Every family experiences difficult emotions. Family life can be hard at times. Life, in general, can be hard. Learning to manage and regulate our emotions helps us maintain our safety, happiness, and health. It helps us enjoy fulfilling relationships, which is important for our marriages, our children, our families. So how can we regulate our emotions? How can we teach our children to regulate their emotions well?

• First of all, model emotional regulation in your life. Practice these skills in your own life. Your family, especially your children, will learn by observing you practicing good emotional management.
• When you feel stuck in an emotion, use your physical senses to shift that emotion. We experience the world through our physical senses. By shifting our experiential base, we can often shift our feelings as well. For instance, if you feel stuck in a sad or depressed mood, play some happy music. If you feel anxious, overwhelmed, or panicked, take a walk in the woods to see, smell, and hear nature. If you feel angry, take a breath and look around the room to see more than the object of your anger. Shift your physical senses—sight, sound, feelings—and your emotions will often follow.
• Although you don’t want to chronically avoid difficult emotions, it is often helpful to take a break by turning your attention elsewhere for a short time. Most emotions come in waves. They are temporary. They come and go. Even difficult emotions. Allow yourself to “let them go” for a short time. For instance, if you are grieving a loss, it might prove helpful to enjoy an evening out with friends. In fact, it can help you grieve in the long run. If you feel angry, you might choose to watch a funny movie before considering how to respond to the situation arousing your anger. Remember, when you avert your attention, you’re creating a greater opportunity to return to the situation arousing the emotion in order to work toward resolution with a fresher mind.
• Reframe how you think about the upsetting situation. Sometimes our negative emotions flow from how we think about a situation. For instance, some people turn the “mole hill” of a “B” into a catastrophic mountain of “failure.” Or they label something (like themselves) as “stupid” or “dumb.” Reframe these thoughts to keep a “mole hill” a “mole hill.” Avoid labels and reframe the label in a better light. (For more on how thinking impacts emotions, read Help My Children Have ANTS in Their Pants.)
• Change your location. Sometimes managing our emotions is as simple as changing locations. Changing the scenery you look at, the temperature you feel, or the sounds around you can help us manage our emotions.
• Reach out to the right people for guidance. Many times, we can benefit from talking to someone. But choose your confidante in such situations wisely. It’s nice to have someone to vent to, but we may also need someone who can offer a wise and compassion alternative perspective.

These six actions can help you manage your emotions in a more effective manner. As you manage your emotions more effectively, your family will learn from your example. They will also manage their emotions more effectively. As a result, your whole family will more effectively discuss and resolve personal and interpersonal conflicts.