We all want our children to mature into adults who are generally happy but still experience a full range of healthy emotions. We nurture them so they can not only experience a full range of emotions but manage those emotions in a healthy way. Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACES) interferes with that goal. A study published in the journal Emotion suggests that childhood adversity can subtly shape our emotional lives into adulthood, even for people without any mental health diagnosis. This study followed 1,994 adults for eight days as they wrote about their daily experiences and related emotions. They discovered that childhood adversity impacted the participants’ ability to feel joy or happiness in response to positive events like laughing with friends or receiving positive feedback. This added to the knowledge that childhood adversity increased a person’s negative reaction to bad events. In addition, people who experienced childhood adversity may even find themselves triggered into negative reactions to good events.

Overall, adverse childhood experiences (ACES) altered how people experience emotions as adults. They contribute to stronger negative reactions in response to negative events and less joy and happiness in response to positive events, even the possibility that the good event might trigger a negative reaction.

Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACES) include abuse and neglect, mental illness, incarceration, domestic violence, substance abuse, and divorce. These experiences can impact our children, even into adulthood. With that in mind, what can we do to protect our children from Adverse Childhood Experiences? Increase the possibilities for Positive Childhood Experiences. How?

• First and foremost, make your marriage a priority. Nurture connection and intimacy with your spouse. Continually learn about your spouse, listen deeply to your spouse, and talk openly with your spouse. Engage in fun activities with your spouse. Make the practice of explicit gratitude and mutual service a common theme in your marriage. Commit to strengthening your marriage daily.
• Take care of yourself in healthy ways. Your spouse is your first “line of support.” But you also will benefit from developing a support group of healthy friends you can talk with on a regular basis, a group of people who support you and with whom you can share the joys and sorrows of life. A local faith community is an excellent place to begin such a support group. Take care of yourself physically as well. Eat a healthy diet. Exercise. Develop healthy sleep hygiene. Taking care of yourself in this way will protect you from substance abuse by providing so many other healthy options for managing stress, seeking comfort, and finding enjoyment.
• Develop healthy parenting strategies. Learn healthy ways to discipline that flow from a positive, loving relationship with your child. Remember, “discipline” involves teaching rather than punishment, nurturing healthy growth into their natural strengths and personhood rather than forcing them into the person of your dreams and expectations. If you struggle with parenting, look through the blogs on our website. Or get a good parenting book—there are many to choose from. If you continue to struggle, seek out counseling. The most important aspect of a healthy parenting strategy is to develop and maintain a strong relationship with your child from which you can lovingly construct healthy boundaries to nurture positive growth.
• Simplify. ACES can arise when we feel overwhelmed, overcome by the stresses of life and short on energy or time. Simplify your life. Simplify your stuff. Simplify your schedule. Simplify your consumption of news. Simplify. Doing so will demand you look honestly at your lifestyle in light of your true priorities and adjust, as necessary. An excellent resource to guide you in simplifying is a book simply entitled Simplicity Parenting.
• Provide your child with Positive Childhood Experiences (PCES). Positive childhood experiences include supportive relationships with family that promote a sense of safety, security, and belonging as well as times of fun and enjoyment. Involve your children’s friends in some times of fun and enjoyment, nurturing their positive relationships with friends. Another PCES is participation in healthy community traditions such as those found in church, community activities, or volunteer activities.

These 5 actions will help you provide your child with Positive Childhood ExperienceS to nurture their healthy life. As you do, you’ll inherit greater intimacy with your family and a lifetime of joy watching them enjoy a healthy adulthood filled with healthy relationships.