Sometimes I’m a little slow on the uptake…and according to this research, I’m not the only one. Specifically, research led by the University of Cambridge found that parents take about a year (on average) to truly understand their child’s attitude about school, to attune to their child’s perspective of school.

The researchers of this study completed interviews with over 200 children from over 100 different UK primary schools. They assessed the children’s well-being and cognitive skills as well as how they felt about various aspects of the school day. They also interviewed the parents about mood, social interaction, and attitudes about school. It wasn’t until their child had completed a year of school that the parents’ perspective began to show attunement with their child’s perspective about school. In general, parents tended to overestimate how happy their children were in the classroom and underestimate how happy they were on the playground.

You may wonder what difference it makes. Our children have to adapt to school whether we as parents attune to our children’s school perspective or not. But it is important for parents to understand their children’s perspective about school. People adjust to change more readily when they feel understood, validated, and heard. In this instance, our children can more easily adjust to the school setting and find their place in the school setting if they know we understand their specific struggles, validate what they find challenging, and allow them the freedom to “tell us about it.” When our children know they can talk to us about school without our judgment, they will likely open up more about their struggles. This offers us the opportunity to guide them and teach them how to cope with the various struggles that arise in the transition to school. It also informs us about any major concerns that arise and necessitate our speaking with school personnel. Overall, by remaining attuned to our children’s attitude about school, we can help them learn to enjoy school and the learning process, to embrace minor struggles as opportunities to grow, and to become more confident in their own ability and agency. Put simply, we can help them learn to be happy in school…and happy children learn better.

How can parents better gauge your children’s perception about school?

• Ask them about their day. Make your questions more specific than general. Rather than ask, “How was your day?” ask “What did you enjoy most in school today?” You might also ask, “What was the most exciting thing you learned today?” or “What was the most challenging thing that happened in school today?” Don’t be afraid to directly ask, “What do you like most about school?” and “What do you like least about school?” or even “What do you not like about school?” These questions open up opportunities for discussion…and anything we can talk about can be more easily managed.
• Observe carefully. Sometimes our children may not have the words to describe how they feel about school. However, their actions will reveal their emotions. Observe them carefully. Do they return home happy or sad? Are they tired or hyper? Do they shut down around the topic of school? Do they fight going to school or enthusiastically prepare? Observation may not tell you exactly how they feel, but it will give you hints and ideas about their emotions.
• Read a book (or two or three) about school together. Find a picture book about school and read it together. Doing so opens the door for conversation about their experience in school as well. Here is a list of 23 books about starting school for you to consider. Read them. Talk about them. Then, as your children open up about their own experience in school, let them guide your discussion.