse. It may take some organization, but plan on having some “date nights” with your spouse on a regular basis. This does not mean you have to go out on a Friday night. You might enjoy a movie at home after your children go to bed. Or you might go out for a “lunch date” while your children are at school. However you choose to work it out, spend time with your spouse in which you focus on one another—not the schedules or your children’s needs.
• Take a “mini-vacation” every day. One of the best ways to combat loneliness is to take care of yourself. A great way to take care of yourself is to take a mini-vacation…and, because of the business of parenting, I mean “mini.” Enjoy a hot bath. Have a scoop of your favorite ice cream. Go for a walk. Take a 15-minute bike ride to enjoy some time alone. Enjoy a “power nap” of 15-20 minutes. Even taking 3-5 deep breaths (in for 3 counts and out for 6 counts) while thinking about your favorite relaxing spot can give you a refreshed state of mind.

These practices can help you, as a parent, develop relationships with other adults and combat loneliness. This will not only improve your mood, but they will help you become a better parent which, in the long run, will benefit your children as well.