Children are born with their own unique personality and temperament. That comes as no surprise to any parent with more than one child. It’s amazing how children born in the same family can have such different temperaments. In general, children often fall into one of three broad categories of temperament.

• Some have easy temperaments. They adapt to new situations easily, quickly fall into routines, and have a generally positive demeanor.
• Others exhibit a “slow-to-warm-up” temperament. They approach new situations and people more slowly and often need time to adjust to the changes.
• Still others exhibit a “difficult” temperament. They cry more often, struggle to adjust to new situations, and struggle to fall into routines.

Each of these includes more specific traits such as sensory sensitivity, flexibility with change, tendency toward routine, and many more.  

A study from Reichman University looked at children born with a sensitive temperament. These children react strongly to external stimuli. They exhibit high sensitivity to new stimuli and, as a result, cry a lot. They also exhibit difficulty calming down once they are emotionally aroused. About one in five children have this temperament at birth. It increases the risk of later emotional challenges that include symptoms of anxiety or other emotional challenges. This study explored whether the parental practice of contingent responsiveness impacted the potential development of this temperament.

The results suggest that a child who does not experience contingent responsiveness from their parent is more likely to develop emotional regulation difficulties as well as a tendency to exhibit heightened fear in unfamiliar situations. They also developed a tendency to exhibit fewer prosocial behaviors. On the other hand, if a child did experience contingent responsiveness from their parents, they develop more adaptive behaviors. Specifically, they responded more calmly in potentially fearful situations, and they began to show greater empathy and prosocial behaviors. In other words, contingent responsiveness in parents served as a protective factor helping to shape the brain responses in a more positive direction. 

This raises a question: what is contingent responsiveness?

Contingent responsiveness occurs when a parent responds to their child’s cues in a way that meets their current need—the response is contingent to the current need. When a baby cries because they are hungry, a contingent response is to feed them (not change their diaper or yell at them for crying). To respond contingently to their child, parents must remain curious about their child, remain aware of their child’s needs, and learn their children’s unique patterns of communication. A responsive parent becomes attuned with their children’s rhythms and responsive to their signals of distress, discomfort, sorrow or joy. In other words, a contingently responsive parent celebrates when their child rejoices and comforts when their child mourns, feeds when their child expresses hunger and allows rest when their child feels overstimulated. Most parents develop the ability to remain contingently responsive to their children rather naturally, especially when they begin their parenting journey with a healthy dose of curiosity and so practice observing their children with their eyes and ears.  

So, do you want your children to learn to respond more calmly in potentially fearful situations and to show greater empathy and prosocial behaviors? Great. Begin with a healthy dose of curiosity and practice observing your children with your eyes and ears. Observe them carefully and learn about their strengths and vulnerabilities. Learn how they communicate their needs, their discomforts, their fears and sorrows. Then, respond to them in ways that specifically address the needs, discomforts, fears, or sorrows they are expressing in the moment.