“A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.” (Proverbs 15:18, NIV)

In our culture the demand to be heard is strong, even overpowering at times. Perhaps this demand to be heard has grown in response to a lack of listening that manifests itself in rejection, oppression, disregarding of differences, and the disenfranchising of the silent. It may have simply grown out of personal arrogance that believes “I know better than you, so you need to hear me.” Whatever the origin, we become jealous of “our” time, and we impatiently demand “our” time to speak, “our” time to be heard. We interrupt and intrude into conversations to give voice to “our wisdom” and insight, jealous because another person’s voice may speak louder or more often than our voice. We impatiently talk over one another in a bitter battle to be heard above the noise, to claim the time as “my time” to speak. But rather than “my wisdom” making the situation better, the jealous battle to be heard stirs up greater strife. Things go from bad to worse as the warring words between two impatient parties escalate. As those clamoring to be heard quit listening and impatiently hurl “their wisdom” at one another’s heads like rocks, a wall of defensiveness rises up.

Patience, on the other hand, listens. Patience creates a sacred moment in which to hear your spouse, your children, or your parent speak. In the sacred pause of patience, a person postpones their “right to be heard” and opens the door to invite the other person to express their thoughts. The patient person calmly offers a noble silence that truly bears witness to the other person’s life experience. They exhibit a love patient enough to understand the speaker’s meaning, intent, and motivation. This requires a loving person who is not jealous of the time to be heard, but generous and meek to patiently listen and hear…no matter how long it takes.

By listening deeply and sincerely bearing witness to the other person’s life and experience, a patient person calms a quarrel. Don’t we all feel less argumentative and angry when we know we have been heard, understood, and accepted, even when we disagree?

The writer of proverbs was right. Patience does not jealously fight to be heard but freely postpones time to speak for as long as necessary to truly understand the other person—be it your spouse, child, or parent. It takes a sacred pause to listen intently and, as a result, calms a quarrel.

*Adapted from The Sacred Pause: 30 Days of Patience: 30 Days of Patience a devotional from John Salmon