“What do you say?” Have you ever encouraged your child to express their gratitude by asking them that question? Maybe you took a more direct approach and simply said: “Tell them thank you.” But is that the best way to nurture gratitude in our children. I say “nurture” gratitude because gratitude evolves as children age. They develop the empathy, perspective taking, and emotional awareness that makes an authentic expression of gratitude possible over time. We nurture those skills, including the skill of expressing gratitude, in our children at all ages.

We begin nurturing gratitude in our children by modeling it. We allow them to witness our expression of gratitude. Whenever we have a grateful thought, we say it out loud. We express it. As we do, our children witness how that expression of gratitude brought joy to both you and the one you thanked, creating a greater sense of connection in your relationship. We also model gratitude by sharing stories about gratitude, stories that allow them to witness the power of gratitude for connection and joy-bringing.

We nurture gratitude in our children by inviting them to express gratitude. We don’t need to coerce them to express gratitude. Simply invite them to express gratitude for what they have received: a prayer of thanks for our shared meal, a card of thanks for an encouragement received, a picture of gratitude for a gift received, a word of thanks for a kindness shared. Allow your children to express their gratitude in whatever creative means they might choose—a word, a text, a card, a voice mail, a song, a picture, a hug…the list goes on.

We nurture gratitude in our children by allowing them to lead in the expression of gratitude. As our children grow in their “gratitude maturity,” they may turn to us and say, “Maybe we should offer thanks for….” They may even encourage us to offer thanks in response to something for which we are not particularly grateful at the time. Listen to their suggestion. Consider their words of wisdom. Let them take the lead. Ask them about their thoughts of giving thanks. Listen. Let their suggestions impact you. You may also let them lead in designing ways of expressing gratitude, like designing a gratitude wall or jar in the home or creating thank you cards with their art.

These three practices will nurture an authentic sense of gratitude within your family and your children. This environment of gratitude will increase everyone’s sense of happiness, connection, and joy.