We live in a very materialistic world. You may have seen a bumper sticker stating that “The one with the most toys wins.” If we can’t have the “most toys,” we at least try to “keep up with the Joneses.” But the materialism promoted in these sayings harms marriages in both obvious and subtle ways.

Obviously, materialism shifts the focus from the relationship to acquiring goods, from a person-centered mindset to a materially focused mindset. As a result, materialism pulls the marriage apart as it compels at least one of the partners to work extra hours in an attempt to acquire enough wealth to purchase the “most toys” and “keep up with the Joneses.”  In doing so, they neglect the relationship and grow more disconnected with one another.

In a less visible way, materialism resets the threshold for what each person believes represents a financial problem. Suddenly financial problems are not defined by a struggle for basic needs (food, housing, clothing) but a struggle for a new boat, the next generation Xbox, the newest virtual gadget, or the bigger car. Suddenly, the arguments arise over “my need” for the newest and best bicycle, iPhone, or sneaker brand. These arguments may eventually give rise to debts which, in turn, increase the stress in your marriage. This new perceived threshold for what defines a “financial problem” combines with the stress of “keeping up with the Joneses” to increase arguments over finances and perceived security.  

What can a family do to decrease the subtle, less visible attack of materialism?

• Live within your means. Learn to purchase only what you can afford, what you have finances to cover. This may necessitate learning to wait to purchase something you desire so you can “save up” the money to get it. You may have to take the time to establish a budget of your necessities (including savings). Budget only the money you know you receive each week or month. Live within that budget.
• Learn the difference between wants and needs. Examine family spending based on wants vs. needs. This will demand a hard look at ways in which our consumer culture influences your mindset and leads to confusion between wants and needs. Greed for our wants will rob us of an abundant life of joy and imprison us in envy for more. At some point, most of us need to learn to live without all our “wants” so we can ensure we have what we “need.”
• Avoid comparisons. Materialistic people tend to compare and then become envious of someone who has “more” or “better.” This can lead to impulsive spending in an effort to “keep up with the Joneses” rather than learning contentment.
• Learn contentment. Learn to be content with what you have. After all, “if you can’t be happy with a coffee, you won’t be happy with a yacht” (Naval Ravikant). One way to nurture contentment is to practice gratitude. Take a moment each day to write down 2-3 things for which you are grateful. Write something different every day. You will soon discover how richly blessed you are. You will grow in your ability to live in contentment.
• Practice generosity. The antidote to materialism is generosity. “Materialism is all about what you get. To break its grip on us, we need to do the exact opposite: give, give, give. When you do, your heart grows bigger and you grow spiritually” (Rick Warren).

Materialism will rob you of joy. It will interfere with marital intimacy. It will crush you with envy and fear. Practice the actions above and you will discover greater freedom in your life, deeper intimacy in your marriage, and more joy in your days.