The school year has begun…and you may find yourself in the midst of the “homework wars,” especially if you have a middle school age boy. Here are four “weapons of motivation” that may help turn the “homework wars” into mere squabbles, a bump in the road.

• Feed him. Middle school boys are growing fast. They need nutrition, probably more than we imagine. They likely come home hungry. Have a snack ready. The “homework wars” will escalate when your middle school boy is “hangry.” While you’re feeding him, make sure to provide something to drink as well. Homework will go much more smoothly if your middle school aged boy is well fed and hydrated.
• Let him sleep. Middle school boys need sleep. Sleep is essential to a middle school boy’s physical, emotional, and cognitive health. He will think more clearly with sufficient sleep. He will exhibit better emotional health when he has sufficient sleep. Teaching our preteens healthy sleep hygiene will benefit them throughout their lifetime. That may mean setting up his bedroom for sleep—no phone, video games, or tv in the room.
• Let him run around. Middle school aged boys are active. Their bodies want to move. School demands that they sit at a desk most of the day. As a result, they are ready to burst by the time they get home. Their bodies are primed and “itching” for action. Let them run around. Let them shoot hoops, go for a bike ride, play catch. Give them a little time to move, even if it makes them physically tired. After they have engaged in some active movement, they will focus much more easily.
• Connect with him. Middle school boys may act as though they want nothing to do with their parents. That’s a natural part of their individuation, of becoming their own person. But underneath it all, they still desire connection. They still need to know they have a secure attachment to their parents while they develop their independence. With this in mind, talk with them. Ask open ended questions about their day. Engage in conversations about their interests and strengths. Let them know you’re interested, available, and invested in their lives.

These four practices won’t eliminate any struggle with homework. However, they will cut down on the “homework wars.” They will help you build a stronger relationship with your middle school boy and support your middle school boy’s health. They will help turn the “homework wars” into temporary squabbles and opportunities for relationship.