Resting on a Stable Stool of Love

Passion and intimacy are important aspects of a healthy marriage. One theorist even developed a “Triarchic Theory of Love” that included passion, intimacy, and commitment. Like a 3-legged stool, this theory held that the seat of love rested on three components: Commitment, Intimacy, & Passion. Missing one or two of these components meant an unstable love. No one wants to sit on a 2-legged stool or, worse, a 1-legged stool. We need a stable love with all three components on which to rest.  Of course, passion and intimacy can wane, but commitment contributes to their waxing strong again. In fact, committing to these six activities can help keep passion and intimacy alive and growing.

  • Keep on dating. Dating is the opportunity to give one another the kind of attention you shared in the early days of your relationship. It is an opportunity to give your undivided attention to your spouse for an extended period of time. With that in mind, you can have a “date” at home as well as in the community. Take time every week to put the kids to bed or get a babysitter and spend one-on-one quality time in which you give one another your undivided attention. Remember, you can Make Date Night Spectacular with just a few simple actions.
  • While we’re on the idea of full, undivided attention, unplug. When you go on a date, unplug. Schedule daily tech-free periods of time with one another, times in which you can be together with no interruptions from technology. Two excellent times to create “a couple’s tech-free time” include mealtimes and the last 15-30 minutes before going to bed.
  • Practice eye contact. I know it sounds gushy, but stare at one another with those high school googly eyes of love. When you talk, look one another in the eye. Notice the beauty of your spouse’s eyes. Let them know how much you admire their beauty. It may be somewhat uncomfortable at first but allow yourself to enjoy the connection of eye-to-eye contact.
  • Hide a love note…or five…or ten….  Write a few simple love notes to your spouse and hide them in their clothes, their lunch box, their car, under their pillow…whatever creative place you can imagine. The note doesn’t have to be extravagant. They can be as simple as “I love you,” “You’re beautiful,” or “Thanks for being mine.”
  • Put on some music and dance. You can dance in the kitchen, the living room, the dining room, the bedroom…wherever you want. Even if you don’t like dancing in public, a little private dancing can sure ignite your passion and intimacy as a couple.
  • Give a massage; receive a massage. Sharing massages is a great way to relax and share romance. You don’t need any special training. Just pay attention to your spouse and give them a massage. If you want some hints, consider these simple instructions from wikiHow.

Don’t let your spouse sit on an unstable 2-legged stool. Commit to keeping keep the stool of love stable so you can both rest comfortably and securely on your passionate, intimate, committed love.

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